A
male
age
30-35,
*obro
writes:I have posted questions previously about how I worry about how my appearance will affect my relationships in the future. Quick reminder - I am nineteen years old, six foot dark hair blue eyes. My close female friends say I'm sweet and kind and lovely. I'm also considerate, compassionate and intelligent. Also, I am a passionate musician and the dedication and passion I put into music is something that I would be willing to put into a relationship with the right young lady.Again, I remind you of the problem. I am (very) overweight. I'm good at hiding how overweight I actually am and being quite tall helps somewhat as well. I am far from bad looking (facial features) for my size. But none of this disguises the fact I am overweight. I have been trying to lose weight quite successfully recently, but the rate has slowed a little lately with poor weather and not being able to go out walking.I'm starting university soon, and I hope that will give me the opportunity to find someone. There is a worry that I will put on weight while in uni, but I found a nice young lady who will help me on the health front, and maybe she can give me relationship advice if needed (I am not interested in her in that way I should mention).Sometimes I do feel that at 19 never having had a relationship is a bit unfortunate. I also have trouble understanding my feelings as on ocassion I have come to believe I am attracted to a close female friend. Also, I have trouble with communicating - I either wait too long and make an effort to give no indication and by the time I do it is too late for various reasons, or I inadvertantly give my intentions away too early.I AM feeling more confident in myself lately. But what more can I do? Also, I am worried that the desire for a relationship is starting to make me start becoming attracted to nearly any girl my age. Any advice on how to help that? I know I can love someone and I would be able to have a great relationship - sex isn't a motivating factor for me I should mention.I just wish I could do more to increase my chances. Any advice appreciated.
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lose weight, overweight, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dobro +, writes (15 September 2008):
dobro is verified as being by the original poster of the question Fellow music lover! Great.
I suppose I am starting to become a bit desperate. I don't mind you saying so at all...experience is key to anything in life I accept that.
Emily - fortunately I am not much of a drinker so that won't be a worry. As for work, it would be good if I could find something, but there seems to be just about no work available where I am going :( I am going to join the gym, and go when possible - my friend I mentioned will make sure of that! Meeting people is hard at times, but my confidence is greater than a couple of years ago.
A
male
reader, kinkydude  +, writes (15 September 2008):
if you got love in your heart, you'll never be alone. you'll find someone, of that, I'm certain. don't stress it brother!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (14 September 2008):
Get on Freecycle.org and find your local site. They have rowing machines and exercise bikes on there fairly regularly.
Just because it's raining doesn't mean you can do crunches etc. I do them in the adverts while watching TV.
Yes you are looking at every girl because your body is crying out for sex, you are 19, that is what your body is designed to do.
Uni is fantastic for meeting girls, so join as many clubs etc as possible when you go. Don't date anyone in your halls though... it never ever lasts 3 years and usually ends badly since you have to live together.
Your size will not be a problem as you will continue to lose weight, (you'll walk everywhere even when it's raining, I used to think nothing of walking 40 mins cross town, which would cripple me now) you'll have to get a part time job (bar work in a club is really really hard work physically) and although you'll drink more and eat more crap, if you keep it in balance and join the usually very cheap gym I am sure you'll be fine.
Girls will not be a problem. Your only problem will be getting out there and meeting people - you just have to go for it!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): Dobro, the only reason I'm responding is because of your name - yea check my profile + you'll know why!!!Kindred spirits!
We've all done the puttin-our-foot-in-it thing with coming on too strong or coming on too late - it just comes with age, experience and - above all - confidence. I really think that this is the crux of the problem. Now, the losing weight thing is good - very good. Stick with it at all costs and don't go back to the burgers or whatever. You're feeling more confident because of that. Also, your feeling a little desperate if you don't mind me saying so, we all go through that and it's not easy to make a good call about a girl because of that. You just gotta go with it and if it's a wrong turn, put it down to experience, learn from it and move on til eventually - WHAMMM!!!! You'll get there eventually man and good luck to ya when you do. Put simply, just don't try too hard, time is on your side.
Best of luck mate.
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