A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello AuntsI'm 28 years old and have severe depression. (It's the functional kind, which means I seem like I'm okay on the surface except I'm very emotionally numb). I have been having very low drive sexually (I'm single and was in a long distance for some time). Even though some guys flirt with me on a dating app, I don't feel any excitement. Sexually I forgot what it feels like to have that rush or interest. I can sense that my drive is very low basically. Is this due to the depression. I'm taking therapy for it. Can anyone share their experience or suggest something. It feels strange. Earlier I didn't notice this because I was preoccupied with certain other things. But now that I'm trying to date men I have become very aware of it!I was very sexually active and know it used to feel a certain way! Even when I was single and say, had a crush on someone. :( Am i too old? Will this change? I have also been having mild hormonal imbalance in the past few months.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2020): Hi
Hope your depression lifts soon, maybe in the new year check with doctor about possible hormone imbalance, a simple dietary change could sort some of this out You are still young.
Hope you have a Merry Christmas, and a better New year.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2020): Let's deal with the obvious first: you are NOT too old!
Now, the best description of depression, in my opinion, was given by JK Rowling in the Harry POtter books: dementors, prison guardians who suck the life force out of their prisoners, so that they don't need any bars or cells or surveillance. Prisoners have no desire or energy to escape.
You can't just will your libido back. Granted, some meds can drastically lower it, but, even without any meds depression can seriously decrease it.
What you need to do is not overthink it and make a plan of how to take care of yourself. Basic stuff goes a long way!
Make a list, a plan and stick to it.
Start with personal hygiene and grooming. If you can afford it, go to cosmetic salons if not use what you have, but use it regularly: hand creams, body lotions, facial masks, good shampoos... if epilation makes you feel better, by all means do it! Shave your legs, armpits... Take care of your hair, whatever the length.
Eat right and exercise. Start by not buying unhealthy foods and stock up with fruit, veggies, lean meats... MAke a reasonable exercise plan, even if it's just walking every or every other day.
Try to have enough of quality sleep. Whatever distract you from it - change it. Try not to use the screens a couple of hours before going to bed. Read a real book, instead of e-books. Get a library card.
Don't "discuss "it with yourself once you make a plan, just do it. Take a shower before going to bed and put on the body lotion every night, don't let your mind suck you into a debate about it. The same goes for exercising or going for a walk. Just put on your trainers and go out for a bit.
If you like watching films and tv shows, a good investment, at least for me, was a stationary bike, a really basic, cheap one. So I would put on something I wanted to watch and hop on my bike and NOT feel guilty for staring at a TV.
Simplify your life, starting my decluttering your home, organizing your wardrobe, books, shoes... If you have clothes that doesn't feet anymore, give to the Goodwill. You need to be able to wear clothes that fit well and that you feel comfortable in.
Simplify your relationships with other people. If there are people or situations that make you feel bad, avoid them for now, until your develop some more resilience. You need to put yourself first. That doesn't mean you should ignore family and friends who need help, you just need to be aware of your current status and what consist of emergency for them.
To illustrate. My sister can't deal with any kind of unpleasant emotions. She would call in the middle of the night when she had an argument with her bf, when she would have a tiff with a cashier at the local store or if our mother was feeling unwell. You see for her all of the above is an emergency. But it doesn't mean that I should treat it as such. In my book, only the last one deserves a call at 2 AM.
If you keep doing things that exhaust you, you will wear yourself thin and that's bad for libido and feeling sexy.
Try reading some romance novels or watching romantic films to boost your mood.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2020): Talk to your doctor.It could be the depression or the meds or hormones or maybe that is just the way you are.The point is you will never know until you see your doctor.Go asap.
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