A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone.My girlfriend has left me after our long distance relationship became too much to bear for her. She's gone away to University and I gather is having a damn good time. Myself on the other hand is very bad just now:It's over 3 months down the line now, and right now; I feel like I'm never going to have something like that again. Recently I've been thinking "I'm never going to so much as lounge with another woman again" and then I tell myself "Oh come on! Of course you will" but then straight away, negativity comes back and I think "But it doesn't matter. Whoever that's with isn't her, and that's all that matters."Is that normal?Also I think about how she's in this fun new place and surrounded by new friends who she can quite easilly go out with any night of the week. Whereas I have lost all my old friends to University as well. I do have friends, but they live on the opposite side of the City, and if I was to travel there, all they'd want to do is drink. In which case, I'd have no way of making it home.I'm really unhappy with my life just now: My ex is all I want, and can't have her, and my social life feels dead in the water. What can I do?? :(
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female
reader, supersquirrel +, writes (7 October 2007):
 yep that's completely normal, and completely how i feel right now. it doesn't matter how much people tell you there's plenty more fish in the sea, and you're still so young, and he/she wasn't good enough for you anyway etc you still only want your ex.
but, if you think about it, everyone that you know that's happily married or about to get married or in a long term relationship or whatever, they have ALL been in the situation you're in now or will be in that situation. much as it seems the end of the world now (as it does for most people at some point) it really isn't is it? i agree with somerset1985 and baby duck, get out, do stuff, meet other people, speed date, internet date whatever takes your fancy, just always remember that right now this second loads of other people feel exactly like you do, and loads of other people are about to feel exactly like you do, but all of those people will eventually pick themselves up and move on.
much as you and her might one day mend things, i do actually think it's best if you don't talk to her, or ask people how she is. i feel worse every time i talk to my ex or hear how my ex is doing. anyway, it's their loss! good luck xx
A
female
reader, just-ask-xx +, writes (7 October 2007):
 Aww you poor thing, listen, it sounds like you really like her, I'm not so sure you love her but you really care for her. It's normal for you to feel down in the dumps, if she has ended it because of the long distance thing, then you can't mean that much to her, my advice for you is to talk to her, don't mention you need her, you can't bear life without her or anything along those lines, you don't want her to feel uncomfortable. Then, if things don't work out, find some new friends, and stop being so negative!! It's not going to get yourself anywhere, think, I can do this, I don't need her in my life to complete me, I can find the right girl. I hope this is a litte bit of help at the least, I hope everything turns out ok, love just-ask-xx
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A
male
reader, somerset1985 +, writes (7 October 2007):
Sorry to hear of your bad fortune. If it's any consolation, many guys experience the same as yourself when long distance relationships are put to the test. I used to get upset and emotional like yourself, falling for a girl and spending the rest of my days craving her, feeling sorry for myself and thinking that life would never get better. Then I realised I had to tell her my feelings and practice the 50/50 chance test! You hear people talking of "plenty other fish in the sea", but when you love someone and they love you, it's so hard to stop your feelings for that person. Indeed, you should not force it upon yourself or her to rid any feelings. Quite the opposite, you need to spend time to reflect, followed by time to mourn and then time to move on. Tell her how you feel and how she means the world to you. The very thought of seeing her with someone else would surely devastate you, as it would most people. However, she's moved on with her own life, starting afresh at university some distance away from you. Would it have worked were you both to travel long distances? Probably not. As much as you can trust and care for someone, saying goodbye at the end of each visit is so hard and would make you feel more and more upset. As time goes by, you'd want to see her more often, and if she's at university, maybe she'd be too busy and tell you so. Try treating this as life experience, helping you for the next time you pursue a relationship. That's the way I treat everything, and it really does help put the mind at ease. We all make mistakes, we all fall for someone at first sight and we all think that one person is the only person for us. Not so. Join the gym, do something to keep your mind working and to help you chill out, even making yourself feel better for the exercise! Try going for a drink or lunch in town - there'll always be single people there too. Try internet dating IN YOUR LOCAL AREA if all else fails. But most importantly, do not fret. And remain positively head-strong. All the best mate.
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