A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I split up 5 months ago.We were great together, we were totally comfortable with each other, in a way that I never have before, we had fun, made each other laugh, the sex was good.But for some reason, we made each other insecure. I felt insecure about his ex girlfriend who quite clearly still wanted him back, even though he couln't see it. I was also financially dependant on him for a few months (we lived together) and that made me feel inferior. He sensed my insecurities and became convinced that I didn't truly love him, which I did. I only found out he felt like this one night when he was very drunk, and became emotional. The trouble with him, is that he bottled things up, and won't open up as often as I'd have liked!We have stayed friends, we will always have a strong special bond. I was happy trying to move on, even though I missed him so much. I wanted to try again but I was scared of putting myself in that vulnerable position.He initiated talk about becoming "friends with benefits", he wanted to do all the things we used to do, go out for meals etc, hang out, intimacy and cuddles, nights in together...And see where it went. But he couldn't guarantee it would end up as a relationship, because right now he is happy not having a serious relationship, but he misses me.I don't really kknow what to do...I find it hard to go into something like this without some kind of guarantee that it might go somewhere, or get serious. We have both had "rebound" flings since the breakup.Just before we broke up, he had told me he wanted to marry me (he didn't propose). Then we broke up very suddenly, he told me everything had got too much for him, he felt depressed and alone.I'm just confused, I love him, and miss him so much...I guess I don't understand why he doesn't KNOW if he wants to be with me...?
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broke up, depressed, drunk, ex girlfriend, his ex, insecure, move on, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (19 May 2008):
 Because he gets on well with you, but just wants the sex. It sounds like you have a very good basis for a friendship, but nothing more. You say it was 'perfect'. It wasn't perfect was it, beacause you had insecurities?
If the guy is suggesting friends with benefits, my guessing is, your instincts in the past were right!
C xxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): He doesn't know if he wants to be with you because he has not grown up yet, he doesn't understand that love is not a feeling, but a concscious decision to BE a loving person worthy of love, he hasn't made a commitment and from the sounds of things does not want to....why he is suggesting all the benefits of a committed relationship without the actual committment.
Knowing this, this isn't about you or how lovable you are, it is about him and his inability to see his way to putting you first, he is selfish and doesn't want to have to stand up and be a man and a real partner to you.
Don't make the mistake of thinking having sex with him will get you the serious relationship you want,,,,if you are OK with seeing him, sleeping with him and watching him look for someone else then fine, but stay broken up with him and give him the chance to miss you and realize he can't have you without the committment. Good Luck.
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