A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a spot of bother. I'm a confident man, I am friendly, I keep my apperance neat and I'm hygenic, I can be funny, yet whenever I try talking to a girl or ask her out they always get bored and go away. People who read this will probably say it's just one of those things that happens, but it is EVERY time. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. HELP!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Dr T  +, writes (29 September 2007):
Yeah Bro.. any examples?
I mean no woman I have ever met has really reacted too well to chat up lines.
Are you talking more about yourself or then or just the world in general?
Give you an example, in a former incarnation I was a business coach and something I used to ask people to do was to start a converstion at a dinner party with someone they didnt know and in 15 minutes find out 15 things about them (other than sex, height etc) Many people couldnt do it or would ask 'how?'. Simple ... ask questions?!?! If you start someone talking about themselves you have asked an expert to talk about their specialised subject. Try it. Have you ever been to a party, dinner, bar where you saw or met someone who was quiet but asked a lot of questions? People will say of him/her: 'was a great conversationalist' even though they say very little. Why? Because you had a great conversation talking about yourself to someone who was interested enough (or clever enough)to ask!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): Try asking her questions, and when she answers, reflect back what she said in your own words, this shows you are interested in HER and are listening without judgement....this over time will create a bond of friendship which is what you want to start out with for a great relationship.
Don't try too hard or try to impress her or pretend to be someone you are not....talk about yourself of course, but give her a chance to relate back to you her own thoughts and experiences and then respond as if you know how she feels about that or you understand her.
If you find you are having to work at this kind of dialogue too hard with someone, then there is no connection between the two of you, this just means that she isn't compatible with you or of like mind....you will know when you meet a girl you click with, and you will, but it takes a lot of the kind of experiences you are currently having to find her.
In the meantime, try to enjoy dating or getting to know girls, it is supposed to be fun, don't put too much pressure on yourself to find her, and then she won't feel too pressured and can be herself with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): Confident or cocky? Do you throw out the chat up lines?
I think that many women are put off by men that come accross as too confident. perhaps its not what you say but its the way that you say it?
Maybe the things you say are those that have been heard a million times before, without knowing you or seeing the way you work its difficult to say. could you give me a scenario?
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