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female
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anonymous
writes: hi,i have an 8 year old daughter,she is a beautiful,kind,loving child but the problem is HER DAD,he will not take her anywhere or give her affection he wont buy her anything and is constantly on her back about something.this has been going on all her life except the first few months.however i asked him to leave in november because he is pretty much the same with both of us.i have tried to talk to his mum 2 c if she could talk to him but she told me that"manly men dont bond with kids"i have talked to him so many times not shouted,to try and find out whats going on in his head but everytime he says "i know im a bad father your right,and your the perfect mum"sarcastically .i may not be the perfect mum, but he obviously knows what hes doing,hes just not interested.she has been wetting the bed now for the last year or so im hoping its not because he has made her a nervous wreck.what would you suggest i do i dont know if i should keep him away from her,but hes her dad she says she loves him but calls him mr mean i dont want her to grow up with this picture of how a dad, partner or person can treat anyone.he never has sole responsibility for her he leaves her with his mum or me.whats going on any ideas xxx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, carebear  +, writes (15 June 2006):
 this is SAD she is only a kid has he laways been like this? could he not even put her to bed everynight and give her a kiss and cuddle if not then this thing does not deserve the name DAD and you need to look out for your girl as this is abuse
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2006): As you said you've tried to talk to him about it numerous times and yet still he won't listen. Also you said he treats you both this way. I know that naturally you want and feel a need to hold you family together especially for your daughters sake. I think you should have a long chat with him again for the last time about everything. Your relationship with him, all the issues with it etc and about his relationship with his daughter. Try to get him to really open up about everything and warn him that this is the last time YOU will be willing to talk openly with him. This will suggest to him that you'll leave him or stop bothering him about it, he can decide. If he sarcastically asks what you mean tell him you'll leave or whatever you will do. MAKE sure he knows you're serious. If he tries to open up and really does try to make an effort to communicate and change his ways,play it by ear and see how it goes. If it works thats great and keep going, if it doesn't don't be afraid to leave him. If he oesn't open up at all to begin with you can decide to leave him or suggest councilling if you think it would be worth it to sort out these problems and if you think he'd go. If you do end the relationship, its not the end of the world, it will be difficult at first especially for your daughter but it would probably be better in the long term. Also after a couple of weeks of separation he could change and try to sort it out. He may not. You will also find out if he does care about his daughter if he asks about her or wants to visit her etc.
Whatever way the situation goes after the 'talk' something important will happen and there will be change. It will be tough but for the best. Also if you break up get as much info as you can about breaking the news to your daughter and helping her through it, keeping her secure and confident and happy. She has a wonderful mam, that loves her so don't feel guilty about doing any of this. Families break up all the time these days, it happens so never feel bad.
Whatever happens, whether you work things out or split up, I wish you and your daughter the very best. The both of you deserve that.
Good luck hun xxx
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A
female
reader, sibaan +, writes (10 June 2006):
 he needs to start treating her better otherwise your going to have a rebelious daughter on your hands who will then look for affection from older guys and then end up pregnant or even worse. try family councelling or family outings where you go with them and try and make an improvment, maybe get her to write him a letter and tell him that she wants a daddy not a mr mean. maybe then he will wake up or ship out.
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