A
male
age
51-59,
*biwan kenobi
writes:I am in a situationwas with my girlfriend for 13yrs, we had no kids as i have a low count but she had a son from her first marriage, we never married it wasnt really dicussed, but we got on regardless...life was good but ......she was always accusing me of cheating, but i never did, i was just good fun and confident and not bad looking and well dressed(even if i say so myself)and was the life and soul of the party..people liked methen in 2008 we split, she left and i didn't know why but i got with a girl i used to go to school with, i never loved her but sex was fantastic, then my ex and i got back to gether.i kept seeing the new girl for a couple of months then told her its over when i realised my ex and I had a future...about 10mnts later i slept with the the girl from school again but i told my girlfriend about it as i was feeling guilty, i explained that when we split i found solice in another woman, but my ex was upset about it....my ex told me to pack my bags but wants to be friends so i did..we went out for six more months meals and drinks and hugs and kisses but at the endo of the night we went back to our separate flats .. then this last xmas she told me she has a new man and she wants to make a go of it, i'm gutted and devestated but how can i win her back, shes not answering my calls or txts , shes moved on and its all come as a bit of a shock as i thought we were getting on ...what should i do..I love her dearly and the fact her heart is with some other guy kills me...i don't want to be with another girl right now and i do understand that i need to move on, but my plan was to spend the rest of my life with my ex, even tho i never committed, we still were together 13yrs, my question is shes been seeing him since just before xmas, how can i win her back....she wont answer my calls and txt, i only tried once, dont want to bug her, but want her none the less..please help.
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ex girlfriend, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (26 January 2011):
With all the will in the world, we can't make people love us... you arent alone in what you are feeling right now. I know we have been harsh with you, the truth hurts I guess... but please, please, let this go, and move on.
A
male
reader, obiwan kenobi +, writes (25 January 2011):
obiwan kenobi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionobviously she likes new guy and he may be great....i want her to want me ..not him.thats my agenda
she's gone i know it......just clutching straws...over and out yeah.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (25 January 2011):
I personally think you should put your energy into finding yourself a new lady and learning from your mistakes.... you are flogging a dead horse!
How do you know this new man isn't making her happy! If I was a betting lass, if she was seriously still in to you, she would have been in touch by now. Give up and move on!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 Buy her a ring. Set a date. She may well continue to reject you, but words won't convince her. Actions will.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): She doesn't want you back. Stop trying to think of excuses why she does. You're in denial.
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A
male
reader, obiwan kenobi +, writes (25 January 2011):
obiwan kenobi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe knows i love her that goes without question, she wants stability and to be loved, i didn't take her out as much as i shouldve cos of our working hours..i just want her to know that i can give everything to make her trust me, i don't think she hates me but hates how it ended..
just want her back...dont want to leave it too long, so girls out their if ypuve ever given a man a second chance after a really bad situation please give me an idea of how to start getting my ex to believe in me again and start the rebuild of love trust and devotion..
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 January 2011):
Of course she wouldn't forget you, she's just not interested in continuing your relationship as it was. She's not "throwing away" 13 years, she's just not going to give you the next years of her life. There's a difference there, in the way you and she are thinking about this.
Why don't you tell us what you want to happen, then perhaps you could see your next move?
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A
male
reader, obiwan kenobi +, writes (25 January 2011):
obiwan kenobi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx for the resposes guys..the fact that she ignored my contact does concern, but the last time we broke up she gold me all sorts such as don't call , im not coming back and hanging up and stuff, this time she's less angry and determind, so im in two minds...but yeah i really would move heaven and earth for her, just not sure where to start..
and the only time i contacted her was the day after she told me about new guy two or three weeks ago...can she really forget me after 13yrs?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 January 2011):
She obviously has moved on if she is with a new man and is blocking you from her life, so I'm sorry to report I don't hold out much hope for you. Your options for reaching her:
1. Personal appeal
2. Phone call
3. Written letter - on paper, not via email
4. Email/text
Then the real question you will have to answer is, what is it you want, what is it you are prepared to do, basically, how is it that you have changed and will now fully commit to her?
You don't sound very certain of yourself, you want her back but don't present a compelling reason for us to believe that you are really ready. If you can't convince us that you are a changed man and are prepared to go to the ends of the earth to win her back, how will you ever convince her?
The way I read this, you have already had your last chance with her, and didn't commit. This now is your forlorn hope, the final charge at the fortress that has appeared around her heart. We can't win her back for you. YOU have to decide to try, and then go for it. It may not work, but then you will know you have tried everything and can then start your personal healing process.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 January 2011):
 She knows where to find you. If you love her so very much then sit back and wait it out. Just remember life is short.
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A
male
reader, obiwan kenobi +, writes (25 January 2011):
obiwan kenobi is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni thought id get some help and advice here, but it feels more like a public hanging,....i made mistakes..ok im human...doesnt stop my feelings
the fact my ex has another man is not the issue, i wanyed her back before she met and we were dating again...so...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): Doesn't sound like a rebound or payback relationship to me. She obviously wants you out of her life if she's ignoring you so vehemently. Leave her alone and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): You would stoop so long as to propose marriage just to get her back?
Don't bother. You don't want to get married.
She's moved on and you need to do the same. I'm guessing that if she wasn't seeing another man you wouldn't be so keen on proposing.
Let her go.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (20 January 2011):
 You had 13 years to propose and you didn't do it. You broke up and you didn't do it then either. But let her date another man and NOW you want to propose. Typical. A new man comes on the scene and suddenly you want to be all SuperCommitmentMan.
Too bad. You lost. She's moving on. You should try it yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): so you all think its a lost cause?....i have made that mistake and i know my pain is self inflicted, just want to know if i stand a chance...and if so hhow i could go about it..
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female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (19 January 2011):
If proposing to her is something that you feel you need to do then so be it.
However, what you need to prepare yourself for, is the rejection because like we have all said, she has obviously decided to give this new relationship a go.
Prepare yourself!!!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, obiwan kenobi +, writes (19 January 2011):
obiwan kenobi is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondo you think if i proposed it'd be a good idea, she'll get the committment and i would never ever look at another woman, but since her new relationship is new, less than a month, i could still win her over, i must be in her thoughts, surely you can get over 13yrs just like that..
but if i di ask her to marry me, do you think its possible she'd reply favourably?
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A
male
reader, obiwan kenobi +, writes (19 January 2011):
obiwan kenobi is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni made bad judgement, i was weak and caved in to temptation i knw i did wrong...i still want her back...and i have accepted the new guy, i havent chased her since last monday i giving her the space she obviously needs...
im just so sorry i forced her away....
but after 13yrs surely i still have a chance no?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): the majority of relationships,where others have come between it,whether for a quick what she doesnt know type fling or whether an emotional one,whatever eventualy leads to breaking up through the insecurity its caused and the one who caused the insecurity cannot live with a person they created,and seem to believe they are mistreated and dont understand why what u say isnt believed.. Kiss its arse goodbye she`s gone,you messed upyou caused it and if you had value and loved would not even look at another woman. She`s your ex and is not looking back at you as a happy memory believe.If you text or phone her,instantly she is reminded of that crap she doesnt know why she put up with all them years.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Not backing u. If you are into someone 100% u wouldnt have wanted anyone else and that is even for a length of time after splitting up. The other woman wouldnt have even turned you on because u would have only been able to think of the other one who u think,but dont really love. You might be better bein the joker u think u are an if who is your future comes to u,there wont be anyone else with either of u. If her heart has moved on to someone else, its likely it never even belonged to u anyway. It has now found where its meant to be. Love your penis because its got more influence over you than love has.
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A
male
reader, obiwan kenobi +, writes (19 January 2011):
obiwan kenobi is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know that by not marrying(committing) it seems as tho' i didnt want to be with her...its just that, we never bothered...but she knows i love her and the fact that i cheated really upset her, she was never one to show emotion and trhere were other factors in our relationship that killed things, like the mate she moved in and couldn't get rid of, things like that ..but i love her so much, and i cant believe she hates me or doesnt think of me, but i hope the new guy is payback or rebound and she isn't really in love with him....yet...is that possible so quickly?
she took me back before surely she can do it again...if i have the chance i will marry her, i just love her so much..our mutual friends are just as shocked..maybe if i leave it a few months and then get in contact i can start the ball rolling again, what do you guys think?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 January 2011):
It sounds as though she gave you 13 years to decide to commit. When you didn't, and then cheated on her, um, you basically demonstrated that you were untrustworthy AND unable to commit.
She has judged you by your list of accumulated ACTIONS and your words are not going to alter the damning conclusion she has reached. Sorry.
Unless you buy a ring, book a wedding hall and hire an officiant, ensure you have a home for her to share with you, cut all ties with this ex, and basically show her that you are prepared to fully commit, you have no chance. You could try taking out a full page advert in the local paper and apologize publicly for your cheating and failure to commit. Put the picture of the wedding ring and the home you've organized for her in the advert. Basically shift heaven and earth to show that you are serious about this. But that's probably simply being overly dramatic and if she has moved on, as it sounds, it's a case of too little too late.
Sorry. Maybe with your next girlfriend, you'll be more aware of this. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, obiwan kenobi +, writes (19 January 2011):
obiwan kenobi is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know that by not marrying(committing) it seems as tho' i didnt want to be with her...its just that, we never bothered...but she knows i love her and the fact that i cheated most probably really upset her, she was never one to show emotion and trhere were other factors in our relationship that killed things, likethe mate she moved n and couldn't get rid of, things like that ..but i love so much, and i cant believe she hates me or doesnt think of me, but i hope the new guy is payback or vrebound and she isn't really in love with him....is that possible so quickly?
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (19 January 2011):
She's made her choice. You should step back and respect that. Your relationship was effectively over when you cheated on her. If you got back together you would still have to overcome that obstacle, and right now she has decided to be with someone who hasn't broken her trust.
Sorry, but you need to move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): It sounds like you set the stage for a casual relationship. If you never discussed marriage in 13 years, how on earth can you expect her to see you as forever material? The added knowledge of relationships you've been in probably made it even less so in her mind.
She's not your forever mate, I'm afraid. If she was, you'd be together by now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): I think you just have to let the dust settle. Leave her alone. Let her get on with her life for now. Who knows - it may not work out with the new guy. Then you can make a move. But for now you cannot win her back. Why would she dump a new guy for someone who has let her down in the past. Do you think you may desperately want her now because she has found someone else. That can happen all too often. Perhaps she feels there is too much history between you two and its better to start with someone new. You might just have to accept the situation sadly.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (19 January 2011):
13 years is a long time to be in a relationship so although she is with this new guy, she won't be able to just switch you off out of her head. There will be occasions when she is doing things, that will no doubt make her think of you.
However, in saying all that, it does sounds like you have had your moments of ups & downs, and the fact that you continued dating them both does make me wonder whether she has thought enough is enough and she would just like some stablity in her life. A stress free relationship for starters!
Bascially, there is little you can do to win her back and the fact that she hasn't replied to your texts is an indication that she is trying to move on and make a go of the new relationship.
Sorry if it isn't what you wanted to hear, but I suggest you move on and try and learn from this relationship.
We have all had our heart broken at some point in our lives and at the time we think we will never recover from it.... but we do....it just takes time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): commit to her by way of marriage if she is whom you want to spend your life with
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