A
male
age
41-50,
*oolman
writes:Hi all,Well, where do I start. Let me give you some background information.I was with my ex-girlfriend for over 6 years and she split with me last weekend, 1st March. It was her choice, we split as she thought we didn't feel right and she was not going to marry me, or buy another house with me and a number of other reasons. We had just sold our house and she said the timing had to be now to split up.She is ademant that there is nobody else and is interested in nobody else. I totally believe her. She was always VERY trustworthy with high morals!She said she still loves me but feels we cannot be together. She has said she has a "switch" that basically means she has got over me just like that....... how can that be?! I just don't understand......I am really missing her, feel alone and miserable...... I know it is only a week but I just want her back. I love her so much.My friends and family are being great. I am living with my Mum at the moment. When I go to bed the feelings are worse. I feel terribly alone. I have a feeling of despair in my stomach that just won't go away. I can't imagine myself with anyone else, ever - Nor do I feel I want anyone else!How can I get over this??????? How can I move on...... When will these feelings stop :(I am fed up of being depressed and low............and it has only been a week! :(
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): The only advise that I can offer you is that you should take your days one at a time. Of course its going to hurt for some time but, stay strong, stay bussy with work or hobbies and time will pass. Hopefully within a few months your heart will not hurt so much and you will begin to see that there is a reason for everything that comes your way.
A
male
reader, cupacabra  +, writes (7 May 2008):
I am 7 weeks into your problem and I'll tell you it is HARD early on. I try to keep my cool, but at night I know how you feel. Also my ex-girl has a new guy from her workplace so, I'm getting double-shot from this. I want her back too, but be patience because I am very patience and going through the same thing as you is testing my patience.
Seven weeks ago, I would not be able to tell you all this because I was in your state. I you pray I suggest you do that in a worship house where you can be calm. Concentrate on calming your heart because it's coming from there.
I had the same duplicate situation as you Toolman.
5 years, trustworthy with high morals and also the SWITCH that she would not marry me anymore, even though I want to because I love her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): I'm going through the same thing. Love of my life, eight years. One day she was just "over it". Let me tell you a few things... First of all, your girl got over you easily because she has been thinking about breaking up with you for a long time. If she never wanted to marry you then it's a good thing she's gone. She probably never loved you nearly as much as you loved her anyway. I'm not being a dick, I'm in the same boat. Secondly, there is someone else! Admit it! Face it, move on, expect to be in pain for at least half a year. Try to get into a casual relationship to remember what it's like to not take girls so seriously. It helps. Last, cut off all communication with ex. and even if she comes back, be weiry of her, she may rebound off you a few times to boost her esteem if she gets dumped by whoever she's seeing now. It sucks dude but seriously don't be this chick's doormat...I've been there.
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A
male
reader, Toolman +, writes (12 March 2008):
Toolman is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi Gena,
Thanks for answering :)
I am doing my best to shake off the feelings of despair. It is just horrid that I really want to be with her but she doesnt want to be with me, I hate it :(
She lives about 60 miles away from me now. She moved in with her Mum and I moved in with mine. That is about a 1 and a half hour drive.
Well, we still have stuff to sort out from the house. I have only seen her once since we split on the 1st March. When we saw each other first I was angry and upset, then I apologised etc etc and we had a chat. She was crying, so was I. It wasnt pleasant :( We had several long cuddles, it was great for that feeling in my stomach to go for a while..... When she left about 2 hours later after sorting out the stuff she wanted another cuddle, so we did - I really wanted to as well. Then we said our goodbyes (no kissing!) and she left......... I have to see her again to close the joint account and she needs to pick up the rest of her stuff from my Dad's house.
So, there is no carrot :( She explains it as a switch in her head. She can simply switch off to what is happening, obviously to a certain extent but it seems to work for her. She has just started a new job, so that is keeping her occupied as well. She also lives with her Mum, step-dad and 2 brothers who also keep her occupied I am sure - oh, and the cat!
I was OK with everything earlier today, now I feel rubbish again....... I just want this feeling to go away and get on with my life - with her in it as a friend.......! She said she can and wants to be friends with me, so do I - I want her in my life no matter what! I have known her since I was 23 or so, I am now 30 (31 on the 20th March! - eek!)
John :)
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A
male
reader, Toolman +, writes (12 March 2008):
Toolman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Shamandalie,
Thanks for answering :)
It is weird, I was OK earlier, now I am home that feeling in my stomach has returned and I miss my ex-girlfriend again..... it is pointless, so I am trying not to...... I know she doesn't care about seeing me......... I do know she misses me (she said as much) but also said she wasn't missing me as much as I am missing her - If you see what I mean :-/
I find that my life is full of places that remind me of her in one way or another - When I go home from work I would normally head straight back home to her...... I am not now....... When I go to the shops of food shopping, it would remind me of her........ etc etc........ the worst thing at the moment are objects....... I even saw a hair of hers in my car on the seat she used to sit on........ It is horrid........ and I hate it.........
I just want to move on and forget........ I guess that is something? I am sorry you are going through a similar thing :( When did you split up?
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A
female
reader, Shamandalie  +, writes (11 March 2008):
Hang with your friends. Go out, but avoid places that bring up memories. I'm going through something similar and the worst part of it is thinking and rethinking about it. But also give yourself time to grieve: I had to cry out of sight because my parents were very happy with my break-up (in fact they had about 70% of the blame for it). If your family and friends are supportive then it's something better. Give it time, and if you see you can't move on then consider therapy. It will help you.
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A
female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (11 March 2008):
 I'm glad you have 'mum' to be there for you, although she isn't going to help solve the problem. First of all, shake off feelings of dispair. Your friend is in a crisis of sorts-she needs her space. Let her have it. Give it some time. Is she nearby or far away now? Are you two still seeing each other or did she snip the cord completely? Is there a carrot dangling or not? Let me know the answers to these questions, and I can tell you more.
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