A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:please help, am suffering from a traumatic break-up. its eating away at my soul and i feel like ending it all. i broke up with a guy 9 months ago when i found out he had a serious relatinship he was hiding from me, we went out for 3 months but those 3 months were the best period of my life, i never go through his phone or question his whereabouts and because of my phobia fgor sleeping in other people's beds, it didn't bother me that he never invited me to his place as i felt that way, i wouldn't have to tell him about my phobia. i found out about his other relationship from a friend of mine who knew his girlfriend. it took all i had in me to break up with this guy and i even failed the first time. its over 9 months and i still can't get over him, i go through the motions of everyday life without living to the full. Am now at the point of breaking down completely cos he got married last week, and instead of feeling relieved or resigning myself to fate, i feel more betrayed, hurt and angrier than have ever felt in my entire life. please help me, how can i close this chapter in my life?
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female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (9 September 2007):
 i really feel for you because i can completely relate, you are hurt and angry because you thought you had something amazing and special and then it was taken away from you - he betrayed you, he lied to you and he deceived you and yet it is you in all of this pain while he has just gotten married. its not fair.i think you need to try to accept that although at the time those 3 months were special to you and you were happy, it wasnt real. you were only happy because you didnt know what was really going on. it wasnt a good relationship and it wasnt a good 3 months for you, it just felt like it was because you did not know the truth. but none of it was real.you did the right thing by breaking up with him, and it just proves you are a much better and stronger person than his wife (presumably she knows what he did too and decided to stay with him). people like this will never change, he will almost certainly do this again. just be glad that the next time he cheats and lies, he wont be doing it to you.you have had a lucky escape with this guy, he's clearly not who he pretends to be. so take it one day at a time, give yourself time to heal and eventually the moving on part will just happen by itself.best of luck x
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (9 September 2007):
 Is it that your really afraid to sleep at another home, or is it that you feel comfortable, safe and secure at your own? Have you experienced any other trauma other than this breakup? You were betrayed and it's OK to feel hurt and angry because of that betrayal. What he did was WRONG. There's no other explanation. He was dating someone else while messing around with you, so why is he worth your time to keep this chapter open? He's not worth it. He didn't just betray you, but his wife too. He knew full well what he was doing before he did it. And he was still willing too. He's not worth it. I would recommend seeing a counselor. It's very important to sort out and deal with these issues. When getting into another relationship, it will be much more beneficial to you and fair to your partner if you're not still carrying this with you.
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