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female
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anonymous
writes: I am female + 20 years old and I have "dated" guys since I was about 16.My question is, how do I stop being used by guys? This makes me sound like a slut, but I am not. I was a virgin until I was 18, met a guy I fell in love with (let's call him Mike). We became lovers, boyfriend and girlfriend and best friends and I adored him. After8months I lost my virginity to him. A week or so after that he stopped calling me and dumped me. I was devestated. For the next few years, we went through a cycle of getting back together and breaking up. I feel destroyed.The guys I had dated before that used me, and the guys since have tried ( Ive refused to sleep with anyone again, until I feel it's a real relationship).I cry myself to sleep everynight, a) because I miss Mike and the companionship b) every guy I meet seems the same. I've lost my virginity, my pride and worst of all one of the closest friends I have ever made. I have other friends, but Mike was the only one I felt connected with...it was like we had our little world that no one else quite understood. Mike is seeing someone else, but says he still wants to be friends with me. He says I am his best friend, but he just doesnt love me anymore. Personally I think he just used me for sex.I am a wreck, please help me. Most of my friends have boyfriends who love them and respect them. How do I get boys not to use me and humiliate me. And should I stop hating Mike for what he has done to me and stay in contact with him - its gotten to the stage where I blank him in public, refuse his phonecalls etc. My world has fallen apart. PLease help me, any advice much appreciated
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2006): Hi there!Your story rings such a loud bell with my experience. Instead of re-telling it here have a look at www.datingadvice.com.au - I've found sharing stories (when no-one can interrupt you or tell you to "get over it") really helps.Stay strong :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess so..it's just the amount of stuff that Mike did to me during the course of our relationship that is putting me off - he saw other girls, he put me down, he picked fights with my friends etc. But other times he could be so nice. My instincts say to leave this boy well alone, because he's dangerous to my emotional well-being, but I feel under pressure from everyone to be friends with him, just because they are friends with their exes.I found out that he was sleeping with someone else when we broke up, and he told me afterwards he was too scared to tell me that for fear of upsetting me.....I just feel that although he is the person who knows me best, he doesnt deserve any form of acknowledgement from me because he lied to me.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (27 April 2006):
 Sorry you have been hurt like this, but it happens to the best of us. Don't be friends with him because you need a break from this guy to get over what has happened. Unfortunately many young men want to 'hit and run' in their teens and 20's but not all men - some are really decent people. You may have a bleak outlook but you should remember that just because your mates have boyfriends, it is OK to be single...wait for someone nice to come along who DESERVES you. You are just becoming an adult and you will date lots of men (probably) over your lifetime. The way to not be used by men is to be strong and to love yourself enough not to need other people so much that you let them do anything to you just as long as they stay. You were strong enough to hold onto your virginity until 18, so you will be strong enough to stand up for yourself in the future and learn from Mike the rat. I really hope you meet someone nice out there.
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A
female
reader, miechar +, writes (27 April 2006):
 hey girl, i know what that feels believe it or not and it takes you to take a stand and believe you are worth everything any guy can never bring you down. i personally think you should stop hating Mike show him you are worth more than he ever thought. Be friends with him, ask him about his girlfriends. Talking from experience i know how it feels to feel unloved just used i'm 19yrs old in december but my whole high school life i dated guys coz i thought i needed them to fulfil me to make me happy by the age of 17 i was frustrated with my life would cry myself to sleep, tell my sister and friends off whenever she tried helping me just coz i said to myself she was prettier than me and all guys adored them and loved them but,well one day i woke up and told myself ay girl cry a river build a bridge and cross over it coz none of these guys was worth your time amazingly enough i found a guy who loves me for me and has asked me to marry him unfortunately we are now in a long distance relationship as i am now based in belgium but for me it was worth it coz the guys i dated now want me back....i hope this helps but i honestly think you should be friends with Mike
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