A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm wondering if my male coworker is attracted to me. Here's how it is: He constantly teases me and tries to get me to smile, which isn't hard because he's funny and our job sucks. Sometimes he comes up behind me and whispers "Boo!" in my ear--I've noticed he does this to my cute female coworkers too, and they always jump and scream. I don't, I am a very mellow person. He said teasingly that he was going to make it his mission to figure out what would get *me* to jump sky high. He said I'm a "mystery", and I replied that it's no mystery, I grew up with brothers.When he sees me in the morning he brightens up, especially if I am looking particularly pretty. One morning I didn't say hi to him (I was having a rotten morning and wasn't talking to anyone), and he got upset and followed me into the copy room and said I was acting twelve, and that it was "so immature" of me to ignore him.He always seeks me out on smoke breaks, and offers to let me try the new flavors he uses in his vape. Mostly we talk about politics(all-pervasive in a US campaign year), our kids, and work. Never really anything particularly personal.For me, it's nice to make another "friend" at work (I'm on good terms with most of my coworkers and have made some really good female friends), but ... Here's the thing. If my partner told me this story with the roles reversed I would be concerned. I won't tell my partner about this because he's very, very protective of me and he would *not* like it. I like the attention, because I am a bit of a flirt myself, but I don't seek this guy out to get it. *He's* the one that pursues *me*. It's very flattering, especially with a partner like mine who is constantly criticizing me. I don't intend to cheat on my partner, emotionally or physically. So, what do you think?
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at work, co-worker, flirt, immature, teasing Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2016): **Thank You!!** (this is the OP) I think I was blinded momentarily or something. I feel like an idiot but luckily no one irl noticed. You guys are the best!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2016): You need a wake-up call. Soooo what if this is attracted to you? So what, lady? So many men are attracted to so many women. You are NOT special because of it. Get that through your head, Men look. Men appreciate women. Men try their hand with women. Period. You are not unlike any other woman whom a man may find attractive or try to run his game on. In fact, there are plenty of women men find attractive and sweet talk. This man is one of them. He likely finds plenty of women attractive in the office. Duh! And if given the chance, the guy would probably jump anybody who gives him the green light. Whomever gives him the opportunity, he would probably take it. So, do not think he is in love with YOU per se or WANTS you per se? It isn't YOU! It's any warm body that says to him "let's go." He's trying to reel in any woman whom will bite the fishing line he is throwing out while testing the waters. He does this to other "cute" females you work with too! You said it yourself. This is all you need to know!This guy is an idiot. Insecure and immature. He is needing to validate his own existence by making a fool of himself in front of the ladies. Workplaces are not dating services. And he needs to act appropriately or somebody is going to report him to H.R. Yeah, you can have some fun with co-workers but this guy is going well beyond the boundaries of professionalism, ethics and good taste. He, sadly, is not unlike so many guys in offices. Making shameless fools of themselves in front of the females. Plumping up their feathers. When in all reality, they are just getting laughed at. Women who are SMART will realize their game. And motivations. And not succumb to this garbage. He is looking for a thrill and an ego boost. If you cave, he is going to have his way with you. Then dump you and make no mistake, take up with another "cute" female in your office... while you are left feeling used, hurt and humiliated. Not only that but you will be the subject of gossip in your office. That stuff can really be hurtful and it does not go away. Could you handle all that? You and him will both look like fools. And lose the respect of everyone. And not only that, I am absolutely positive it would escalate into losing your jobs as well. Add to this the fact you will lose your partner. And for what? Some stupid and silly flirtation which you will find out the hard way MEANS, MEANT and only ever will MEAN NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL.If your partner is not paying enough attention to you that you succumb to the likes of men like this, then there are some real problems to address in your relationship. Instead of taking the "escape" route which is what people most often do because it is easier and more "exciting" why don't you do the right thing? Talk to your partner. Focus on him and do things with him that might re-ignite your spark and passion together. Yeah, relationships are work. And both parties need to always work at keeping each other fulfilled or get out if you can't commit to a real relationship. You don't just go out and seek outside thrills when you get bored or feel flattered by others. These thrills, trust me, are absolutely FLEETING. And what you lose is far greater. Having to choke on regrets is not a nice way to live.Take it from somebody who KNOWS how it's all going to go down.NOT WORTH IT.NOT WORTH LOSING SO MUCH FOR SO LITTLE.Now if I were you, I would redirect my thoughts. To my job. To my partner. And stay the hell away from this ridiculous office Romeo! What a joke he is! A penny a dozen! He ain't even worth a dime! Do you really want the likes of that to drag you down and RUIN you and ruin you in so many ways?BE SMART!You are better than this!I am sure you know what the right thing to do is. So do it.If it is too hard, then change jobs.Why don't you start by planning a romantic dinner or weekend away with your partner!That would be a good start!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2016): Are you an attractive woman? Is he a straight guy? Yes to both? Then he probably is attracted to you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 May 2016):
 I think it REALLY doesn't matter whether this guy LIKES you, LIKES you... or not.
YOU are a married lady. YOU need to set boundaries.
While I am ALL for friendly banter etc. at work, this seems to have become MORE than just that for you. You seem hope for more of a "fantasy".
And I agree 100% with SVC - IT IS emotional cheating if your actions, your behavior is something you feel a NEED to hide from your spouse. I agree with her definition:
I define cheating as "ANYTHING you can't won't or Don't tell your partner".
There is a GOOD reason you wrote this post. I think it's because you know it's not totally OK. Like you said you wouldn't like it ONE bit if this was your husband flirting with a female co-worker.
Being married doesn't give you "moral high-ground".
So my advice... TONE it down. And maybe even consider spending more time with your partner, like going out on dates, doing things fun so you two can get back to a good spot between you, that way you won't "feel a need" for attention from this co-worker or other men.
Does it mean you an no longer talk to the co-worker? Of course not, but imagine having your husband stand next to you in the interactions. I bet you would act very differently, yes?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (19 May 2016):
 You seem to be enjoying this attention and you want us to tell you that yes, he likes you.
You say your partner constantly criticizes you. Deal with your partner and work on fixing the cracks in your relationship instead of looking for flirtatious moments elsewhere, especially at work.
Here's the thing. If I am in a committed relationship with someone or I'm married, then having another man whispering "boo" in my ear is not acceptable. He has to come pretty close to you to whisper something in your ear and that is not acceptable, unless of course you allow it, which it looks like you are doing.
By allowing him to take liberties with you, you are putting yourself at risk. Remember, the world we live in is terribly unfair. Men can get away with mostly anything but women are quick to get labelled.
Your co-worker may or may not be attracted to you, he may just be looking for a quick you-know-what, he may just be over-friendly or he may just be like this with all his female co-workers. There are various possibilities here but none of these should matter to you. What should matter is that
1.) you are a professional,
2.) you don't play with fire at your place of work and
3.) you don't jeopardize your relationship. If its not working then either look at making it better or end it. But don't give in to your baser instincts and don't get flattered...you probably mean nothing to him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 May 2016):
 I think that YOU have feelings for this guy and therefore will read into a flirty friendly co-worker and see what you want.
You don't INTEND to cheat and yet you are so excited by this guy's attention that you may not realize you are already cheating.
I define cheating as "ANYTHING you can't won't or Don't tell your partner"
you are having a mad flirtation at work and won't tell your partner. To me this is cheating your partner.
You say he is "very protective" but what you mean is "he is very jealous" which is totally different.
My husband is protective of me. He blocks traffic with his body to protect me.
IF i told him the above scenario he would not even bat an eye. I brought home chocolates during the holidays that a guy at work who has a mad crush on me and is trying to get me to be his something something on the side and shared them with my hubby who was told the whole story and found it amusing.
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