A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My ex gf of 9 years, broke up with me recently. She jumped into a relationship right away and did not take the time to get over our relationship and properly move on. We had a good relationship, but it was not really moving anywhere, so she felt that she found love somewhere else. She found another man and got married right away. I have not been in contact with her ever since until recently. It was only 5 months and she is getting a divorce and is 3 months pregnant. We have recently started talking as she reached out to me. I still care and love her very dearly.Is there any way this can work out? My friends and family dont even know and they would be very against it. I dont know why, but even after everything i still feel like trying to make it work out. She explained that she basically was looking for me in another person who might be better and the guy she found was not good. She realized how much we loved eachother in our relationship and only sees me as her partner right now. I want to make sure im not just her fallback plan, or her comfort, but it honestly doesnt feel like it. It feel genuine and i feel like i can look past everything and even care for her child as if it was my own. Any advice would help in this situation. I clearly still have feelings and love her very much.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2020): You will hamstring yourself for the rest of your natural born life if you let this person get close to you. She left you and jumped into a fast, careless relationship because she couldn't handle being alone. You have to be alone to prove to you yourself that you are not ruining your life by depending on someone who will ultimately disappoint you. She failed that test, and will not be ready to retest until that child is grown. And most lik7, she will jump into another fast, careless relationship and get knocked up again. Stand back, watch and see.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2020): She is back with you because she doesn't want to be alone raising a child. Good luck being the fallback plan because no matter how much you lie to yourself about it that is what you are.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 December 2020):
 Really? You are believing that she was "looking for you in another person"? That has to be the lamest excuse/reason I have ever heard. Sweetheart, I know you are hurting and want your girlfriend back but, seriously?
Sounds like this woman needs to be in a relationship, ANY relationship as long as she is not alone. She rushed into another relationship straight after leaving you and now is trying to rush back into what was comfortable because the new relationship didn't work out. How long before she is bored again and running off to look for something new with someone new? Or even going back to the father of her child? (Seen that happen so many times!)
I doubt you will listen to any advice to walk away because there is that tag on your post - you love her. That seems to be used to justify being used as a doormat and putting up with someone's bad behaviour. You may love her but does she really love you? If she did, she would not have given up on you and gone as far as marrying and getting pregnant by someone else. She is back because she is alone and pregnant and you are her comfort zone.
You deserve better but I'm pretty sure you won't walk away at this point because you "love her". If you won't walk away, at least proceed with caution and don't make any long term commitments. Take things slowly and see how they work out. I predict, once the baby is born and she is over the shock of losing her marriage so quickly, she will be a different person again. Give it time and keep your eyes open.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOP Here - Hey Honeypie, Thanks for the honest feedback. Just a little more detail. My family would be against it mainly because they know how badly she hurt me by leaving me. The breakup was actually very sudden and popped out of no where. Other than that, before hand my family loved her. Everyone got along and they basically treated her like a sister since we were together for 9 years, so of course they were affected as well. The reason we broke up was because she felt that our relationship was not moving. At the time we were both jobless, i just graduated college, but no job, i started lazing around and had no direction. She met the other guy and became friends with him during our relationship. She barely knew him though as she only been friends with him a little over a month. I knew of their friendship and did not think much of it as i feel secure enough that she wouldnt do anything behind my back. We have talked about the baby situation, and i think i am willing to handle the "package" as well as deal with the ex husband, but as you said this is something that must be taken very slowly and i have to tread very carefully as well. I really want this to work out, but is it really possible? or am i just being way to hopeful. Also will this make me feel less of a man by taking care of another mans child, especially someone she left me for and then came back?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 December 2020):
Sounds to me like she can't be single, especially with a baby on the way, she needs someone to help take care of her and the baby and she knows you'll be acceptable. She may be telling you what you want to hear, but there's plenty she's not telling you. My opinion is that if your weren't right for her in the first place you still aren't, and it will only be a matter of time before she does the same thing again and you have to get hurt again.
Been there, done that, won't do it again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 December 2020):
 I think I would go SUPER SLOW here. If she jumped straight from you to another and once this other guy didn't work she is RIGHT back at your door, she is NOT giving herself enough time to process the break ups. Neither of them.
And this time, there is a baby and a ex-husband in the mix.
She will be a "package deal" if you DO decide to rekindle this. Her, her baby and her ex-husband/father of the baby. Not just HER.
Why is your family so against her? I would perhaps TALK to them. NOT to ask permission but to hear why and what they have the say. Because you might have some "rose tinted glasses" on when it comes to her. Where as your family might JUST be looking out for your best interest.
I think she is comin back to you because YOU were the LAST thing (before her marriage) that worked. So she thinks you two can JUST pick it up where SHE left it off. THAT isn't realistic, OP.
Why did you two break up?
Is that issue resolved? If not, I would NOT just back in until it is. You shouldn't have to "look past stuff". Because IT WILL crop up again.
Lastly, she seems impulsive to me. And careless. She ends it with you and jump straight into a new relationship (OR were she ALREADY seeing him before you two broke up?) she then marry him, get knocked up STRAIGHT away and then divorces him ALL in the SPAN of 5 months?!!!! I mean WHAT? Unless she KNEW this guy BEFORE you two broke up, she basically married a stranger. She WANTED "greener grass" than you. Someone "better" as she put it. When she realized HE wasn't better, she ended THAT relationship and now wants to pull YOU back off the shelf and pretend nothing happened. Even with her having a "bun in the oven" from another man!
You are her fall back plan. She knows you are a GOOD guy who WILL take care of her and her baby. She doesn't WANT to be alone, so YOU will do. Is she also looking to move in with you ASAP? Does she work?
This has alarm bells going off left and right for me. So many red flags.
The fact that you seem to excuse what she did makes me think that you won't really listen to advice. The whole "but I love her" IS not a carte blanche for her to TREAT you the way she did. Or for her behavior.
You can LOVE someone, and they can be SO wrong for you.
I am REALLY curious as to WHY your family aren't keen on her. I would really like if you would elaborate.
Sorry, OP this sounds like a really bad idea.
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