A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex girlfriend has a new guy. We split up a couple of months ago because she's moving away from university next month and now she has already found someone in her hometown. I don't mind, because she's moving on and that's what I've been trying to do. But since I found out I've had this strong feeling like I'm inferior, and less of a man. I think I'm a pretty good catch. I'm not bad to look at, I know how to treat women and any serious relationship I've been involved in has ended through similar circumstances.I just wish I could find somebody to be with who will want to stay with me. feel like I'm doing something wrong. And why am I feeling so down? I can understand that it's a painful reminder that I'm no longer with her, but why am I being hard on myself and feeling like I'm a total failure. That isn't going to help me attract a new girl so I want to shake it off! Can you help me?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (27 April 2011):
Hi there. You are not a failure! Don't ever compare yourself to someone else. No-one is any better than anyone else. We are all equal.
Just remind yourself of the reason you broke up. It was ONLY because she was moving away for university.
She did the right thing in ending the relationship, because she felt that to expect you to wait for a few years for her was very unfair.
She was thinking of you there.
If she hadn't ended your relationship, well then you would be having a long distance relationship - and they have a lot of problems. Mainly for the obvious reason of not seeing each other.
It's not really the breakup that's the problem, but the fact that she happened to meet someone else so soon.
Don't take it personally. The same thing could have happened to you - you could have met someone else first.
In any case, it doesn't matter who meets someone else first, it's just life.
By her meeting someone else, does not mean that she loved you any less.
Everything thing in life happens for a reason.
As one door closes, another door opens.
The worst thing you could possibly do now, is to try to get into another relationship too soon - just for the sake of having someone. That would be a rebound relationship, and they rarely work out well.
The best thing you could do now, is to take your mind off her and start having some fun in your own life.
The more you dwell on the past, the less you live in the present moment. You will also miss important opportunities.
You need to be present in your own life - now. Your life is just as important as hers.
Remember, it's her loss - not yours. You are worthy and deserve the best life has to give. Go out and get yourself some.
What I'm really trying to say here, is to go out with your own friends and have fun, laugh and be happy.
Forget relationships for now, and concentrate on being happy.
Happiness is a choice - every single day.
Do what makes you happy - hobbies, interests, see your favourite movies, see your friends, and go out.
Don't just sit at home and mope - it will only make you feel miserable. You need to distract yourself from all negative thoughts.
You can do it! I know you can. Have faith.
Go for walks. Exercise is great for the mind. Helps combat depression and will also help you to sleep well at night.
Good luck and best wishes.
A
female
reader, CupidLover  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 I really think that you lack confidence, but believe me.My ex broke up with me two and a half months ago and break-ups can bring a person's self-esteem and confidence down,its only natural to feel this way. Unless you treat women badly and with no respect then they have reasons to leave you, otherwise you are on the right track to finding somebody for you.Don't rush into it,spend time doing the things you love doing,going to the gym helps boost your confidence level (ive already gotten compliments on my bod since the break up).Remind yourself that you are a lovable guy,with a great personality and she's out there, but if you don't love you now,how do you expect anyone to love you?Mourning after a break-up is alright,but letting it go on for months and months is just not healthy!Hope my advice was helpful,Goodluck!
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