A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My daughter's dad have been in and out of our lives. We recently went our ways, again. We agree we would start our lives fresh...all over..clean slate. Leave the past in the past. However, he would then he wouldn't. It's like he'll have a reason to come around and then leave. It was our daughter's birthday, last week. He started to come around a week prior. Before that, he'll come around a few months at a time. He'll talk to a female and something goes wrong with that, then he's wanting to come back. I'm getting sick of it. I know he'll be back. Sometimes, I don't know what to do because I want her to know her dad. But not like this.Any advice? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice, again.
I can't let him come in and out of her life. He doesn't even call to see how she's doing. He doesn't call period unless he wants to work things out, again and I'm getting really sick of it.
He expects me to be the person to see if he wants to spend time with her. I am the one that has to do everything.
I've tried and tried with this man but it just isn't working.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (9 December 2007):
 That's a shame. You aren't reponsible for his actions. The mark of an adult is that they take responsibility for their own actions. Even if he has given up any rights to his child, he will always be the child's biological father. Rise above any pettiness and WITHIN REASON, let him be a part of the child's life. Set your own set of rules for him to abide by - in order to be included. You can rise above all of this and, in time, your child will see that you have been a good example and she will be grateful to you for putting her needs first. If you cut him off, she may resent it when she is a teenager (sorry, but they can be a litlle challenging then...). Best of luck Dear!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice. Her dad gave up his rights and blaming me for his actions of doing so. I'm just sick of it.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (9 December 2007):
I think that you have gotten into a pattern, he knows that he can do what he likes and get away with it and that you will forgive him and take him back, just to have him do it all over again. People will only get away with what you let them get away with. You can't be a doormat unless you make yourself into one.
It's should be obvious by now that he doesn't want a permanent relationship. Stop trying to reconcile. You'll have to find a way for him to have visitations with your child, but treat him as the child's father, not as an on-again-off-again boyfriend. Dump him once and for all. You deserve to be treated better, to have a good relationship, and to move forward in your life, instead of just spinning your wheels.
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