A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:In a few weeks I'm going on a family vacation where my long distance ex-boyfriend happens to live. We broke up a year ago when we were still in love but incapable of keeping a long distance relationship. Now we're working and more capable, and I want a second chance with him. Our mutual friends hint all the time that he still likes me and there are hints from him as well. The problem is, he has been dating someone else for a few months. But I still want to know if he still likes me and/or is interested in a relationship with me. I know some people will call this selfish but I don't think so. Because if he's true to her then he won't do her wrong. And I'll leave them alone, simple as that. But if he shows any signs then I think I have the permission to lead things on and see if it goes anywhere. If not then not. But if yes then I want to try it out. I understand if some of you are against this but I've made up my mind. My question is, what's the best way to do so? I've already contacted him and he agreed to have dinner. Should I just say "I've missed you" and see what happens? I want to be very subtle as he is in a relationship. But I still want to take this opportunity.
View related questions:
broke up, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 July 2012):
 I think you should come right out and tell him what you are thinking and how you are feeling.
asking him to have dinner alone and him agreeing was the first step and none to subtle to begin with.
Now here's the bee in your bonnet:
let's say he agrees to get back with you.
a few weeks go by and you try to call/text him on a thursday night.... no answer. for HOURS...
in fact, NOTHING till after lunch the next day....
will you NOT wonder if he's with his local GF?
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (5 July 2012):
Hi there. You are already in some kind of regular contact with him, so you are speaking to each other, and so the ice is broken.
Perhaps, don't say "I've missed you", but just ask him how he's been and get talking about anything and everything.
It's probably not wise to ask him ask his new girlfriend, as that could become awkard for him.
Just start out as friends, and see how it goes.
At the same time, don't go there with great expectations, as you could be disappointed.
It still is long distance, isn't it?
So even if he decided to give it another go with you and him, there would be all the same issues as there were before - because of the long distance between you.
And that distance would prevent you from seeing each other on a regular basis.
So it could be history repeating itself, all over again.
The other thing for you to consider, is would you be prepared to move - if he wants to try again - to give it a proper chance?
Because it won't work if you don't.
In any case, if you and him were to have a chance of making a go of it again, this distance situation needs to be thoroughly addressed - and sooner rather than later.
In fact, it needs to be the very FIRST consideration, as it will be the one thing which impacts the greatest, on the relationship generally.
If you can't find a way to see each other regularly, well then it's at a great disadvantage from the very start!
And keeping in mind, it was the whole reason the relationship ended last time, wasn't it?
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 July 2012):
 I don't think it matters to you what people have to say on this anyway about what is right and wrong you are still going to go for it and see if you can get your own way. In that case I don't think you should beat around the bush or play childish games to try and get his attention. I think you just need to be honest with him and yourself. Tell him you are aware that he is in another relationship but that you wanted to let him know you still have feelings for him and ask him what he thinks of that. Please under no circumstances get with him if he is still with this girl because that is so wrong. But if it is you his heart belongs to well at least then you are giving him the chance of getting things back on track and he can finish with his girlfriend then. So just come out with it and don't be subtle or try and give him hints, it is just time wasting and playing mind games. Honesty is the best policy. You have nothing to lose so just be straight with him. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): If he's interested in you still and obviously you are in him, then i think it won't be that hard for the pair of you to hit it back off, you'll just know the deal probably instantly. BUT, if he has a girlfriend and he decides to leave her for you, do you think he could be faithful to you if he becomes attracted to another woman? On another note, could it just be he's being nice to you because there's no hard feeling about your original break up, but because you still have feelings for him, you are mistaking the signals for something you're hoping for?
...............................
|
