A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend and i have been talking hanging out and trying to get back together again.We met up one night even though we hadnt talked for a year and started kissing and walking on the beach after that he said he was going to break up with his girlfriend but he wanted to let her down slowly.She still had stuff at his house and he said she doesnt have a strong family so he is trying to let her down easy he doesnt want her feelings hurt.One day he ignores me and the next day i get a text from his girlfriend that asks if him and i talk and then she calls me crying, and i spill the beans and tell her. He blows up on me and says he was handling it and it wasnt my place to tell her when he didnt want her feelings hurt he was trying to handle it all and not hurt her at the same time. Now she hates him because of what she knows they are officially broken up. He hates me now for telling her and he said it was cruel for me to just be so blunt. She was asking me questions and i would answer i didnt know what to do but tell the truth. Now that he hates me and says he cant believe i would tell her now he says he cant live with the pain that its caused her and hes realized where his heart is and thats its with her. Well that leaves me totally heartbroken because he was talking about a future together and how its not the same with her at all and how me and him are on another level and he loves me so much were really affectionate and we can laugh and we stay up all nite all hours just talking. And now he says his heart is with her?I think this is a normal human reaction that when someone up and leaves and hates you and you CANT have them you want them. I dont think his heart is with anyone when i've been hanging out with him hes been talking about how he is really unhappy and is always at home and he can tell he isnt the same person as he was before(with me) as he is with her (unhappy) He was trying to get himself out of an unhealthy relationship but he was her first love so she is stuck on him and didnt want the break-up. I never meant to hurt anyone and now im heartbroken because all i wanted was to be with him and to see him happy and help him get back to the person he was. Ive always been there for him supported him, where as she hasnt and he choses her or "says" his heart is with her.Im so hurt, and i really dont think he wants to be with her him and i are really close and i can absolutely tell he wanted to be with every part of him but he didnt want to let her down. Do you think it was the right thing to tell her the truth? Or should i have lied to her so that he could keep playing her? And do you guys think he even loves her, and if they got back together it would even last or would he just be back tracking?
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female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 It's a possibility he might try and run back to you. Well done for taking the first step and changing your number. If he comes crawling back and you are tempted, think about all those times he lied about you and other girls. Remember how much of a dog this guy is, and get him kicked to the curb...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell now she took him back so easily that he is just going to do it again probably.
Hes been lying to her since the beginning of there relationship he didnt just lie about me he lied about when he would hang out with other girls to her. Ive clearly figured out what type he is he is the type of guy who wants a girlfriend because he thinks it will make him happy or make him feel fullfilled but it doesnt because he still drinks and smokes and does all of that when he is feeling down instead of turning to his girlfriend for support which is what he should be doing if he was truely happy.
He drinks and smokes more now than he ever did. And he wants a girlfriend to be comfortable but he also wants to run around and be able to do what he wants but still have someone who adores him at the end of the day (to make him feel better)
I know he is angry with me that i told her the truth now he hates me and he cant possibly say after ive turned to the bad person, and shes turned into the innocent one that got hurt that his heart is with me because now i look like the bad guy, so of course he is going to say his heart is with her, i dont think it really is because it was he wouldnt have lied to her from the beginning or done nething he has done.
Now i think its possible that she took him back so easily that he isnt going to want her things are just going to be the same, believe it or not guys like girls that can defend themselves and are strong and put up at least a little bit of a fight, she probably put up a fight for a day and now shes taking him back so as far as the reverse physcology thing goes she left sad angry hurt at him, so he thought he wanted to be back with her. Now shes back without a fight, and im gone angry at him AND ive changed my number and havent talked to him since. I think this is going to drive him crazy because now he cant still be mad at me because he was mad i made him lose her but not hes got her back.
So in a couple of months they will start fighting if they already dont, and hes gonna say he cant deal with it, then he goes going to dump her and come running to find me, does anyone else think this is true?
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (19 September 2010):
 A guy who has true intentions will not tell an ex girlfriend that he is trying to let the current girlfriend down easily so that he can be with her.He is clearly a liar. If he really was sincere, he would break up with her, period....end of story. He was never sincere about getting back together with you, most men see their ex girlfriend's a posessions, sexual ones. They never forget the sexual part of your relationship and they sometimes crave just that part of it. But they know better, they know you want more so they say things to get what they want, the sex. What you have to do though is pay attention not to their words, but their behavior.He has a current girlfriend. He is cheating on her with you. He has not broken up with her to be with you. He is lying to both of you. He isn't ready to break up with the current girlfriend either because he has feelings for her, or she wants him back enough to put up with his crap.They call them exes for a reason. It's been a year since you all broke up, why haven't you moved on and told this guy to leave you the hell alone and to stop contacting him?It's over. He's moved on and jerking another woman around now. That's what boys do before they are men and want to settle down with one woman.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI believe he really did have genuine feelings for me I was his first love so he always just gets scared about being committed to me again because he knows how much he loves me and that he couldnt mess it up or his life would be gone.
Maybe you are right but i told him i wasnt having sex with him until a very long time when we were working on things and got back together officially. He agreed, we even were at his house making out and he wanted to do stuff but didnt. Then the next day he said we were moving to fast he wants to be everything he can for me and wanted to give me all of him and that he was working on his self and lettin her down slowly, he did break up with her for a couple of days and she hated him, he didnt want her dating him so i guess he said wat he had to say to get her not to hate him.
Im not the only one who is chop liver she is because he cheated on her, and she so easily took him back now hes just going to do it again, or something bad will happen and she will break up with him this time, if its not with me its going to be with another girl. He sees her as an easy comfort zone too one where hes not happy and hes not hurt he is just there and content to have someone who adores him even though he knows he doesnt adore them as much. Like you said selfish. It seems like he has a pattern of behaviors and will continue no matter what
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (19 September 2010):
Good on you for being honest, but she was right, it wasn't your place to spill everything.
Now you need to think about if you really actually want to be with him. He was in effect cheating on her with you (when you kissed on the beach). What's to say he wouldn't do it again if you guys got back together??? I'm in a similar position, and i now have to consider whether or not my ex would cheat on me if the situation arose.
With regards to your ex, let him calm down for a while, he's clearly angry. You only did what you thought was right, but sometimes when you do that, it just causes more pain for everyone. Take the time to think about whether or not you actually want to be with him, and he will have some time to calm down and think things through properly.
It's tough, but i hope i have helped x
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