A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a lot of issues with self-esteem and self-confidence because I'm not even averagely pretty or fit and I am just above averagely intelligent.Unfortunately this ends with me being overly sarcastic and loud and rather opinionated around people. It's not that I'm rude, but I do have an overbearing and intimidating personality (Even though I know that deep down, i'm sensitive and really soft...)I feel as if my outward personality gives people reason to treat me badly and to say hurtful things to me. How do I change? How do I be nicer? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, agneeman +, writes (2 February 2014):
 Heita
I think your first paragraph says it all. Your inner monologue is skrewed up, meisie.
And it's not your loudness that turns people off. It is your self - loathing that you reflect to others and they reflect back.
All Saffers struggle with some level of self hatred. I bet you've falled for the South African lie that says that it is some how "noble" to talk down to yourself and not say any thing positive.
This is kak. You know you're not stupid, don't give me that.
One wonders what other self criticisims you are lying about.
What I am basically trying to say is, it's ok to say good things about yourself if those things are true.
Change your inner tapes, about yourself and others.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2014): Being sarcastic and opinionated & smart ass can be ok, in the right situation, sometimes... as long as its done to be friendly or in fun.
Being sarcastic to be nasty or to belittle people or put them done or criticize fairly is rude and nasty and being overly opinionated and not letting other ppl talk is rude!
and... as you said often done out of insecurity, be it looks or whatever. We are all as valued as the next person, everyones opinions counts remember that, yours is not the only one that's important! learn to keep yr mouth closed and genuine listen, not just wait til its yr turn to talk,(this is not easy! it takes practice) listen and accept that ppl are going to have different views to you, we all do!
This doesn't mean that you have to be smart ass or/and sarcastic, check yrself if you feel a saracastic rant happening... have a few deep breaths..
how would yu feel if someone said this to you? think of how the other person on the end of yr loud opinion feels?
try to soften yr personality or believe me ppl wont want to be around you. Noone likes a loud overbearing person who wont let them speak or is so sarcastic they appear nasty at times.
you are ok as you are, who cares if yr not the prettiest girl? rreat ppl with respect and you will get it back. Im sure you are pretty, remember beauty is only skin deep.. a pretty face does not make up for a nasty or hateful or domineering personality.
Im not pretty, I wear glasses a lot and have bad skin, and ppl in the past have stared im "odd" looking, but I try not t let it get to me.
please read this. I had a friend a few yrs ago(she had many personal issues) when I met her she was sarcastic in a funny way, I admired her, ppl laughed with her and I wished I could be like her, ppl seemed to like her and she had a sharp tongue and a gift for smart ass remarks, but.. as I got to know her she became very nasty and critical of me and I felt worthless, her opinion was the only one that counted, and if I expressed one different to hers I was confronted with sarcasm, loud comments and nastiness, this had a great effect on me, I had no self esteem, and eventually she moved interstate to be with her bf (poor guy) and we lost contact. she was a toxic and insecure friend, she lost many friend in the end, don't be that person!!
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (1 February 2014):
 Ban any sarcasm, that will be a good start. Sarcasm, irony are often offensive, and I do believe it's more a weakness of ones spirit than a strength. And I know what I'm talking about as I'm french, and everybody knows how sarcastic Frenchs can be. Result of such a behaviour: permanent tension in relationships, misunderstandings and bad mouthing.Second, don't be afraid of others, they don't use their time judging you even if you feel the opposite (or are you with "friends" who actually do it, and then you need new friends). When I taught french in Japan, I was used to teach in front of little groups as well as large ones, often surrounding me. While some of my colleagues were TERRORISED to teach in such conditions, I didn't myself because, well, it too much a hassle to imagine what do these and those person think about me. Take my word, it's a former super-shy guy who tells it to you !
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