| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Recently I found out that my 15-year-old daughter is is dating a 46-year-old man.She's not planning to marry him or anything; just dating him.However, the 31-year age gap makes me shiver; I fear that this guy is up to no good.How do I broach the subject with her??A N Other Concerned Parent.
View related questions:
older man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): While I am completely understanding of an age gap relationship, the idea that your daughter is only 15 is a bit disturbing. Of course, if she is mature and intelligent and you feel this man treats her well and she is happy, let it go. But I would have a talk with them both, remain neutral, and make up your mind AFTER you've had some time to get to know him and the level of their relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): most people think that if an older man is interested in a younger girl it's because he's a pervert, a sick person. i think that is completly wrong. my boyfriend is 59, and i'm 17, and we love each other so much. but i understand those people who say its crazy but only because they must have never been involved in a relationship like that. i have sex with my boyfriend but i also talk to him and share alot of stuff like as if he were my age. for us age is not important, the important thing is that we love each other and we know that most of the people will never really understand us and find us crazy, but only because they ignore what it is like to be involved in something like this.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2006): To be honest a 15 year old girl & 45 year old man = WRONG WRONG WRONG!!
In the first place why isn't he dating a woman of his own age! Whats wrong with him that he's goin for underage schools kids? I mean (if he has kids) they could be the same age or even older than your daughter!!
Try and find out as much as you can about him before going to your daughter. I mean he could be a child molester or anything!!
No I would put a stop to that wrong now! I mean he's 3 times her age!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2006): What do all of you think of a 29 year old man wanting to date your barely 18 year old daughter? I wish she was 17 so I could do everything you people have suggested. But when they turn 18, what can/should you do?
...............................
A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (5 September 2006):
 I met my fiancee when she was 15, I was 28.
She is now almost 17 and I am nearly 30.
We are engaged now and I love her more than anything. WE remained as friends until she was 16, so I respected her age. Her age is unimportant now, that was not the reason for the attraction. I would love her if she was 100 years old and was bright purple.
...............................
A
female
reader, Green_Eyez +, writes (4 September 2006):
I'm not suprised you're concerned. What kind of 46-year old man dates a 15 year old. If it were my daughter I'd be on the phone to the police. Seriously.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2006): he is a child molester! plain and simple a child molester! you need to keep her away from him before she comes out pregnant with his child. you dont want a baby raising a baby now do you? she's just a baby. you dont want a little innocent baby brought into to this ungrateful and sad situation! call law enforcement and have put in jail! take care of this before it turns into a much bigger problem. he could kidnapp her, get her pregnant, anything! take care of her and protect her from such scumbag!
...............................
A
female
reader, twinkle +, writes (7 May 2006):
 go to the police!! if you talk to your daughter she will tell you everything is fine but thats just him sucking her in, this is not right!! ive been through this with a friend but you need to be strong before somthing happends to your daughter!!! good luck, x
...............................
A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (29 April 2006):
 Call the radio station ask for the boss of the radio station ask for the spelling of his name.
Then call the local lwa enforcement give his name and any info from emails and your daughter's text msg on her phone. You have confiscated her phone and computer and everything else by now?
If you get the waves of hate from her after this just remember how much you love her.
...............................
A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (29 April 2006):
 And may I just add, its not the age gap as such i.e. I am 23 and I have no problem being with a man in his forties, as I am a grown adult and not a teen, but the issue here is the transition of the age gap i.e. a mere teenage GIRL to a full grown adult, who is the perfect age for being her father. If your daughter was 20 and he was 46, that would not be a problem as such because she would be an adult, perhaps more emotionally mature and physically matured, but at the moment, this man is absolute trouble and needs to stay away from children. xXx
...............................
A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (28 April 2006):
I agree, who cares that she is not your biological daughter. You are with her father so in effect you are her "mother" well you are the one who is the mother figure in her life. What is your husband doing about this mess? Is he still in the picture, is he a man or a boy. His daughter is out of control, he needs to set her in place. Who gives a monkies that he works on some radio station, the fact is he is WAY TOO OLD for a 15 year old GIRL. Yes GIRL. She isnt even a woman yet, she is an infidel,a CHILD a BABY. Woman, sort this mess out, I said it before, and I am saying it now, SORT it, the man needs locking up. xXx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2006): How does that matter??? Whether she is your biological daughter or not... I'd do something about this if it was my neighbor! Why don't you speak to your husband about his?
See, you have a lot you can do. She is 15 for Pete's sake! And she needs to be told what is right and what is not. Don't you think?
If this guy is a biggie, then he has all the more reason to be in his limits. I'm surprised a person as big as him would resolve to such crap. Talk to him and tell him you are going to the police about this. He will back off because he has a reputation to live up to. Tell your stupid daughter that this behavior of hers is not acceptable. Threaten her. How can you let a 15 year old girl live like this? And she is your daughter!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2006): She's not my biological daughter, she's my husband's one from another relationship.A N Other Concerned Parent
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2006): I found out that he's the boss of a radio station, how would I tell the radio station about it without causing a scandal??A N Other Concerned Parent.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2006): stop it at once. It's wrong. hes a perve and you could go to the police about him if you really are worried about your daughter. Talk to her first before you do anything, she may be stuck in the relationship with him.
...............................
A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (27 April 2006):
SAY WHAT? Your daughter is FIFTEEN and this pervert is old enough to be her grandfather. Nowadays 15 is the average age to start having your SECOND child. I am sorry I never usually get this heated, but this is WRONG. Are you not a parent, why on earth are you asking how do you broach the subject. Is she the mother and you the child, sit her 15 year old butt down and tell her over your dead body and ashes will she date a man that age. How dare a man of 46 engage in a relationship with a mere CHILD. Be a parent and tell he this is WRONG and it MUST STOP. She needs to be told, but if you are so afraid of a 15 year old, is it any wonder she is off the rails dating a pervert, sort it and FAST. xXx
...............................
A
female
reader, ask phoebe +, writes (27 April 2006):
 You're the adult here- tell her you don't want her seeing someone 31 years older than her he's old enough to be her dad and is probably up to no good.
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (27 April 2006):
 I am in an age-gap marriage of 11 years (he is younger). However, we are both adults in the eyes of the law, and both mature enough to have a significant amount in common. There is no reason to worry about him being 31 years her senior...there is a LOT to worry about him being an adult and her being a child (even though she probably would hate anyone saying that). This man must have a lot of issues to find a 15 year old girl attractive and you have every right to worry - it is a child protection issue, the police would be interested and maybe he has a dodgy past. As a parent, you have a legal and moral duty to protect your child so seek help from your local social services; they may be able to scare him away if he has a past.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 April 2006):
 Call the olcal lwa enforcement and have the guy thrown in the slammer. He's a pedophile.
...............................
A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (27 April 2006):
 You dont broach the subject with her, she is 15. You tell her!! You ground her, stop her phone and keep her indoors. Then you get a grip of this dirty pervert and you warn him off. Get some guts and look out for your kid!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): It's a real-world relationship, not an online one, which is even more worrying for me.All I know is that this man is the programme director of a local radio station here in South West England.A N Other Concerned Parent.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jadzia1127 +, writes (27 April 2006):
You are the parent, your job is to protect your child. You need to remove her from the situation ASAP. It is best if she feels like it is her idea. If that doesn't work then you're the parent, ground her, bar her windows, take her cellphone away, take away her computer, take away her car, call her school let them know what is going on so he can't come on the grounds, you pick her up and drop her off from every approved activity, monitor every action. Or even send her to a trusted adult out of state. This is your daughter's future, life, and sanity your trying to save. It is time to be over-protective.
Violate your daughters privacy and print out all emails from him. Your daughter's privacy is a privilege not a right, and at this moment it needs to be violated. File and use as evidence for police.
Go to the your local police and let them know that this 46yr man is seducing your 15yr daughter. They might shed some light on his character, such as your daughter is not the first. He also might be a registered sex offender. You might be allowed to file a retraining order against him depending on the laws in your area. Also get a criminal background check on him for free here http://www.sexoffender.com/vcinorder.html
Talk to your daughter calmly, listen to what she says. Ask where she thinks this is going tell her how much it hurts you, lovingly direct her to the truth. If you got any info from your research share it with her. If she is insists on being with this man, then do everything you can to get her away from the situation. Hopefully she will wise up and figure out he is not worth the trouble.
...............................
|
