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female
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anonymous
writes:Hoping one of the great and caring agony aunts can help me here. I was with my boyfriend for twelve years and he just packed his bags and left two and a half years ago. He went back to his hometown and reconnected with a new person. Understandably she wants him to have no contact with me and really there has been nothing for three years except we each phone each other at new years to say hi and to mention what has been happening in our lives. I mentioned that I would be having eye surgery to fix my eyes as my eyesight is really bad in the new years message I gave him....I left a message...did not speak to him directly. He phoned back...entirely out of the blue last night and left a message saying that he was glad I was getting my eyes done. This really was a shock. He is thousands of miles away but I will be in his home town on business in about a month. When I call back should I suggest we get together? What would have made him call out of the blue like this. Our breakup was not bitter....just kind of painful for me.
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (9 February 2008):
 I got some very good advice when I was younger. Let the past be the past and always keep your life moving in forward. It would be one thing if there were circumstances beyond his control that caused your breakup but it seems he made his choice. Life is always better in forward, but that's just me. If you can share a cup of coffee without thinking you're getting back together then do so as friends but if in the back of your mind you want him back then I think you are setting yourself up for further hurt and rejection.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow...thank you for the prompt and thoughtful answers!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): I'd keep it as friends. He made his choice after 12 years and started a new life. I'd be afraid he would do it again. Best I think to move on and have no contact.
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male
reader, Namatjira  +, writes (9 February 2008):
I think if you entertain thoughts of getting back together you will always be bothered by the circumstances. Did he regard his time with you before going back to his ex as an interlude? Does he now want to get back with you because he has become bored with his former ex (now present GF)? Can you ever trust him?
My suggestion would be to let sleeping dogs lie and just keep it to friendly contact at each New Year and do not meet up with him. If he start chasing you ask yourself why and accept that he seems to be someone who cannot make up his mind and so can never be trusted.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): I would go near him. I think he just wished you well out of respect, but nothing more. You say you keep in touch every new year, well i would just leave it like that. How hurtful for him to go back to someone from his past and walk out on you. No way would i want to be in his company, but that is me. No i dont think you should meet up. If you want to mail me than please do so, i will tell you a tale about something similar that happened in my past.
take care
xx
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 February 2008):
 I think you should as after all you are still on friendly terms.Even if he does not want a deeper relationship, you can always be friends.
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