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female
,
anonymous
writes: I know I'm being stupid, but I need the opinion of someone in a relationship that was the one that "broke up" the relationship. I'm keeping my distance from my ex and its really killing me, and I haven't called or been in contact nor has he even bothered, I even wonder if I ever meant anything to him.I came across a letter that my ex wrote me a few months ago saying that he loved me, couldn't wait to be with me, and grow old with, and that soon we'll be in each others arms, and that he promised his life that we'd be together, well now we aren't. coming across this letter made me so angry and so hurt, I felt like sending him a text saying how much I hate him for hurting me, and all the promises.I kept my dignity and didn't say anything, or send anything, instead I swallowed the pain and cried.Should I Have sent something?What can I do when im alone to not ponder on all of this pain and mnemories, I wish I could erase everything and make my heart out of stone.thanks.
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female
reader, ammisbetter +, writes (11 June 2006):
Everyone is so right, keep yourself busy. I had a relationship once that ended and after a month of ignoring each other we started hanging out and having sex and that is all it was. I wanted more and thought I was going to get it. I never did. It caused me so much heartache and pain. It is best to let the time heal you. Like the others are saying keep yourself busy. Hang out with your friends. Go out and meet new men! Time does heal all wounds. Trust me. It sucks now, girl I know the pain. However, you are probably too good for him and deserve better. Don’t get yourself hurt again. Go out and have fun!
A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (10 June 2006):
 Ooops!...sorry, yes i understand what you mean.Well,if it was him that ended it...then my advice still stays the same,if he missed you and wanted to start again...then he would of rang.Heartache is a bit like grief,you lost the person you loved and you wont see them again....the only thing that is different is that he is alive.Keep yourself busy...easy said then done perhaps but the more time you have on your own...sitting there,waiting for a call,will drive you crazy.Time is a great healer.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (10 June 2006):
 I too as David says, had a relationship end and I thought I would never get over it, it hurt like hell and i didnt go out for ages! I was with him for 6 years and really thougt we would be together forever! Wasnt to be so I had to accept it even though it was painful. (took me way to long to get my self in to gear like 2 years!) But later on I met my man that I am with now, and hes totally fab, and I am glad that that previous relationship ended as I wouldnt be as happy or as in love as I am now. I realise there were so many things wrong with the previous relationship, just couldnt see it, it was the first time i was in love and I thought thats how thigns were meant to be, its not until i met my new guy 3 years back now, that i realsie how different life is and how many more positive things there are out there, you learn from your mistakes and move on. My new man is more caring, and loving, but you never think you are going to get that a second time around, but for me its 10 times better!!! You can if you want call him up but it will prolong the agony if he doesnt want to know. Take new steps to cleanse things, if you dont want to throw things away, put them altogether in a box or something out of reach and dont ever look at it again until you have moved on. When you find someone new this will become a distant memory. Take up new challenges and stop wallowing, it makes things worse, your actually tormenting yourself, no one else is doing it, its you thats causing more heartache, i know you are hurting, but to mull it over and over again, doesnt help, it takes longer to accept and you analyse everything, you need to stop all this and make a fresh start. YOU are important, YOU have a life, YOU can make a difference to yourself, YOU are special, YOU can achieve anything you want. This all comes to YOU making your own happiness and not relying on others, discover yourself, its hard but you have to, get out, make new friends, new hobbies. I might sound a little harsh, but self pity didnt get me anywhere, I had to get back out there and fight! I was still alive and took life with both hands ... you have to too!!
Take care
x
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A
male
reader, Helping_is_good +, writes (10 June 2006):
the only thing i can say is, who told you that you couldn't pick up the phone and ask how he was doing? It will be hard, but at least you won't have to guess how he is doing or wether or not he's thinking about you. I'm sure he does.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2006): Thanks Shania for your response, but there seems to be a mix up, my ex boyfriend broke up with me, he ended the relationship, that was the last thing that I ever wanted, when he promised that we'd be together several weeks before, and we planned on settling together and getting married.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (10 June 2006):
Who said that the person who ends the relationship doesn't feel the pain?...of course you are upset.You had your reasons to finish with your boyfriend but it looks like he didn't put up much of a fight.Was it a reaction,that you wanted to have from him?...did you think that he would try to get you back...try to pursue you...just to prove how much he loved you?....but instead he went all quiet.Maybe he is hurting but his male pride wont make him budge?...Or he doesn't care so therefore he isn't contacting you,either way you weren't happy with him.You were right not to chase after him,because my feeling is...if this guy really wanted you back he would of done anything to get you back...but he hasn't.Dont wait for him to call you...keep busy...go out and have fun with your friends,it will take time to heal but you will...i promise.
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A
female
reader, sibaan +, writes (10 June 2006):
 its so hard when someone breaks your heart especially if you have kept things he gave you. i used to keep everything and then if they broke my heart id burn it, but hey thats just me.
you are hurting and in a way you want him to feel the pain but you dont want to feel pathetic. if he still lives in your area then go out with the girls and if you see him show him that your happy. dont let hgim see that your hurting. if he thinksyour happy then he will probably kick himself.
play the bad guy and show your hurt. you need top get all your anger out, try taking an peice of paper and right his name in the middle then start writing down everything that comes to your mind when you see his name, write unti lthere is no space left on the back or front and then stop. breath in and say 'its over but i deserve better'
good luck!
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A
male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (10 June 2006):
 I know exactly how you feel, I suffered the same thing a few years bac and thought I would never be happy.
Now I am engaged to a beautiful girl who I love more than anything, so am quite thankful to my ex for making my life unhappy and forcing me to end the relationship.
I am sure you will meet somebody soon who will love you more than anything, then you can look back and smile when you think about your ex.
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