A
female
age
30-35,
*1ffoulkesg
writes:i split up with my ex 8 months ago now and went through a faze for the first few months after breakup where i didnt talk to him. recently iv decided i really want him as part of my life again just as friends cos i miss his company. its not that i want to get back with him i just miss having him there in my life. the problem is hes not talkin to me anymore and wont reply to any txts or letters i send to him. what can i do to make him talk to me again? DONT SAY MOVE ON!!
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move on, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): I've been broken up from my ex for over a year but I still think about her. I have moved on (I've dated other gals and continue to do so) but I hate the way things ended between us and I kind of wish we could at least be civil with each other. She does the same as the rest of you, no replies (I've only written her twice since we broke up). Anyways the best you can do is put your hand out there in goodwill, if they are too insecure to take it then that's their problem, not yours. That "thing" you had with them is probably gone, it's not worth trying to dig it up again.
A
female
reader, AimeeBubss +, writes (29 August 2010):
I have te same problem, we went out for 2 months and 2 weeks. we split up 6 months ago and for the first month we didnt make any contact at all, then we started talking but only arguing and hating eachother then we became friends, then we decided to get back together but a week later e dumped me again and we havent spoken since. i really miss him and i know that you told us not to tell you to move on you really do have to. so do I. im finding it really hard to but one day when you're feeling happy delete all pictures of him, tear up all pictures of him, delete his number if you havent already, delete or block him from any social networking sites you use and gradually he will fade away from your head. im still not strong enough to do any of this as im waiting for the day to come that he will talk to me. but dont be stupid like me, get on with your life and enjoy it. plus, boys like happy girls :) x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): Believe it or not im in a situation quite simmilar only we broke up id say about 2 weeks ago and we had been together for 4 months 2 days and me and my friend were ignoring him at first then i got to thinking and i really wanted to talk to him again but he would just ignore me so just on the 15th i tried talking to him and he finally talked to me but it was more of a negative in fact he said "what do you want i thought you hated me since you wouldnt even talk to me" but he didnt get the point that i was sorry and i wanted him back in my life and one of the worst parts was he was one of my best guy friends.... but anyways there's some what of a way to haddle it but try instead of trying to start random talk try saying im sorry about what happened can we still be friends or something along those line i really hope i helped you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): Write him a SHORT handwritten letter:
1) Tell him you agree with the break up and since he obviously needs space now you'll give it to him
2) Tell him of something exciting that's happening in your life that you must tell him of sometime (that he's not a part of)
3) Wish him well and tell him that maybe someday you can be friends.
Be VERY cool, calm and okay with the whole thing. Let him see the great girl he fell in love with at the beginning (without being able to have her right away). People crave what they can't have.
You'll be fine. Enjoy your life. He needs to know that you won't crumble without him. If he thinks you can't do without him, it'll be too much pressure for him. Who wants to feel like they are the raison d'etre for people's lives? Only psychos and insecure people.
Take care of yourself. That's the best way to counter this brief (unpleasant) moment.
He'll be back if he really loves you, and when he does, go SLOWLY and let him earn your time. If you place value on yourself, then he will too. It's a mirror effect.
Bonne chance!
P.S.: Got this advice from a guy. They know what works. They've pulled similar stunts with their female friends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): OK, we are not allowed to say move on...
This guy won't talk to you and you miss him in your life...
Why are you asking for advice, when it's obvious you don't want to hear what we've got to say. Continue doing what your doing, as it seems that you know what will suit you best...
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A
female
reader, Lib1  +, writes (1 September 2008):
 As well intentioned your want to be around him again is your feelings are selfish. My ex right now is telling me that he wants us to be friends but in order to be friends I couldn't in his words, go dating behind his back. Now, as much as I'm sure he does not want to get back together does he really have a right to tell me I should make a personal sacrafice to get less from him than what I was getting before when we were still together. He really misses my company and that came out of his mouth. I'm sure you don't think what he says makes any sense but missing someone can make you have irrational feelings like that.You might not realized it but you're being emotionally selfish in the matter. You want the company of the person because you enjoyed having them around. I mean thats why you got together in the first place. But with "Its over" comes the undeniable truth. You don't owe them a damn thing as much they don't owe you a damn thing anymore. You're lives are sepearate and have nothing to do with eachother. As much as a realationship takes two to tango so does a friendship reconciliation. If he won't return your texts then back off. You can't get what you want from him anymore, even if it is just his friendship. The break up was completed and you said goodbye to any right to have him in your life anymore.
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A
male
reader, brett785 +, writes (1 September 2008):
 well just try and if u can meat him just tlk to him nice try and be good dont say eny noghty woreds then try and be good freneds 4 a bit then eny look
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): I'm going through the same thing. My plan is to finally just force myself to surpress the desire to communicate with her and give it time. I hate that! Why does it take so much time? But dude is right, I didn't seek her out for 4 months, so why should she talk to me now that I'm ready? Stupid time factor.
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A
female
reader, lily81 +, writes (11 June 2008):
Really you cant make somebody talk to you. Maybe he's not past it yet. You seem kind of selfish. You didn't want to talk to him until you were ready. Why don't you give him the same curteousy.
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A
female
reader, Star_Fish +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Can you really blame this guy? You guys broke up and you ignored him for months. And now you want a friendship? I don't know who ended it, but it sounds like he is bitter and over the situation. You could give him more time, but I think bombarding him with letters and phone calls will only make him avoid you more so take a break from it a while.
Besides why would you waste your time when he's ignoring you?
If he comes around he comes around. If he doesn't then that's it, you can't 'make' him talk to you.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, M! +, writes (11 June 2008):
 well it looks like you've tried everything. You don't want me to tell you to move on. But im sorry, you really do need to move on. 8 months is a long time and this guy obviously moved on and now its your turn. There are better guys out there so just start looking for some one else.
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