A
male
age
36-40,
*amesdee
writes:me and my girlfriend broke up recently after 11 months, we fought a lot, bt we always seemed to make up. We both did things we weren't proud of, but recently she decided she wanted it to be over. She went out within a few days and has already kissed someone else, even though she said she wasn't attracted to him, nor is she interested in anyone else. I have tried to get her back, but she has gone from wanting me back to now saying she hates me, and wants me out of her life forever. I still have strong feelings for her i still want her back and am struggling to cope with not havig her round. I don't know what to do, I lost my mate when I went to uni, so I dont have them to turn to, I am hurting so much but she said for me to leave her alone. what do I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007): thanks for the reply it helps, the ex contacted me about a week ago begging for me bak thro texts and emails saying am the love of her life blah blah, have changed my email and phone number and i thought i would feel better! bt it hasnt just made me feel worse wat do u make of that
A
male
reader, Uncle Stu +, writes (21 February 2007):
 James. I'm going through the same. My ex has a new Boyfriend and even as I write this, there outside kissing. Dude you have to remeber that it just wasn't meant to be for you guys. If she's doing all the stuff you say, then it ain't worth getting upset. There are a million and one girls out there that proberly kill for a guy like you. so, as Hard as it may be, tell her you'll respect her choice but you can do so much better. Hard as it is James, It will work. Good luck James.
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A
female
reader, Nikita +, writes (25 January 2007):
 James, Im really glad that you feel you can start to move on with your life. You sound like a nice guy and one day you will meet a girl who will treat you right. She does sound very troubled and it sounds like she took it out on you. I dont think that she likes herself very much to be honest from what you say and she probably has insecurity and self esteem issues which is why she had these one night stands and seems to need attention from guys. In the right relationship there will be balance. You shouldnt be then one to give all the time and there should be respect and from her there obviously wasnt. She needs to discover herself and resolve any issues she has in order to have a healthy relationship but its not going to be yet obviously so like you said you're starting to move on and thats great. One day at a time and all that. Good Luck James.x
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A
male
reader, jamesdee +, writes (24 January 2007):
jamesdee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks nikita for the kind words, i think your right - she never knew what she wanted, i think though within a month or two she will regret her decision, and come back. when she does i won't give her the time of day, have decided i have to move on with my life, i truly thought she loved me obviously not! and sitting getting down about it isn't gonna help me, i gave her everything i had, and everything that was me, and she chucked it back in my face. i suppose i would have been ok splitting up if she had done it peacefully, but she said some absoulty horrible things, that she new would really hurt me. she came from a very troubled past, and all i did was try and be the first person to treat her right, even though it hurts and i suppose, i will have times were i will miss her a lot, these random guys she wants so badly are quite welcome to her, she was known for one night stands before she got with me and am sure this is what she will revert to, i intend to find 'the one' and never look back, i know it will hurt for a while yet, but i feel i am starting to move on. thanks again for the kind words, nikita. you helped put things i perspective again.
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A
female
reader, Nikita +, writes (24 January 2007):
I think that by the sound of it, she didnt really know what she wanted. 11mths is not a long time to know whether you truely want to marry someone. In the beginning our feelings can be very strong and you may think that you've found the one but its not always the case. Obviously, she's not the one and the 'one' is still out there for you to find. You're young and you will find the right person for you although it may not feel like it at the moment. Im sorry you're hurting and I hope you can move on from this. Take care.x
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A
male
reader, jamesdee +, writes (24 January 2007):
jamesdee is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni just wanted to say to the last reply, y its so hard to deal with is the fact she told me she loved me and wanted to marry me, i generally thought that she was the one, i really thought she was the love of my life
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A
female
reader, Nikita +, writes (24 January 2007):
Hi there, I know its hard and it hurts like hell but you're going to have to take a step back away from this girl and let her go. She's made her feelings very plain and you will only make things harder for not only yourself but her as well if you keep clinging onto her. Having your heart broken is truely painful I know but you will get over her. it just takes time. Its a cliche but its true. Go through the pain, work through it and you will come out the other side and meet other women and have fun with them. Make other friends if you've lost your other ones and go out and try and socialise. Put a smile on your face even if you feel like crying. Good luck and take carex
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A
female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (24 January 2007):
 You two have broken up now so she doesn't need your permission to kiss other guys. Sad but true. You have to accept it. You're not doing yourself any favours by hanging on to her when she's already let you go. The last thing you want to do is make her annoyed with you right? So just back off a little and let her be. Sorry about your friend buy the way. But s/he wasn't your only friend was s/he? And he'd want you to enjoy yourself wouldn't s/he? So go out with your mates (that you still have) and enjoy yourself. Meet some new girls and take some numbers. Just have fun and enjoy being single(don't rush into another relationship just yet though). In time the pain won't be so unbearable.Your ex girlfriend has moved on and so should you. xx
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (24 January 2007):
 You do as she asks . . . leave her alone.
Obviously, things weren't great to begin with or you wouldn't have "fought a lot." You say you have "tried to get her back." I'm not sure what that technique involves, but it's next to impossible to change someone's mind about how they feel about you. You have probably made the matter worse. Just leave her alone. If she wants to make contact with you, let her be the one to make the effort. Otherwise, dust yourself off and go about your merry way.
Good luck!
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