A
female
age
,
*ock chick
writes:my ex partner and i are still living in the same house, until i get my settlement to put down as a deposit on my new home.I am still an equal owner in our home until i get that money and sign off the deeds but when we are in the house together he manipulates arguments - puts me down and bullies me until i am in tears and feel bad about myself. I try to do the same back to him, but the argument then escalates until it is verbally nasty.He is always wanting me and my daughter (to my previous marriage) to move out to live with my mum but i refuse - so we compromise (i stay with her 2-3 nights ) but when i compromise, he brings his new girl friend to my house to stay , and demands that i don;t come back until my time is up at my mums.I know i don;t have to do what he tells me as i have rights and i own the house too, but the paperwork is all going along for my settlment money and my new home, but i just feel so sick at the thought of them in the house i still own at the moment.part of me wants to move to my mums until it is over as i know this situation is not good for me, but i partly don't want to make it too easy for him.I honestly don't know how he can feel good about himself when he knows i am so upset about the situation and neighbours seeing her car on our drive when i;m not there.I should be in my own place in around 6 weeks - but i can't get my thoughts around the fact she is there and i have to move out because he is so bullying and makes me feel weak and pathetic and want to get away for a while so he can;t belittle me.Am i weak for moving out knowing she is coming round?I can't stand his complaining about me (ie i dont do this i dont do that, i am a sponger and after a free ride from him etc)I don;t deserve what he is putting me through although they do deserve each other = he has been married twice before and done the same to them as he doing to me so i know it's not me and he is a serial womaniser who lies constantly
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): I had to get out in the end as he was making me ill.
If i felt as strong as I do now, I would have stayed to get the money he promised me, but I didn't and I had my daughter to think of too. He did me out of £20,000 - alot of money but what good is money, when you are in a hospital?
Your ex will be the loser - he will lose his kids - you do what is best for you and your children and one day, he will get his just reward (as my ex will)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): Hey - I know what you're going through. I am in the same situation. He asked me for a divorce, but refuses to leave and torments me constantly - text messaging and calling his new "skank" in front of me and my two kids. The kids are beginning to hate him and feel the need to protect me at night and sleep in the same room as me in case anything happens! My lawyer has advised me to stay...why? The only reason I am staying is so the kids are not ripped out of their home because of his selfishness - but if it gets any worse, I will be sure leaving with the kids!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): HiI must say well done for not giving in and letting him have his way although its a high price to pay just think in a few weeks you will have the money and you and your daughter will be well rid of this scumbag as I have said before the other woman should take note as this will be her in a few months/years belive me. I had to stay with my ex till our house sold and it was hell I spent alot of time at my mums but I did not move out and he is wrong for even suggesting it let him stay with his g/f for a few night you have come this far don't let him manipulate you anymore who said he was the boss anyway!!
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A
female
reader, Beckto  +, writes (15 July 2007):
 Put your pride aside for the sake of your daughter and for yourself. Your daughter does NOT need to be exposed to this madness, and neither do you. If he's going to be unbearable to live with, then get out. Stay with your mom until you get your settlement. You'll be happier and your DAUGHTER (who he apparently doesn't care about) will be happier and safer.
Who cares what he thinks. If you leave and he thinks he has triumphed, who cares. WHO CARES! You know the real deal. You know why you really moved out -- for the honorable reason of protecting your own flesh and blood. She should be your number one priority, and right now, it seems he is. (by making sure he's not "getting" what's yours...)
You're done with him now. So, why waste any more time on him. Your settlement could take way longer than you think it will take to get. That's a reality. So, an endless hell, brought on by yourself by staying in that house is so unfair to yourself and your daughter.
You're not weak for leaving. In fact, you're far stronger to abandon your pride and do what's right for those who count on you.
GOOD LUCK. Be smart.
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A
female
reader, LynstHolin +, writes (15 July 2007):
"Am i weak for moving out knowing she is coming round?"
No! Taking care of yourself if more important than making some sort of point. As long as you get the money you have coming, staying in that house gains you nothing (except stress and bitterness). If you stay, you may 'win' in the contest against your ex, but you will have wasted so much time, and for what?
If you have the choice between living with someone who wants to make you miserable and someone who has loved you since before you were born... Well what do you think? :)
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