A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Me and my now ex gf have broke up several times due to her cheating and addiction to dating sites. Each time she ends up turning up in an emotional mess and i get suckered,before i know it i am saying to myself, 'i am with her again'. Then within a month she has repeated her cheating again. Its been 4 years. I have met someone else yet i still cannot get the betraying,insincere ex out of my mind. My new girl deserves better. What do i do?
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broke up, cheated on me, ex girlfriend Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): A typical reason for infidelity is that one spouse may be a narcissist who often becomes a serial cheater. The narcissist is most likely to have many affairs and will pursue anyone they can manipulate with their boundless words and actions. Narcissists are self-absorbed and tend to be highly charming. They have a constant need for admiration. They view all events in terms of how the events impact them and them alone. They are master manipulators and feel an "emotional high" with each new conquest. Their behavior is often impulsive which can appear exciting. They are unwilling to see or consider anything from another person's viewpoint. They will continue the emotional control with a target until the relationship becomes too burdensome. They utilize no moral boundaries in their pursuit of admiration and physical activity from the opposite sex; Their targets are usually married which heightens the feeling of conquest. They frequently have several affairs going on at once with no regard to the damage caused by their reckless pursuit of self-gratification. Narcissists develop specialized talents such as crying on cue, "elegantly" deceiving without stumble, saying just the right things at just the right time, etc. all designed to aid in attaining their goal. Their behavior is more than a lack of self-esteem. It goes to the very core of the individual's personality and is a pervasive aspect of their lifestyle. This character flaw prevents them from keeping marriage vows and in the vast majority of cases narcissists will forever cheat on their spouse. It is interesting to note that narcissists rarely divorce and will fight tooth and nail to remain married. This is believed to go along with the "need to be accepted by all" mentality that narcissists possess. As strong as their need is to conquer outside their marriage; they turn into weeping idiots if/when their spouse even suggests divorce.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): I am the poster. Thank you for your replies. Please note,the relationship lasted 4 years and broke up 2 months ago. I did write that wrong.
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A
female
reader, mammaboo +, writes (22 November 2011):
 Many women do this too. You need to do more things with the woman you have now met,and go out with your friends and have no contact with the ex atall.She has gone!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): Work on understanding cheaters and why they cheat.
"i still cannot get the betraying,insincere ex out of my mind"
If it has been 4 years since you were involved, and you are still "stuck" on this ex, then you should probably get professional help. There are reasons that this happens, and only a professional counselor can help you find that and work on that part.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): I got someone to get over someone once and it didnt work. The only thing that works is getting over them in good time first. That means nil contact. Forget any "lets just be friends" or anything like that. Dont let the ex back. People who constantly cheat,often cheat on good people with people who wont offer them a relationship. In my opinion she is trash. Sorry if that hurts you,but it is true.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): My apologies. I sent you a link that was part I and you should read that as Part II gets into where you currently stand. Adult Survivors and the Cycle of Abuse.
http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1352
*hugs*
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): Serial Cheaters are Addicts. Addicts are not emotionally healthy people. Usually the healthy are not attracted to the unhealthy.Does the Ex remind you of anyone from your past? I am thinking you are transfereing some memories, emotions from a past event/person onto her so if you can FIX The EX and WIN her LOVE- you will finally have closure on your past unresolved matter.It may sound far fetched but it is a common cycle of abuse/drama/pain that people play out.http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1334I am suspecting that if you look into the above article, you may find some answers to your question and get to understanding yourself a bit better.Sometimes understanding that when one makes unhealthy choices, especially when it comes to love; there is usually an underlying, unresoloved issue that needs to be addressed.I will suggest counselling to aid you in your recovery from abusive relationships. The stronger, wiser, healty you will make better, healthier decisions.The thing about addicts/serial cheaters- some people are addicted to them and the drama they bring into our lives, because it distracts us from our inner pain.Make Sense?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 November 2011):
 It is obvious you are just not ready to move on yet. You are emotionally attached to your ex and you allowed her to treat you bad and you still kept taking her back. She is not going to commit to you, that much is obvious at this stage. Do you really want to keep hurting yourself like this. Allowing her to walk over you all the time.
You are now in a new relationship, but it is clear to see that you are just not emotionally ready for another relationship yet. You need to get your ex out of your system. You need to make sure that all contact has completely stopped and you just need time to accept that it is over and nothing more should ever happen between the both of you again. You need to be sure that you are never going to let her back in to hurt you again or else you are not going to move on.
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