A
female
age
30-35,
*rueLoveWaits2016
writes:I'm at a crossroads w/my relationship and I am deeply torn. I love my bf and he is my best friend, but there is something I have to consider as well. Since he left college, he has been working a mediocre job in which I know he isn't happy (he told me many times). He has been planning to go back to school, but always finds a reason why he can't. He is also overweight, which we are slowly working on. My parents tell me that eventually I'll get bored w/him. I want a future w/him, but I also want someone healthy and well rounded as we get older. Before I met him, I went on many many dates w/different guys, none of them caught attention or they weren't interested. What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2018): He's trying to please YOU. Of course, for the sake of argument, you'd defend yourself by claiming it's all his idea. Well, for his sake; I hope it is.
I hope he is committed to it; and he's not just doing it because he senses your disappointment. Which, by the way, may be adding to his lethargy. He can see it in your eyes; if you never utter a word. He can deduce from the suggestions you make, what you're really thinking about him.
You are a sweet, faithful, and supportive woman; looking-out for the guy she loves. Remember back when you learned how to ride a bike; and how your parents carried you part of the way? Then let go! Carry him part of the way, then let him takeover. If you don't, you may get frustrated; if he isn't making progress as fast as you deem he should. Which further supports my advice about this matter.
Best of luck, my dear!
A
female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 +, writes (14 June 2018):
TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe started working out together and have actually set a schedule. He is the one pushing for it and I don't have to hound him to work out.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (14 June 2018):
 I suspect, rather than get bored with him, you will get frustrated with him.
Is it possible his weight is a contributory factor to him not looking for a better job, or going back to college? Could he be embarrassed by his weight? Or perhaps the weight makes him feel lethargic and stops him doing stuff?
Have you tried going on a health kick WITH him? Doing some sport perhaps or, if he is not up to that, starting off by doing some walking together and building up? Perhaps, once he has the physical side of his life more "under control", he will be more inclined to do something about his working life?
Or perhaps he is just one of those people who is happy to "free wheel" through life, never quite happy but not unhappy enough to do anything about changing? In which case, you have to ask yourself if that is the life YOU want for the next however many years. You cannot force him to change (and, indeed, he should not have to in order to keep you happy) but you CAN choose whether this is what YOU want. It sounds like you are already frustrated with him. This is not going to go away. He MAY be a lovely bloke, and your best friend, etc, but if YOU are going to be unhappy staying with him then it is time to call it a day.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2018): You can't change your boyfriend. It's not up to you to decide how he should approach life, or set goals for him. You don't get to orchestrate or arrange his life in order to synchronize it with yours. He seems complacent; and maybe even content with his life. Just unhappy with his job.He isn't what you think he should be. That's going to pose some very serious problems; because you're going to spend a lot of time coaxing him to catch up with you. That will take you out of focus on your career-goals; and will knock you off-course. Slowing you down. At the same time, making him feel bad about himself; and as if he disappoints you the way he is. You're trying to be his mother. Not his girlfriend. It's okay to morally-support him; but he's a grown-man. He has to be self-motivated and believe in himself. Just as you do. Being over-weight doesn't stop people from achieving success or happiness. Your self-esteem is only damaged when your weight or appearance seems to bother other people. You're growing and changing. He is not. You love him; but it seems your main objective is trying to prove your parents to be wrong about him. I think they're right. They also know you! Better than you may know yourself!You want a future with him; but if you have to judge the future by the present, that seems quite bleak. So you're going to hound him about his weight, pressure him about completing his education, insist he find himself a better job, and make you happy. That's a huge undertaking. When will you have time to follow your own dreams?Sorry, my dear! You're going to be very unhappy; if you think you're going to slow-down your own life, in order for him to catch up with you. He has more or less settled; and it's up to him to be self-motivated. His ambition and energy has to be self-generated. You can inspire him, make suggestions, and give him a push. In my own opinion, I think you will be wasting your time; and he will only frustrate you. You're going to slow-down your own progress trying to prove everyone wrong about him. That's actually up to him to do.
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