A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been trying really hard to have a good strong friendship with my ex, but he is making it impossible and his girlfriend is trying her best to ruin whatever we do have left! I'm losing my patience with her, almost as much as him! Ok, so basically we have two children, our son is 5 and our daughter is 3. We were both young, but they were both planned and wanted by us both. We love our children very much and we have tried to say friends for their sakes.We broke up late 2012 after months of fighting and to be honest we both just fell out of love with each other. At first we got on well, he would come for days out, he would stay for dinner etc. It was really nice and it felt natural.When he started seeing his girlfriend, I was happy for him. She seemed nice and I had no reason to dislike her. Not long after I met my boyfriend although we didn't start going out for a few months. We have been together for nearly 7 months so we are still in early days but my children love him, and he adores them.So back to my ex and his girlfriend. It all started last Halloween. My boyfriend invited me and the kids to his sister's house where she was having a kids party. I didn't mention it to their dad because I didn't see any issues. When they saw him at the weekend, I mentioned it. He was pissed off because he said he doesn't know what my boyfriend's family are like, or where they live. I found it stupid because I was there too, but I told him I would let him know next time. Then a few weeks later, I had a doctors appointment and I asked if my ex would look after the kids, he couldn't as he was at work and he couldn't get hold of his mum (who I have a great relationship with). So I asked my boyfriend if he could watch them while I went, I was an hour tops but when my ex called later to ask how I got on and I told him about my boyfriend watching them he went crazy. A few other things like this has happened before and since but I know my ex is protective of the kids.However a few weeks ago I found out that my ex's girlfriend has booked a family holiday for the four of them in summer, without asking me first! I told her it wasn't happening but she claims that their dad gave her permission. When I asked him, he said he was going to ask permission which he wouldn't have got anyway! My boyfriend can't spend any time with the kids, even it though I'm always there but you can take the kids on holiday with a women who you have been with only a few months' more! We had a huge argument about this and it still isn't resolved. I honestly have no idea where to go with this, surely if my boyfriend can't see my kids then she shouldn't be allowed to take them away to Spain for 2 weeks?! Advice please!!!
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (26 February 2014):
 By the looks of it, it’s no wonder you guys broke up in the first place if this is how you act now… These issues are so petty in the scheme of things – the big picture, yet it appears you both want to throw your weight around to see who has the greater power over the other.
So big deal; if the kids had Halloween, you having a Doctors’ appointment and the kids go to Spain in the end!? Is any of this LIFE THREATING or is this about winning points and power over the other? Because it sure sounds like you’re the one playing tit for tat! Quote; if my boyfriend can't see my kids then she shouldn't be allowed to take them to Spain… REALLY?
Honestly both of you need to get a grip of your egos before the Courts step in and make everyone’s life a complete misery! If you both have partners in your life at present and you intend on being friends with each other for the kids sake, then start communicating effectively and accept the fact that each of you are going to have other people and events in your life.
If you deem your new partners after 7+ months of dating as safe, nurturing, caring and loving towards you’re two children then so be it – accept it and move on, that’s life! In other words; the two of you need to stop this petty cycle, and commit to telling the other first, of any MAYOR issues that need to be discussed. I assume you know what those major issues really are?
Take Care – CAA
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 February 2014):
 Either you two need to get a LEGAL binding contract with how the kids needs to be protected/taken care off and I would also suggest you two (without the ex's GF and your BF) have a chat with a neutral 3rd person to figure out how to make this work.
I think it's petty that he can't accept your BF looking after them (even though YOUR relationship IS fairly new - n my opinion I don't believe new partners should be introduced to kids until 6-12 INTO a relationship. But I also think it's petty that you don't want your kids to have a vacation to Spain because you are MAD at your EX for trying to set limits for you.
WORK it our like GROWN ups.
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