A
male
age
41-50,
*roberi
writes:I Have a woman I care deeply for. She is very big on keeping private stuff private and avoiding pda. She also has had horrible past relationships. We had been dating for about 4 months. She told me early Sat morning before we went to bed, that she loved me, this is the first time she has ever said it. Later Sat night we went to the club, and I have some social anxiety. I have a very hard time if I can't have the comfort of touching someone I am comfortable with, for that reassuring security blanket. Well I try hard not to make her uncomfortable, so much so, that I try to hard at times, and not touching her had kinda sent me into a bit of a mood. I wasn't mad at her, but i was confused and couldn't figure out how to fix the issue. Bah I am so rambling. Basically, Sunday morning, after we got back from the club, we ended up getting into it a little. And she broke up with me, saying she cannot give me what I want. Thing is she is giving me everything I want. I think she feels I was pressuring her for a committed relationship. We basically have one, just without the verbal committment, so I see no need for that. All I have needed is to hear her say that I matter, she has done that now, but now, she is, I think, running scared from this. I thought thru all the things she said, looked at things from her point of view, and I think I can see where things have gone wrong. I keep a journal for her, she keeps one for me, I have written about alot of my thoughts in there, I am just trying to decide how best to do this. I am trying to wait for her to call me, but it is so hard. I truly love her and she means the world to me. I am also a hopeless romantic, and tend to go with the over the top flowery romantic things, and she i think at times loves this, at other times, is over whelmed by it.Help?
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male
reader, oroberi +, writes (19 May 2008):
oroberi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Emily, I think the same, its just kinda killing me to wait. I have friends suggesting against me sending a letter, she isn't really a flowers kinda girl, but I did think about that too.
I think I am going to write a letter stating simply
"I have been putting alot of thought into what you said the other night. I can see where your coming from, and I think I may even have learned a few things about myself while doing it.
I want to talk to you, but I want to do it on your time table, your terms."
And hold onto it a few days and mail it if she doesn't call.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (19 May 2008):
Write her a letter with all this in. You won't be pressuring her for an instant decision, but you'll be telling her that you love her and want to get things right from now on.
Ask her what she needs you to change to make the relationship perfect and explain the things she does that make you anxious etc. Tell her you will wait for her to make the next move as you don't want to pressure her.
Send flowers as well. She'll know you are thinking of her and want her to get in touch but won't feel overwhelmed.
I sounds to me like you two just need to sit down and talk about things properly and really listen to each other and you can get it all sorted.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, oroberi +, writes (19 May 2008):
oroberi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am getting the feeling my question is getting passed over. I don't know, more likely, I am just a nervous bundle of fear right now, chewing at myself.
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