A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A couple of months back I met MY perfect girl, it was an utter freak to find such a match. Her age, rare interests, personality and passions were also mine. We are both known to be extremely thoughtful and nice people, though me being pretty damn shy. Her body, character and especially her laughter shake me to the core. Her world is FASCINATING!We entered into a relationship very quickly, this being my first, unlike her who has been around. It was bad luck nothing was really happening during that time, most of my friends were at uni and my house was a no-go due to practical reasons, so all she was really seeing of me was the exhausted guy who turned up at her parents house to crash out after work. Once and while i'd tag along to one of her friends small awkward gatherings. Things we're obviously stale pretty quickly but such things we're never out in the open. I was optimistic for the future, heh I hadn't hadn't even had the oppertunity to do anything more than introduce her to 3 of my friends! let alone brought her with us for a night out etc and REALLY shown her a good time for once!!! that was a problem, she hadn't really seen the best of me, "stepped into my world" as it were, but I had time.... I was wrong. She broke up with me out of the blue, I knew she was bored. No warning, no discussion, nothing.This being over a month ago, i'm still DEEPLY unhappy and depressed. I have put great effort into trying to find other girls, but none come close to matching her and am overwhelmed with a sense of loss. She seems to be the one for me. I've poured myslef out to her and have been trying again and again to organise events for her to casually come along to generate a spark of affection, but it seems she can never be bothered. The short period we had been together hadn't given her the best impression of me and now i'm having difficulty getting the oppertunity to rectify that. What am I todo?
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broke up, depressed, my ex, period, shy, spark Reply to this Question
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male
reader, thoughtfulone +, writes (16 September 2008):
Hello Anonymous 22/25,
It probably will not help the pain but I am in exactly the same boat. All the replies are right, the pain is absolutely excruciating ..... but the girls are right if she can be like that towards you then it isn't right damn it tough to accept but seriously like an addict has issues stopping there addiction we have to also ... I think I am going to be ok in 3 months ... I can't wait to be free of this pain but the pain means that you have a heart don't get cold and be a heart break we both have a girl waiting out their that will cherish us .. seriously you don't have to be a bad boy and cad ... and thats right never beg never sms no drunken calls be like a soldier be tough go training running boxing challenge yourself do something use your pain to propell you forward ... if like me your are still hurting quite moment like blood in your mouth after a fight savour it that pain is love once you meet the right girl it will be the sweetest feeling and taste ever I can't wait to be free Sept 12th I have till maybe Dec 13th every day is another step stonger buddy peace
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWOW thanks, I didn't expect to get as many answers as I have done!
Ofcourse no one is perfect...
We we're able to talk to eachother about our feelings and whilst we were going through a dull patch of having little or nothing todo, I never pointed it out and expected to be set for the long term. It may very well be that I have been a contributant to the circumstantial dullness and(or) she can be very particular. We have remained friends and seen eachother a few times under those same circumstances which were problematic in the first place.
Yes it seems I may just end up having to ride the storm. There is no consolation in that a girl of such similar interests(among other things ofcourse) aren't to be found everyday.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): Dear Poster
I agree with "Emilyanswers"; You have to accept that she does not want to be with you;
You have to accept that in life that we cannot always have what we want and if she does not want to be with you; you cannot force her; I personally suggest you stop wasting time trying to think about getting her back;
You seem a very SMART and nice guy, I am sure you can do a LOT BETTER.
Please advise me when you have meet the girl that treats you like a "king" with lots of love and respect and who values you for the great PERSON you are.
Wising you lots of happiness and hey, give me a SMILE!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): Dear Poster
You are smitten with this girl; wake up to reality and see her for who she really is.
You are not being fair to yourself and are not being realistic; if she was so wonderful she would still be with you, she would not leave you because she was "bored" or that is what you are suspecting; as you don't really know because she did not even have the courtesy to discuss the matter or issues with you. That does not fit the picture of a very nice or reasonably mature person to me; it rather sounds like a very selfish and immature young lady. She might have good looks and lots of good qualities but, she is lacking some very basic communication skills and was probably just looking around for a good time; if she valued YOU as a person and your qualities she would not leave you for the reason you suspect; unless of course she is very "hollow".
By now you are probably fuming with me; that is okay;
Now stop beating yourself up about this girl;
Take stock of yourself; of you the person, who you are and all your good qualities; make a list of what you want from a girl; then get out there and find somebody that will value you for who you are and not for the entertainment you can offer.
I am sure there are lots of nice girls that will love to get to know you and who will value and appreciate you and with whom you can have a meaningful relationship.
Stop licking your wounds; she is not worth it; MOVE ON, you DESERVE better.
Best wishes and keep SMILING.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 September 2008):
Just read your follow up....
When moderating we quite often phrase the title in a certain way because we know what the answer is going to be.
I think in this case, if she dumped you with out warning, you've rung up and begged, and she's now even avoiding coming and being your friend, the answer is you can't get her back.
So the title is appropriate because what you need is advice on how to move on and stop obsessing over this "perfect" girl.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (14 September 2008):
First you need to take her down from that high pedestal you've put her on.
You say she was perfect, but she wasn't even able to talk to you about problems or feelings. If you'd had a real connection surely she would have been able to talk to you. Now she is making no effort to even stay friends.
Stop seeing her as perfect. No girl is perfect, we all have faults. Take some time and try to stop thinking about her. Think about yourself for a while.
Once you do that then you may allow yourself to start seeing that other girls can be great too.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Petalsweet  +, writes (14 September 2008):
Call leave her a message sayin just that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe title is inappropriate, the emphasis in the question was not how other girls don't seem to compare to my ex, but how can I get back together with my ex!
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