A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a relationship issue. I am not one of the super young people. That is why I feel bad about asking this question.I have been dating this guy, off and on, about 5 years. In year 3, he left me for someone else. I didn't want him back, but I did want closure. I prayed to know why he did that. When he said I didn't do anything and he did that because of selfishness, I hate I wanted closure.Anyway, he was in a medical emergency situation and called upon me to help him. Of course, my immediate response was to tell him to have "ole girl" come, but I didn't. Anyway, we ended up talking, supposedly as friends, but he had an ulterior motive.He came back and this time, it is worse, but only because this time, I allowed him to move in. I am so mad at myself for allowing this to happen.I have been giving him deadlines. WE do NOT have sex. There were signs when he first moved back in that there was no depth to our relationship, but I tried to believe in him. Certain things were better, but I saw others that were worse.Now, he is ill and have to have surgery. I am a Christian and do not think that it is right to throw him out while he is down. He cannot work until this surgery is complete. I have been tempted to find him an apartment and pay the first 2 months rent just to get him out. He tried to buy me a ring when I told him how I felt. I am not one who just wants to be married, for the sake of being married. I want something real and much more. What do I do? I am too old to allow someone to keep using me. I do accept responsibility for my end. I am not his wife, yet I feel responsible to be a help to him for his needs.Please help. I am almost at the point to set him up with someone else.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 May 2016):
 He's USING you? ... and YOU'RE feeling bad about it????
Get your priorities in-order.... help him find a place to stay (with the "old G/F" might be appropriate)... then forget him.....
Good luck...
A
female
reader, BelleRose  +, writes (19 May 2016):
I could agree with above and say he was using you, but I think there is a deeper side to this. He may not be using you, he may have come to you as a point of refuge and because he trusts in your kindness and Christian values. If he offered to marry you then I think that it is likely he isn't just using you for a roof over his head. However, and this is a big, however. If you don't want to marry him or have feelings then you need to tell him. You need to tell him that the reason he is in your house is because you don't want him to be alone or without somewhere to live. He is in a really bad place right now but this is not fair on you. Try looking for other charities, family or friends that can help. But start with removing the relationship element. If he is a decent guy he won't want to take advantage and might just ask to stay till he can work, but just as platonic friends. This will leave you to build a life without him and maybe start seeing someone new.You showed your kindness to him when you took him back and again now. You need to show that while you are kind, he can not use that against you.Love BR xx
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (19 May 2016):
 I have to agree.He can move in with the other woman if he wants that. You don't owe him anything.I do hope you will let him stay though as he will need time to recover from his surgery.
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A
female
reader, greymatter +, writes (19 May 2016):
This man is using you! Do not let him! The hospital likely has social workers who can help him find what he needs during his recovery. Connect him to a social worker there or one in the community and give him two weeks to get out of your home. Then, change the locks and block his number on your phone! He is not helpless--there are social safety nets specifically for his problem, and you are not a charity.
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