A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Does my ex still have feelings for me or not?. I dated him for a year and a half from 2015 until 2017. Then I left him for another man that we both know, who I was in a relationship with for nearly a year ( he broke up with me three months ago). My ex ( The one that this post is about) and I recently became friends again. A friend of his keeps teasing my ex saying that he thinks we should get back together and about a wedding and my ex says there is no chance because I left him for someone else. It's really difficult to figure out whether he still had feelings for me or not. He is very stubborn. I don't even know if talking to him about it would work. I might have messed up today as I was drunk ( I don't usually drink) and I sent some text messages to him saying that I know that I made a mistake leaving him for the other man and said that if I could turn the clock back, I would. What should I do?.
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broke up, drunk, get back together, my ex, teasing, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2018): None of you know how my first ex treated me and the reasons for me leaving him for the other one.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2018): You dumped him for another guy. Obviously he wasn't the ONE! Now that you're rebounding and need a space to fill in your life, you're sniffing around your ex again. Leave him alone. You hurt him enough. If I were him, I'd never give you the opportunity to hurt me twice.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (10 April 2018):
The other guy left you and now you want back with the guy you left. Until someone better comes along?
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (8 April 2018):
 OP asks:
Does my ex still have feelings for me or not?
What should I do?
First question, I understand that you really want to know the answer to this but I'm not sure that the answer will bring you help, or comfort. Before the break up your boyfriend saw you as a loving companion that he had an interest in having a long term relationship with. Now he sees you as something else. He has explained that he would not like to have a long term relationship with you. That is because he sees you now as not trustworthy, and a bunch of other words you don't want to hear.
The much more important question is do you have feelings for him? Did you have feelings for him before the break up? Did you have feelings for him at the time of the break up? Did you have feelings for him during the abusive relationship? Exploring those questions will get you closer to being a good partner, but will not bring man 1 back.
At your second question there is some help we can give.
First Read this thread here on cupid from a few weeks ago, http://www.dearcupid.org/question/breaking-up-and-getting-back-together-after-you.html
Second buy this book and read it: https://smile.amazon.com/NOT-Just-Friends-Rebuilding-Recovering-ebook/dp/B00120955S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1523213682&sr=8-1&keywords=not+just+friends+by+shirley+glass
Third Stop objectifying men and treating them like property.
FA
PS I have some advice for your first ex . he can write me for it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 April 2018):
 I agree, once again, with Honeypie.
Going back to an ex might, just might, have a chance of success if both have have the will and the chance to change what made them break up before.
But you left him for another man- you cannot " unleave " the other man, you can't change the past and undo what you have done. So, where does this leave him ?
Not to say that what youy did is particularly heinous; you made a mistake, like tons of women before you did and s tons of women after you will do.
But, don't be surprised if he does not see it this wau and does not take this attitide. Forgiveness is a gift, not a right. Obvuoisly the circumstances of your break up rankled him and still do, and obviously , or at leat logically, if a guy wants to get married why should he choose as a wife the one who stabbed him in his back among a sea of women who did NOT stab him in his back. That's not about having feelings or not, that's basically common sense.
Reason for which, I think too that you may not find him as forgiving as you'd like, ( although probably he would not turn you down for casual sex ) .
I'd just back off. You told him what you wanted to say, that you admit having made a mistake and that you really regret it . Tbh, I am far from sure that this will be enough to win him back; then again, doing more than you already did dangerously borders with stalking him, and I am sure that he would like that even less.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 April 2018):
 Most people know that going back to an ex rarely works out in the long run.
Why? Because the REASON the relationship ended in the first place is usually STILL valid. In your case, you LEFT him for another man. Either you had hoped the "grass was greener" or you weren't exactly fulfilled and happy with the guy you left. That is not a criticism of you, but what looks to be the facts.
When the "new" relationship turned sour and ended you then looked to the LAST good relationship (that with your ex-bf) and thought maybe we can start over and make it work. The thing is... quite often the saying" too much water under the bridge" is true.
I think, if I were you I'd back off. You have already stated (while drunk....) that you are still interested, so the ball is IN his court but whether he picks it up or not... well, THAT is his choice.
But do consider that there is a BIG possibility that he doesn't want to date you EVER again. He might sleep with you but not anything more serious - mostly due to the fact that you CHOSE another dude over him. He might not be as forgiving as you hope.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (8 April 2018):
 Getting dumped by someone we care about is hurtful enough, but to be dumped in favour of someone else you know is even more hurtful. Your ex was, totally unsurprisingly, very hurt by your actions. He is obviously STILL hurt. He may NEVER get over the hurt.
Imagine a new clean crisp sheet of paper. No marks, no creases, pristine. Screw up that piece of paper into as small a ball as you can. Then unravel it again and smooth it out. Is it exactly like it was? Of course not. There are scars on it from what you have done to it. Treating others badly is exactly the same. They are seldom, if ever, quite the same. What you do to them leaves scars for a long time, sometimes for ever.
I can't help feeling you only want your ex back because the guy you originally dumped him for dumped YOU. I am sure there were reasons why you preferred the new boyfriend to your ex. Those reasons are unlikely to have changed. If your relationship has been very strong in the first place, you would not have dumped him for someone else. He doesn't want to be an "until" boyfriend again - until you meet someone you prefer.
In your shoes, I would leave him to lick his wounds. Not even sure being friends is a good idea, as he is obviously still hurt. If he has any sense, he will stay away from you but, who knows? Maybe in time he will learn to forgive and trust you again, but I really wouldn't hold your breath.
Going forward, remember you can do ANYTHING you want to in life but EVERYTHING has a price. You are now paying the price for dumping your ex in favour of someone else. Swallow it up and move on. You can't turn the clock back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2018): This post wasn't about marriage. We never mentioned getting married. His friend was just joking that we should get married. And I did not cheat on him. My other ex and I were just friends when me and him were together and only told each other how we felt AFTER me and this ex broke up, so please don't accuse me of being a cheater ok??. I have never cheated on anyone. And just so you know, my other ex who I left him for was abusive towards Me, so yeah, I know I made a mistake.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 April 2018):
 To be honest if I had been dumped for somebody else and then the dumper came back and expected some sort of long term commitment like marriage, I wouldn't be interested either.
His friend is either oblivious to how your ex feels or stirring the pot for his own ends. Your ex has been quite explicit how he feels about marriage with you, and I wouldn't call it stubborn, I'd call it being smart enough not to get caught up with a cheater.
you ask what you should do, I suggest you drop all thoughts of a romantic reconciliation. If your ex was on this site asking that question I would be asking him why he wants to even be friends with you, you have already shown yourself to be untrustworthy.
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