A
female
age
41-50,
*alyda
writes:Dear Cupid, when I was 20 I met a wonderful young man of 22. We started dating and became deeply in love with each other. We dated for 2 and half years, then in our first year of university I decided to come to canada to continue and he went to another country. At the time I we did not know not discuss how long we were going to be apart, big mistake! We were young and were not thinking about marriage and kids and dod not know how hard long distance relations ships can be. We promised each other we would never stop loving each other. The separation was very painful but we kept in touch through email and phone for a year and then he started seeing someone else. Before he told me I could feel he was distance and wasn't calling as often. I kept complaining and getting mad until one day he called and told me he could not stand lying to me and that he was seeing someone else but did not want to lose me and was so sorry. I was so hurt, our love was betrayed and I trusted him so much. During the time when he was cold I started hanging out with a guy we kissed but I never dated him or had sex. I was hurt but after a few month, still in love with him I contacted him and told him that I love him no matter what we stayed in contact but he was still a bit distant so I understood he was still in the relationship so I stopped contacting him and he never called either. That was a year and half into the long distance when it all ended. I went on with my life and 4 years later I went back home for holidays and memories of him came back, so I found his number through his parents and called him. He was still in the other country just hours away. He was so happy to here from me and called me all the time and even invited me to visit but my time was up and I had to come back to Canada. He was still with the same girl he cheated on me with years ago. Back in Canada we emailed every day and on valentine day he told me he never forgot about me, remembered me each year when it was my birth day and still deeply loves me. I told him I always loved him too. He truly apologies about hurting me so much by cheating and that he never forgave himself, I cried so much and could not believe the pain was still so fresh. But I love him sooo much. I wanted to be with and him with me, but he said he was going through a break up with his girl friend and I should give him some time to finish it up, so I did. I was still a bit hurt so I asked why he cheat and destroyed everything we had? He said it was the distance, lack of closeness blalbla...Anyway we started dating and it was like magic, we emailed and called everyday. The love was so strong it was like a drug, everything was back to normal and we made plans that he would come to Canada so that we could finally be together. He had a job there and it is not that easy to get a work visa, so he was worried he would have to rely entirely on me but I ensure him that we would do our best.After a while he became distant again, I called, emailed with no success. The only response I got was that he is going through something and I should give him some time. I was getting fed up as it went on for 4 month of silence treatment so I started to see someone. Then in January I send him an email saying that I was not mad and that I understand long distance relationships are hard, so we can just stay friends. But he said he wants me back that he misses me and he was sorry but i told him to give me the chance to love another man the way I love him. He insisted for a while and finally stopped. I always loved him but try to give other guys a chance.It has been a year now and I have been in a not so good relationship for 7 months. Then my long time ex sends me a happy new year email, so I hesitated to contact him but since I am in a bad relationship I called him crying telling him how much I still love him. He said he never stopped loving me but he is in a relationship now. I told him I was engaged but trying to end the relationship. My ex said we are not meant to be far from each other and I believe him. After 9 years we still love each other like the first time. I told him that I was ready to move back for him, but since he is in a relationship he asked me to give him some time before he can give me a definite answer. He says he never stopped loving me but still feel guilty for cheating on me the first time. I ended my relationship, not for him but because it wasn't working. We email and call each other and tell each other how much we care but I feel bad that he is in a relationship and I am still trying to get him back. But that other person deserves true love and right now that is not what she is getting.Am I wrong in wanting to live the rest of my life with the man I always loved? Is giving up everything and moving back for him a big mistake?
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a break, cheated on me, engaged, long distance, my ex, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (22 February 2009):
 i have to agree with the anonymous writer. If he truly love you..he would have done anything ...i mean anything to be with you. Why do you have to drop everything and run to him. He should be running to you to prove his love to you.
Look this man cheated on you and you still want him back. If you go for this relationship...expect a life of where he takes you for granted and maybe cheating on you again.
I wouldn't trust him.
I think you need to let him and the idea that "he's the one" and the fantasy of you both living happily ever after out of your mind. Yes..you were both in love once. But that is in the past. I would look ahead to the future.
And if he wanted to be in YOur future.. He would have done something about it. Don't look at what he says...look at what he's done. And by his actions... I would let it go.
sorry if its not the answer you want, but i would think about it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): I don't know. It seems like everytime you reconnect and attempt to establish/rekindle the relationship he says, "Give me some time, though". Huh? What is that about? If he truly had/has this deep, undying love for you, he would have crossed the earth for you years ago. He didn't do it then, he's not doing it now - move on.
I hate to sound so harsh, but I hate when women settle for so much less than they deserve. Good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, lodge123  +, writes (21 February 2009):
Bloody hell, you've been through a lot... truthfully....GO GET HIM! You only live once! Just go for it, he makes you happy! Can you really stand not living with him for the rest of your life?
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