A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am with this guy for over 2 years and we are living together for the last 4 months. Since we moved in together we have been fighting alot and when were not fighting were just plodding along. We never seem to go out anymore, the romance seems to be completely gone.Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions, is this what it is live. I don't feel loved any more, when I tell him this he just tells me I'm paranoid and just dismisses me.should we break up or just carry on and hope things will get better. thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): Did the situation worsen only after moving in? It is possible that having not lived together until this moment, you could only have inferred certain reactions or habits that not necessarily are hidden intentionally, but become clear(er) by daily contacts. It is also a new experience the couple tries to see as a corolary of their history together up to this point, they may try and seek perfection and in the end the effort to please one another becomes burdesome and a factor of stress, which combined with the stress from work and daily tasks, bursts into conflicts. It is also probable you have underestimated the situation and thought of it as a merely "small change." It is not small. When taking steps to correct this problem, it is essential that you measure your words so as not to blame the other person. You'd only open an embrasure for more hurt! Do you want to feel loved or besieged? Are your exigencies perhaps unfounded? Is it that your needs of fondness are of varying intensity? You may be very affectionate, and he the reserved type? That you cannot change, and if you attempt to and succeed temporarily, this may overburden him. Fights are very easy indeed to surpass, if you don't respond to the other's bickering voice or moments of impulsiveness. "Even the fact you are interrupting me I consider a lack of respect," he continues, accusatory. "Very well, let's promise each other that never again will we interrupt each other," she answers calmly, as she has received his previous reproaches. And he cannot say (argue) more. Hail Veronica Merchant! If you are both irascible by nature, the quarrels will most likely continue until satiation. Think if you want to fight not between you, but fight for the couple's well being? And one of you must be able to maintain his calm and appease the conflicts until the other is relented and is participative in the end. It will not work with unilateral sacrifices however. Talk calmly about all these. Listen to what he says. All the best.
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