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anonymous
writes:Hoping that someone can give me some advice here. My ex and I broke up two years ago as he moved back to his home city and I did not go as I could not relocate with him. I was pretty gutted for awhile as we had been together for ten years but I am ok now. He met someone as soon as he got back and I have had some great guys in my life since then but have not really found the person I would really click with yet. I received a call from him this morning letting me know that he and his girlfriend had parted company. It seems that he is pretty upset and just wanted someone to talk to..someone who knows him well...like me. His girlfriend has been waffling back and forth between him and her ex for a couple of years and has now gone back to her ex. I guess if I am being honest there is still a part of me that loves him but I am well aware that a) he is on the rebound and this girl could return b)he left me before c)this girl is different that me. She treated him with disdain and did not want to work. I am career oriented and probably neglected him at times because of this...if I am being honest. I have often wondered what would happen if we had another chance together but I think he sees me as a caring friend in a difficult time. Is it possible for a couple to get a second chance or is it sometimes better to let a dead relationship remain that. I am now over him enough to be his friend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): iv been in the situation before and i got him back.i just had to tell him how i felt and he felt the same way to and we're now back togther and are relationship is growing stronger and stronger. personally if you think he's moved on then i wouldnt bring up what so ever that you still loved/liked him. or if your confussed get one of your friends to ask him if he would give you a second chance,or if you have the guts,speak to him yourself! i got some guts and said it myself,and told him slowly that i missed him,and he said he missed me to. and then just graddelly build up the convosation. hope everthing works out for you and just try your best. GOOD LUCK!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2007): I am currently in a resurrected relationship myself. it is possible for things to work, but you really don't sound as though you're certain that you want to be with this man again. Maybe he is the one, but your ambivalence, and his current rebound-status should definitely signal the need to take things slowly.
My best advice is to live in the present. I know it sounds cliche, but assess your current requirements in a potential mate, his current ability to meet your needs, and his current suitability as a mate. Don't close your heart based on past hurts, but don't open it to needless hurt if one (or both) of you is not ready to try again...
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reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 July 2007):
 I think we should never close the door to love. If I were you, I would become his friend -if he wants that, and he's not just resorting to you at this particular moment- and, if he should hint he wants something deeper, then I would let him know that he would need to stay with you this time. Also, this time would give you a chance to know whether he's changed in a way you cannot adjust to. The key is, give it some time to see if you two could be a good couple again.
Good luck!
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reader, loops  +, writes (1 July 2007):
I personally have been in this situation more than once and I can safely say from my own experience and that of others second chances dont usually work. youve already pointed out the flaws in getting back together with him in your question. Personally if you do still love him, carry on for at least a few months just as friends and see what happens, if the feelings still lie between you then, then think about doing something about them, but while hes on the rebound and things could easily thus take a turn for the worst I would keep your distance. Good luck. loops
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