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female
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anonymous
writes: My daughter has been seeing her boyfriend for just over a year. My husband and I love him. Recently they had a bump in their relationship, but seemed to have gotten over it. While my daughter was hurting, I was there to listen to her, trying to be careful not to judge anyone. They got back together, but he knows she has talked to me about things, and he thinks I don't like him. nothing could be farther from the truth. He is a good person and has been very good to my daughter. Lately when he's come over I have distanced myself, but it's to give them privacy, NOT because I don't like him. He got upset when he found out she told me what he thought. We need to communicate or this misunderstanding is going to cost them a good relationship. How can I make him understand I do like him?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): Hi,
The easiest question in the world. And the anwser is...
Just tell him.
Creating a distance between you and him will have a negative effect. He will think: "see.... he/she is avoiding me".
Create a situation (place, restaurant, home, or something like that) where both you and he will be comfortable with. That makes it easier to express ones feelings.
Good luck!
someguy - Netherlands
PS:
Think about it. He's upset that your daughter told you some things. Why did he get upset? Maybe he is ashamed of these things. Maybe he thinks you like him less because of it? Or maybe it's because he tought these things would remain something between him and your daughter.
Hey but your daughter told you these things for a reason did she? She needed to get it out of her system. At that moment you where the closest person in her life to share these things/feelings with. He "knows/should know" that.
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (24 October 2006):
 Hi Anon,
Because this is a delicate situation and you don't want to make her boyfriend feel uncomfortable, I think childof1981 has a great idea. Remember, most times actions speak louder than words. I think this is one of those times. Something like this won't make either of you feel awkward, and it might help you both get to know one another a little better. Plus it will be fun!
Take care.
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A
male
reader, childof1981 +, writes (24 October 2006):
 A lot of people might advocate talking to the boyfriend about this. Depending on the guy I am not sure that would work well.
I would recommend doing some kind of loving surprise for your daugher, and including the boyfriend in the planning. Plan a night out for her and ask the boyfriend what he thinks her favorite resturant is, or what she might like to do?
This will tell him that you value his opinion, that you trust him enough to know what your daughter likes, and like him enough to invite him to a special occasion.
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A
female
reader, Jennie Wilson +, writes (24 October 2006):
Hi I think the best thing you can do is to ask him if you can have a talk with him. Explain that you have no problem with him and that you and your husband like him very much. Explain that your daughter confided in you because you are her mother and she needed some advise. I think as long as you are open and honest with him there should be no problem. Why not suggest he comes over for dinner with all of you and make an effort to make him feel welcome. As long as you try your best then as least you can say you have made an effort to make him feel welcome in your home. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, davie  +, writes (24 October 2006):
Perhaps just tell him! Explain your distance and stress the point it isn't that you don't like him.
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