A
female
age
41-50,
*tkels
writes:I am 34 years old, married for 6 years, with 2 children. My husband and I have began on a rocky road. His family caused alot of trouble between us the first 2 years. We finally got past that, only to run into financial trouble. My husband is a "dreamer"; always talking about starting his own business, but never takes any action. He has 3 companies that he always talks about starting. In the beginning, I paid off $40,000 worth of his debt. I have always been the breadwinner, while he works temporary jobs. He has no initiative. We have an 11 year old boy and now a 2 year old girl, the latter I did not want to have for obvious reasons. We still have sex, but it is just that:sex. I don't find him attractive, we have not kissed in over 6 months. Recently, I began to have conversations with a co-worker. We've known each other for 4 years. He is 38 years old and married, but his relationship is troubled as well, wife travels a lot. We have found solace in each other. I enjoy my conversations with him. We both admitted to each that we had crushes on each other. He is super hot, with a great body. I held a meeting with him this week and it got hot and heavy. We didn't have sex, but now we want each other even more. We both want to move this forward, but are thinking of the consequences. I am willing to do it and keep it a secret. I need sound advice. Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): I am in the exact same situation that you are in. It is very hard when you are in this type of situation. Can be easy to get into this scenario, but hard to get out if you want. You and your coworker can tell absolutely NO ONE!!! It is not good for anyone, bestfriends/coworkers/close family, to know about this. Keep your sex life with your husband up as well, so he does not suspect anything. It may even improve your sex life with your husband! Good luck with this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): Talk to your husband and try to work it out. If you can't, then divorce. There is not one good thing that can come out of an affair except for a temporary relief. Think about your family! Think about what this would do to your kids if they found out you ripped apart your marriage by having an affair. If you don't want to be with your husband anymore, then get a divorce.
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A
male
reader, Transcowboy +, writes (9 February 2008):
 I say go for it, but also change your life if your not happy, Divorce the Hubby, but if u want to continue with the other guy, and he makes you happy that is all that matters.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (9 February 2008):
 Ok Advice: Don't do it.
Reasons: You fall in love. Torn between kids and lover. Go crazy. He falls in love. You won't leave. He goes crazy. Becomes a terrifying liability. Your husband finds out. Goes crazy. Both men have fight. Somebody gets hurt. Somebody at Police station. His wife finds out. Takes revenge, wrecks your career. Huge rows in front of kids.
Alternatives: Get divorced. Date prospectives. Select suitable long term partner.
Good luck, Richard
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): I'd suggest you both go to marriage counseling. It seems he may have a low self esteem and doesn't have the courage to follow through with a business adventure. Of course, it takes a good deal of money to start a business.
Whether or not you both can work things out and have a good relationship is questionable.
An affair is not good. Always put your self in the others shoes, like your husband, and ask how you would feel if your spouse had an affair. Though you crave closeness, having an affair may leave a painful rememberance. Children usually find out the truth, and can hurt them to.
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (9 February 2008):
You should end one relationship before starting another. It is also wise advice to have some time on your own in between to both clear your own head and to sort out the baggage.
Even if you continue to think it is okay to cheat, what about the example you are setting your kids. Usually children are not aware of all the details that cause hardship in a marriage but cheating cannot ever be kept secret from them and they may decide that it is you who is at fault whether that is true or not, just because you cheated.
Tell this other guy you will only consider a relationship when you are both free to choose and not before.
As a last thought, if things followed through to their ultimate conclusion and you and he got divorced from your respective spouses and wanted to get married, could you really trust someone who was prepared to cheat on their wife just to be with you? Could they ever feel able to trust you knowing you were prepared to cheat on your husband? Would cracks start to appear in your relationship because it started on a foundation of cheating?
Think long, hard, and honestly before you make any rash decisions.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (9 February 2008):
 First of all, the status of this man's marriage is none of your concern....period. Do not use that to bolster, justify or minimize your actions. You say you had a meeting with the other adulterer that got hot and heavy but you didn't have sex. What do you mean by hot and heavy?
You listed your husbands bad points. Do you think that your bad behavior is a positive thing or is that also a bad point? You "may" have reason to be interested in another person but that could also occur if your husband was an angel. Based on your side of the story, your husband has made the marriage challenging and now, so are you.
If you want to end your marriage, do it with your head held high. Why do you want to go out of this as the cheater? Not only in the eyes of your husband but everyone else in your life, including your kids.
You are complicating this situation. Nobody will remember your husband's bad points but yours will be the ones that cause the most pain. It sounds like you should have got some counseling long ago.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): Dont do it you will live to regret it. If your marriage is so bad then why do you still have sex? Why are you still with him? If you need to get away and be with someone else then do this when you are free and single and not behind your husbands back. And the bloke you are with should do the same. Dont do this. Split up, if you must, or work things out, but dont cheat. The cheaters can often end up being the cheated, what goes around comes around and how would you feel if this was being done to you? Crap! Get things sorted out in your own household. If you do split with your husband then spend some time just on your own, or with just the kids before you jump into another relationship. There are a lot of things to consider, and the kids have to be considered also.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 February 2008):
 What no man see, God can see.
Sooner or later, it will not be a secret and you will be exposed.
It would be better to leave your respective marriages if there is no more love .Rather than have clandestine love and where you will cheat and lie and the guilt will cause your health to suffer.
Do not commit adultery for there is a very heavy price to pay.
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