A
female
age
51-59,
*urora
writes:My ex and I are about to go to court over his access to our son. He has previously had weekday and weekend contact including stay overs but our relationship has deteriorated to such an extent that I don't want to see him anymore.This is obviously going to cause problems for him picking and dropping off our son so I'm going to push for a contact centre but this will mean he will lose much of the contact he previously had.Does anyone know how the courts are going to view this? Can they make me see my ex in order to hand over our son?This is about the British courts by the way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): I would use a contact centre as a very last option. it sound like you guys have just broken up all over again or just finalised things. T
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): Are you absolutely sure you need to go this far? I realise things have deteriorated but perhaps you could arrange a cooling off period whereby you have someone mediate who could 'handover' - not through a centre necessarily? Obviously I'm not sure why or how this has all happened. I'm not sure if this is something to consider I just think court is such a huge step. I am not being judgmental but I wonder how your child may feel when he is a little older to know for the rest of his life that his parents fought in court over him. Children want to know they are loved - not a battle field. If there is any chance at all.... to keep emotions aside and not go through this process would it not be best? Without wanting to sound dramatic we all sit and watch the news wondering why on earth we ever went to war - not even remembering what the point was in the first place and it seems now that there has been no improvement in living standards anyway. It begs the question why did we press the yes button? Could people not just sit around a table and talk out the troubles gradually? Is a war a step too far? I hope you have some time to think but wish you all the best whatever.
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (31 March 2008):
In short, yes they can. However there are other ways aside from a contact centre. Unless he has been a bad father the courts will be very reluctant to restrict his access further than it already is and you will put yourself in a bad light legally.
What I suggest is that you both talk to a mediator (the court may insist on this before making a ruling anyway so you may as well get in first). The sole purpose of this mediator is to identify a way in which his access can be maintained and yet for you to still have as little contact with each other as possible. They will be more familiar with what options might be available in your area.
Sometimes a middle person where you drop off your son and he collects 15 minutes later and when returning him it is reversed, can be identified. It is important that you try to exclude friends and family from this middle ground unless you are confident that neither of you will expect them to take sides. It can place an enormous emotional strain on someone who used to be friends (and maybe still is) with both of you.
It might also be possible to vary his access arrangements (with his consent) so that the amount of access is the same but the times are altered to make handover more easy for you both.
You both need to think of your son. The courts are actually less interested in your rights as mother and his rights as father than in your son's rights as a child. It would be much better for your son if you can reach an agreement and then just ask the court to stamp it to make it an order.
Having been through what you are and in the UK I do understand.
Message me if you think I can help.
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