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female
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anonymous
writes: Could you please help me? I have to make some very tough, life-changing decisions that will also greatly affect other people. I've consulted psychics and now I thought I'd consult craigslist. thank you so much!!!!!JACK: 30-year-old bartender and writer. jack and i dated for 4 years. our relationship was very passionate and very tumultuous. we had many mini-breakups between our moments of bliss. there were no major problems like cheating or abuse but i would often be upset by his arrogance and his lack of appreciation for me. our longest breakup was about 2 months ago. i broke up with him for again disregarding me and making me feel underappreciated. though i told him that i needed space, he is back now and working harder than ever to show me that he's sorry and that he loves me and that he wants me back. i believe he is sincere. i always have continued to love him but i sometimes still get very angry when i think about the past.LARRY: 26-years old, lawyer in his own country, paperless (no green card) and jobless here. i started seeing larry after i broke up with jack. i was not looking for a serious relationship but started dating (read: having sex with) this man who is attractive, intelligent and funny. we were having a good time, getting to know each other and becoming friends when he asked me if i would be willing to help him with his green card problem (marriage--business only). caring about him enough to help him, i agreed. i also stopped having sex with him once it became business. i still find him extremely attractive and like spending time with him (with my clothes on) and i have a hard time not talking about him (little stories, cute things he does etc.). THE SCENARIO: jack is back and i sometimes think that i love him enough to give him another chance. i wonder if larry has other options, i wonder if he cares about me at all...or just about his green card. should jack get another chance? should i marry larry? can i do both? larry wants to get married this weekend. i already gave him my word and we have a marriage license....things just got more complex now that jack is back and trying to show me how much he wants me back.oh yeah....where are this girl's friends you might ask? i have them but they prefer to stay out of it. some have biases for/against jack and no one really knows much about this larry guy. thanks
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (17 August 2005):
 I agree with not getting married this weekend. I know you gave your word but which is more important your word or your life....you just met this guy and he wants his green card and is basically using you to get it. Sure you guys had some fun....but he did say it was business. If your ex really wants this to work...will he appreciate this marriage. Suppose he wants to marry you and be there for you..will will happen then. I know you were not prepared for this but you should not get married this weekend. This is your life you are talking about sweetheart. Your ex is trying...you guys have history together and you should know if he is sincere or not about his ways and changing..My advice to you is to give your ex a chance to redeem himself...Larry ....something tells me ..Larry being a lawyer..he can negotiate a deal for his papers elsewhere. I dunno ..call me weird but I just get that feeling. Good Luck.ana
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female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (17 August 2005):
If there is only one piece of advice I can give you it is: Do not get married this weekend.
Marriage is a holy sanctity, it is undertaken by two people who are deeply in love with each other and truly want to devote the rest of their lives together. It is not something to be entered whimsically, or even worse in your case, as a favour to a friend!
Have you not questioned this man's motives the first time he took you to bed? Ok, so you have enjoyed some great company and some great sex. That's fine. But have you not noticed that discontinued as soon as this became a "business" arrangement? Is there money involved or are you simply entering into this bizarre union out of the goodness of your heart? It sounds to me like he has charmed you to exploit his own ends. And obviously he will give you continued attention until the wedding, to maintain your interest and commitment.
I can infer from your letter that you are having doubts about this, entering into something as enormous and significant as marriage cannot be justified with a verbal promise to another person! You sum it up perfectly when you say that your friends don't know anything about him. In fact, what do you really know about him? All you have is his word, he may not even be qualified as lawyer. He may simply be a clever confidence trickster who sees you as his next victim.
Consider the consequences of marrying this man- If you are contemplating returning to your ex, would he ever forgive or trust you again? If you did reunite, you would have to await your divorce papers coming through before you could make a commitment. If you have assets or savings your husband (on paper) could attempt to claim these. A divorce will be stressful and expensive.
As far as your ex goes, only you can decide whether or not he is worthy of another chance. By the sounds of it you are still memsmerised by him and he is attempting to win back your heart. However, if you do reconcile your differences you will have to stop focussing on the negative aspects of the past, and look forward to your future.
Or perhaps you may even want to take a little time out of relationships to think about what it is that you really want in your heart. It is your life, only you can decide.
I wish you the best of luck!
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