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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and i have been together now for almost 20 months. When i first met him i was obsessed with him and i still am. I used to make myself be at the same places he was so we could talk but not in a stalker way. LOL. I finally got the chance when we both were on a residential at the same place. I got to know him a lot more and we giggled a lot. After then he started to text me and we arranged to meet up and have a little day out. He had a girlfriend and i had a boyfriend, but i wasnt going to miss out on the chance of a lifetime of spending a little bit of time with him. I was so excited i made sure i looked really nice and we met up. We went and we watched Celtic Vs Rangers and then we went to Mcdonalds. We then walked round all day and it was so fun, we talked about everything, family, friends, hobbies, like, dislikes, etc. I knew him and liked him even more. He kissed my hand as i left and i was gutted he didnt kiss me but it made it more fun. He texted me loads telling me how much fun we had and we had to do it again sometime. He later had a sleep over and we kissed for the very first time. I then split with my boyfriend and he with his girlfriend and we waited a bit for everything to die down and we started going out. I thought that i was in a dream as he is my dream guy. he is so perfect for me. We got engaged the following valentines day, I was so suprised i knew nothing about it and was so amazed and shocked but in his true nature he got the ring 2 sizes too big so we had to wait till we got a new one to announce it. He is in a band and he went on tour to a different country for a week and it was the worse week of my life. I felt like my stomach had been ripped out and i could do nothing about it. I was estatic when he was home and we had a sit off. I was playin on his phone and i read his messages and i saw one in the outbox saying 'your my perfect girl too hope your ok and i love you 2 XxX' i was truly gutted. I waited for everyone to go home and i had it out with him. he promised me it wasnt like that he sent it because she sent it to him and he didnt mean anything by it. He is the type of guy who is genuinly nice and doesnt want to hurt anyone so maybe he did.I left it but i couldnt forget it. A few months after that i checked his emails to see if his uncle had sent him any funny ones like he always does and i say a message from one of mine and his old friends. It said 'sorry i couldnt make our little day out i was sick but we will do it soon' I was even more gutted. I had just got the 1st muck up out of my head and i couldnt believe it but i had it out with him. He said she was just a friend and he loves me he doesnt want anyone else but me.Recently he was meant to a lads from work birthday party. He said he wasnt sure if he was allowed to take me but he didnt ask the boy whos birthday it was. I said 'why dont you want me to go? Everytime i have a night out i always bring you along and you have never not wanted me to go before'. He said 'im worried in case you dont know anyone and you will feel left out'. I am a very confident person and get on with new people flourishingly! He of all people knows this. So i was very confused and today i was cleaning the car and i found a reciept from his shop where he works with a girls number on it. I wondered to myself whether she was just a friend and i would be over reacting or whether she was the reason he didnt want me to go to the party.I have been hurt by men before and he promised he wouldnt hurt me like them but he lied to me instead of trusting me enought to let me know and not be suspicious. I have ranted and raved with him about all this before only i get no joy and he knows my trust issues. Could he be fed up of me and want rid fast so he is doing what he did with his ex girlfriend and testing the waters with someone else to get rid of me at the end or am i being completly over cautious? Im so confused i really don't know what i can do for myself or for him. I have put on wieght since we first got together and i wonder if i hadnt would he still be the same as when we first me?
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reader, becky05 +, writes (6 July 2005):
first of all, your weight has nothing to do with it. Sounds to me like this guy is cheating, youve found a lot of not too innocent evidence to suggest this.If you want to try again, tell him once more that these massages have to STOP! get him to change his number.Personally though, i wouldnt waste any more time with him.
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (20 June 2005):
This is another classic case of a guy wanting his cake & eating it too.He met you when he was in a relationship with another woman & texted you romantic messages.Now he's in a relationship with you but he is texting other women with romantic messages.You caught him RED HANDED but he lies, and you believe him.He won't invite you out with friends because he has a woman waiting for him, but he lies again & says you might feel out of place.You know the TRUTH...stop making excuses for him and move on with your life.You are precious and special...find a man with INTEGRITY who will respect who you are, he will Love & Adore you !Stop wasting your time on a guy you THINK is "nice"He's a smooth operator and will continue to be.You deserve better...DO NOT settle for less.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (19 June 2005):
 I think because you have been hurt before, you are naturally cautious. Unfortunately, you have put all your eggs on one basket and got really involved with someone without allowing yourself the time to properly heal as well as to have fun in your life. You have gone from one man to another without a break; I'm afraid it isn't the way to do things as you haven't had sufficient time to put down your emotional baggage.
You can not trust easily, you do not have enough confidence in yourself and you are thinking about him all the time and not you.
Stop! Take a step back from the relationship. Okay, perhaps he isn't trustworthy or perhaps all this is perfectly innocent.You have anaylsed and analysed why he may be behaving in a certain way and you still don't have the answers. You have had it out with him but it hasn't resolved anything so now its time for you.
I know this is hard but you have done all you can. Looking at his emails only illustrates you don't really trust him. Give yourself and him a break.
Do things just for you and not for him. Go out with your mates, find a new hobby, meet new people and develop your own confidence independent of him. Learn to realise that you like having him in your life but you don't need him to be there.
Do things together as a couple but have your own life and look forward to your own life when you are with him.
Perhaps there is something dubious going on, its hard to tell. Maybe he wanted a bit of space to do what he wanted to do, I don't know but what I do recommend is that you take yourself away from the situation and do things you enjoy. Don't make him the be all and end all of your life.
I'm not suggesting you should love him any less but be kind to yourself. You have rushed into this situation, so now ease off the pressure.
Build up your own life and then if he wants to be part of it, good. Take on board his explanations for the minute and use your own strength and independence to fall back on if need be.
The truth will come out eventually, you don't have to go looking for it.
Good luck in creating a more confident you.
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