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female
,
*rkney girl
writes: I'm involved with a man that has 2 of us on the go! He is 36 I am 40 the other woman is 58, yes 58! He met me 4 months ago 5 weeks after his 9 year relationship with her ended,she ended it. Everything between him and I was totally fine untill she decided she wanted him back because and I quote "where am I going to get someone his age to be with me" He doesn't love her,that everyone knows for sure, but he wont leave her, why? I made the decision to walk away from this fiasco 2 and a bit weeks ago. He turned up 5 days ago a bit drunk and appologetic for the way he had been. I find out that he lost his job because of drinking and just not turning up etc. (the week after I ended all contact with him)i know this as fact coz I know his boss. He's drinking alot and when pi##ed thinks I'm the bees knees but he's still with her and wont explain why he's with her to anyone although we all know he doesn't love her. No one understands his relationship with her not even his Mother who is only 2 years older than her.question: am I been manipulated and just need to steer well clear or is he using her to hide behind?
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female
reader, orkney girl +, writes (28 April 2006):
orkney girl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter reading other questions on this site I realised what a weakly little wanker he is, it culminated in a telephone call he made to me yesterday telling me he'd done all the hoovering and dusting and changed the bed linnen at this older womans house ready for when she came home. For the first time in god knows how long I was speachless-total silence for 30 seconds- I hung up then spent the next 2 hours laughing so much I was crying. He either is as thick as pig shit, the most insensitive muppet known to woman kind or had this uncontrolable desire to eat hospital food for a week!! Needless to say we aint seeing eachother again.
Don't get me wrong, yes I still love him but bugger me that really is taking the piss! The expression flogging a dead horse comes to mind so I'm sure I'll get over him, although after that 'phone call I don't think it's the poor horse that needs flogging!! Thanks to all that replied
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (27 April 2006):
 You ahve a bit of an issue with her age. Are you another of this youth obsessed society we live in. Fancying someone sometimes goes deeper than the wrinkles on the surface you know!! Look at how you disparage the relationship so ofetn in your letter, going on and on about her age and other peoples opinions-like they matter!
He is probably with her still (on and off at least) because he still ahs feelings for her, or unfinished business to resolve. I suggest he will riccochet between the pair of you for as long as YOU let him. If I were you I would get out, but I am not you I can only offer advice.
xx
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A
female
reader, Ghoul13 +, writes (27 April 2006):
Well it sounds like he likes a bit of a drink...Maybe you should discuss things with him when he's completely sober, so things can get sorted out properly. But perhaps he is staying with this older woman, because he doesn't wish to hurt her.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (27 April 2006):
 Good grief...talk about having your cake and eating it; he has nothing to lose from having the two women on the go at once, but you have pride and dignity to lose so run away from this one. Why put up with a man treating you badly? No one knows how his relationship with the other woman is but you could be hanging on for years trying to figure it all out. As a grown man he is making his own choices, and he only seems to show you attention when he is drunk and vulnerable - don't be angry with the other woman, be angry with him for not having the back bone to make a decision and stick to it.
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