A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid and everyone here, I have a daughter who has just reached 15 years old last month. She has just admitted to me that she and her boy friend have already had sex. I was terribly shocked and very very afraid and worried that maybe she could get pregnant. Her last period was the first of december and its now january 5 and she didn't has not started yet. I'm very worried about it. I really don't know what to do. She is still too young to have a baby and I still want her to finish school. Can drinking gin or any hard alcohol help her to let her period come? please help. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you so much...
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): Of course you're upset.. but I've been through this myself. Don't stress out. Take time to cool off and accept things as they come. It's still too soon to tell if shes PREGNANT! every girl i've known who has sex later thinks they're pregnant and it's just a scare.. have occassional talks with her and find the best possible way to convince her of abstience ..if not .. there's always protection.
A
female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need  +, writes (5 January 2008):
 You might just be being paranoid, ask her if she used protection... if she hasn't then take her to the pharmacy for a pregnancy test. Try not to worry too much, Okay? xx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): Even a 15-year-old knows that sex causes pregnancy. Why is there no birth control in this picture?
Plenty of adults do exactly the same thing but that's beside the point. It's just as stupid either way.
Maybe she's being irresponsible and not bothering to have safe sex. Or maybe she's letting a BF's annoyance with condoms dictate her decisions for her. Or maybe she just secretly "doesn't mind" getting pregnant enough (and she will eventually end up pregnant if this is the case).
But like everyone says, don't tear into her for being honest with you. What's done is done. And she is already old enough that you're not gonna stop her from doing anything in this area.
I'm not saying that you have to approve of her having sex or offer her any convenient chances to continue with it. Far from it. Tell her that you strongly disapprove of it since this is how you feel.
But also remember that she has told you the truth. This is your chance to keep the door open and show her that she stands to gain from doing that. Once she knows your opinion on the issue, you're not helping anything by beating it into her head again every time you have a coversation with her. She heard you the first time. It may take you a while to deal with this, but there will still be much more going on in her life than this during the next few years. Try not to remain too preoccupied with her sexual activity once the basic issues that it raises have been dealt with. She's started to have sex and there's no going back.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): Hi, I would reccommend you get her on the depo provera injection - and quick! it is impossible to get pregnant and only needs to be taken once every 3 months. you should remind her that it does not protect against STDS only pregnancy.
I'm sorry to hear that she is having sex so young - although it's her choice, it can be hard to make a good choice in partner at that age (although not impossible, so don't feel too sad please) .and it's also nice that she told you, she obviously trusts you and doesnt feel the need to lie to you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): I was 15 when I lost my virginity. I'm not saying its right but I was 10 years old when my periods started and my hormones were raging by that age. You need a reality check here - its quite 'normal' for this to have happened and it is important that you deal with your daughter with the greatest respect. Giving her alcohol is a crazy idea - but she needs to be sufficiently worried herself to understand the importance of being a lot more responsible. I hope she is not pregnant and that you have a chance to sort this out in a woman to woman way not an angry parent to child way. She is clearly no longer a child.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): I agree that introducing strong alcohol into her system would do no good and would most likely be harmful to both her and the child, if there is one. Depending on when her more recent encounters took place in her cycle, she may not yet be pregnant and you know that. It rarely takes place except during or near ovulation.
Welcome to the world of parenting a teenager these days. That may sound harsh, but I mean well for all. I've been there and it is reality. Accept what has occurred, because nothing can change the past, The most important thing she needs now, whether she is expecting or not, will be your love and understanding.
Be strong for your own good as well, and still hope that she may have escaped this time without pregnancy. It's still a little early, perhaps, but try to learn to accept reality. Your daughter will need understanding and support despite how inappropriate her actions of the past. Best wishes.
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female
reader, kate007  +, writes (5 January 2008):
Firstly, it seems your daughter has alot of respect for you as she had the courage and honesty to tell you of her actions. Therefore treating your daughter with the same respect would be admirable.
Acohol is both illegal and dangerous for your daughter whether she is pregnant or not. You could both go to see your doctor to have a test or, if you prefer anominity, there are many free advice lines to discuss your daughters options if she is pregnant and contraception if she isn't.
You may damage you obviously close relationship by trying to force your daughter into a desicion.
Although as parents we think we know best for our children and will always try to protect them, at the end of the day they have the last say on major choices in their lives. All we can do is be there for them and guide them as much as possibe.
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female
reader, sexylover0017 +, writes (5 January 2008):
Give it a few more days and then give her a pregnancy test. My period comes late every now and then. I suggest you do talk to her and let her know the consequences of having sex at such a young age. Dont try and stop her from having sex by yelling or 'locking her in her room' she'll just be rebelious. The fact that she even told you is awesome! I suggest you put her on birth control and then try to make her realize what she's doing and pray she realizes. Now and days girls are having sex younger and younger- its kind of scary. Also I suggest if she is pregnant you both sit and talk about what you guys should do as a family. I know a lot of people are anti abortion until their in the situation. My mom always told me that if I got pregnant, straight to the clinic we go. She is very very young and having a baby at such a young age is very serious. Will this guy be around- I would say probably not. I dont know. Theres a lot to think about. Im just speaking from my experineces with my mother and what I would do if I were in this situation. Either way I wish you luck. Pregnancy test is probably 1st thing 1st.
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male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (5 January 2008):
 No do not give her alcohol, that will only compound the problem! And if she is pregnant it could ultimately harm the baby.
If she is already pregnant her period will not come for another nine months.
In that case you will need to prepare for the baby and give your daughter whatever support she is going to need.
Another thing is that you need to sit her down and talk to her about how irresponsible it is to have sex at her age.
She obviously has no idea that she can end up throwing away her childhood, something she will never be able to get back. She will always be able to look forward to sex but her childhood only lasts a few short years. Why waste it. She should be out being a kid.
Do not yell at her or scold her for her actions but sit her down and reason with her about it and let her know how much you love and care about her and let her know that she can come to you for advice without worry of reprisal.
In either case, if she is pregnant or not she will need to know that she can come to you any time for any reason.
That way if she is not pregnant you can possibly keep this from happening again too soon. I hope this helps. Doc
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male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (5 January 2008):
 If she's pregnant, no amount of alcohol is going to change that. Don't even go down that road.
She needs to get a pregnancy test. If she's pregnant, you have to weigh the alternatives. If she's not, you need to talk to her about REAL birth control.
If she's going to have sex, she needs to be informed about the consequences. Sit her down and talk to her. Not as a parent, but as a friend who is looking out for her best interest. Don't preach. Just let her know that you love her and that you want her to know what can happen. Hopefully, she'll wise up and decide to change her behavior.
Good luck.
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female
reader, sxcarshalz  +, writes (5 January 2008):
As a mother of course you would be very worried and concerned the question is did she use protection? if she didnt i suggest you take her to the docters and get a pregnancy test its the only way to find out. Also even if she tells you shes not having sex anymore make sure you put her on the contraceptive pill just in case she does. Also find out if her periods are often late, i had a friend who lost her virginty and didnt get her periods for months but she wasnt pregnant. Having a late period can also be caused by stress but in the end you need to take her to the docters to find out for sure.
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