A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, Long story cut short. I was in a lesbian relationship with my gf for two years. She kissed a guy during our relationship (even lied to my face and was secretly sending messages to him). This pushed me to pursue my dreams in working abroad. Up I left but soon returned after 6 months because I was heartbroken. Fast forward two years. She contacts me everyday and we have sex at least once a month. Two months ago, she went travelling for four months. Before she left, we had sex and she told me she loved me. She’s contacted me every single day and rings regularly. Yesterday, we were talking and she opened up to me. She said that she almost slept with another guy (she was one) but he was flying over to where she currently was and that he messages her, telling her that he misses her, etc. She also went back to another girl’s room and did stuff on another night. She’s also been messaging another girl from the UK that she met who she talks to regularly. She proceeded to tell me that she loved me. Of course, this made me feel sick to my stomach as she told me that she didn’t want to pursue a forever relationship with a woman. I don’t understand this? It’s made me feel physically ill. She just messes with my head and my emotions constantly to the point that I can’t get past her. I gave her my heart and soul and she gave me two years of creeping around. Even after one evening in January when we had sex, she said that we were taking steps backwards and that if it was going to ever be in a relationship with me again, it would have happened by now. I don’t want to speak to her anymore as she just pulls and pushes all the time. However, she always has a way of worming her way back in. Can someone please help me figure out her behaviour? How can someone start relaying their sexual conquests (in brutal detail) to their ex and then proceed to say “love you xxx”. She said she wants to be able to talk about things. In the heat of the moment, I told her I was dating someone else (I know, I know) and she’s been trying to overcompensate. Please help!
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (15 June 2018):
 Unfortunately, you're doing this to yourself. You KNOW what she's like and, other than throwing a few "I love yous", she's not hiding her motives. You give her sex, that's all she wants.
Now's the time to cut ties permanently; she won't change her mind. Sometimes people realise what they've lost, but it's clear she doesn't feel you would be a loss because she's got many others.
I'm sorry, OP, but this won't get better until you get rid of her and block her on everything.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (14 June 2018):
 Explain her actions?
It’s very clear that she thinks of you as nothing more than easy sex. She openly tells you that it’s not going to develop further and isn’t really hiding the fact.
You mention you ‘gave her your heart and soul’. Okay, so what? What does that matter? What does she give you in return? Sex and three meaningless words. Anyone can say ‘I love you’. I could say it to my next door neighbour the next time I see her but it doesn’t mean anything unless I back it up with my actions does it? This girl absolutely does not love you. She has sex with you then continues to do whatever the fuck she likes.
You’re wasting your life here on someone that doesn’t care about you. Someone who did wouldn’t fuck you around for years then nonchalantly mentioned ‘oh, I screwed some other girl last week, hope you don’t mind x’.
You are letting her treat you this way so this is how you always will be. You are giving her the green light to sleep with you then go and meet other people. Why would she stop? You had the perfect opportunity to move on when you went abroad to work, but you came back because of her and continued to let her walk all over you. YOU are the only one that can change things, so until you decide that your mental well-being is valued higher than screwing someone who used you for their ego, then you’re going to be leading a very self pitying lifestyle.
Why she is doing it is irrelevant. The real question is why are you putting up with it? Why aren’t you searching for someone that respects you? Want more for yourself.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (14 June 2018):
 None of us know her or her motives. I have to ask though, why are YOU so hooked up on HER? You KNOW she messes around with other people. You KNOW she messes with your head. Why do you not think you deserve better? It sounds like she needs a "sounding board", not a partner. YOU cannot fix her.
When you went abroad, you should have stayed there. You would eventually have got over the heartache and started to mend. You didn't really give yourself time but came back to be messed with again. That was a CHOICE on your part. You need to see YOUR contribution to this situation. It is a TWO WAY thing. She can only have as much effect on you as YOU allow.
It is easy enough to cut her out of your life, but you must actually WANT that. At the moment you don't, which is why you haven't done it. There is nothing anyone can say to you that will make a difference until YOU see that you are worth better than this.
Your choices are simple: cut her out of your life, go through the heartache and start to mend and live again, or carry on living this screwed up half life of hurt with her. Seems a no-brainer to me, but then I think you are worth better. The question is, do YOU?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2018): You're friends with benefits. Exes do that, because it's convenient. It also keeps you from moving forward. It strokes their egos to know you can't. I'm gay, and I know the score! It's such an old-story, it's cliche!
She drops in for a booty-call or a hookup now and then. You're trying your best to make something meaningful or sensible of her hit-and-run connection to your life. You're being played; but only because you want to be.
She's not messing with your head. You won't let go. You're feeding on the drama.
Want all this to stop?
Cut all ties! Block her number, change yours, disappear from social media, and move! Get new friends! Ghost the hell out of her!
What the hell you tell her you were dating someone else for? Oh yeah, to intensify the drama!
Get a life, grow-up, and break your addiction to this lesbian-drama.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 June 2018):
 No, OP this shouldn't be about HER and WHY she is doing - but WHY you are allowing it.
YOU know you are miserable.
You know she is stringing you along.
YOU know she sees no future with you.
YOU know she is using you.
YET you keep her in your life. If you are sincere about NOT wanting to keep hurting over this person you need to CUT her out of your life, like a tumor. BLOCK her number, DELETE her number and ALL contact info. Remove, unfriend, block her from social media, let her e-mails go straight to the spam/trash folder etc. etc.
You make it sounds like she has all the control and you can't "help" yourself. That you incapable of putting a stop to this nonsense. But the truth is OP - you are getting something out of the drama. Or you would have said, "SCREW this!" a long time ago.
And please don't pull the "but I love her"... LOVE doesn't excuse how she treats you. HOW you ALLOW her to treat you.
Take some responsibility here OP and make up your mind what you REALLY want. Either you want her and this high-school drama in your life or you don't - and then you act accordingly.
Stop giving a a single F about WHY she is doing it. IT doesn't matter. She obviously knows how easily you are to manipulate and how willing you are to not put yourself first.
So, OP what do you want?
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