A
female
age
30-35,
*hisp
writes:gee...well i've never actually used one of these before. um...hiya, im 17 and i went out with this guy for 2 years who i've recently broken up with. and he was great, y'know? and i'm pretty sure i loved him but the thing is i got terrified of how close i was getting to him, and i got scared of hurting him or getting hurt so i know it sounds kinda silly but i wimped out and broke up.here's the thing, i've got issues with letting anyone get close to me because, well my dad used to hurt me, uhm, once i even had to have an operation to fix my wrist after i cracked when i tried to block him and now whenever anyone gets close to me i spend my time wondering when everything's going to go bad and because's he was such a great guy i wanted him to have a chance at something better, someone who could just appreciate what he had.anyway i'm going out with someone else now, and i really like them but my old boyfriend and i still really obviously have feelings for eachother and i'm wondering if i just threw away a chance at happiness because of fear. and whether i'll just do that again if i get close to my new boyfriend.sorry, i rambled a bit, the question is how do i stop my past destroying my future? and should i get back with my old boyfriend? thankyou for reading
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female
reader, starfairy +, writes (2 January 2008):
 I don't think they have to know...You can speak to your doctor in confidence, or even call Childline in total confidence...See what options you have regarding counselling.
If it's seriously messed up your head, chances are it won't just go away. It's not fair to not want to help yourself simply because you don't want your Mom feeling guilty, because I'll bet she feels guilty as hell over what your Dad did to you, and you would have to be deaf dumb and blind not to see how much that kind of abuse damages someone.
A
female
reader, Whisp +, writes (2 January 2008):
Whisp is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou very much for your responses =) they mean a lot to me. the only problem is that i don't want to go for councelling because i don't want my parents to know how much it's affected me. i know that sounds odd but i don't want to worry my mum or make them think that i can't cope with it
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A
female
reader, mama2three  +, writes (31 December 2007):
 The vicious cycle of abuse rears it's ugly head :(
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. My dad was abusive (verbally and emotionally, but never physically) and I have a *very* hard time carrying on ANY relationships with men. I feel bad for my poor husband!
Anyway, I think you should seek some counseling, it helps. When growing up, your dad is supposed to treat you like a princess, he's the knight in shining armor, and when that doesn't happen, it can really have an affect on a girl. A lot of the time, children who have been abused often have the thought process of "well, he was my DAD, and if he did that to me, that's all I must be worth" or like you said, they constantly worry about when their trust will be betrayed again.
Definitely seek counseling, it will help you learn to trust again.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (31 December 2007):
I think counselling would help you get your mind back on the right track. Speak to your doctor, see who he can refer you to, what your options are. Maybe even somewhere like Childline.
Your parents/family are supposed to be the closest people to you in the world, they're supposed to be the ones you can trust. But your Dad breaking your trust, he has broken your trust in everyone else.
You feel that if you get close to someone, like you were close to your Dad, they will hurt you too, whether emotionally or physically. Because your Dad hurt you physically, but he probably didn't realise he was scarring you emotionally too.
If you truly feel you have a future with your ex, talk to him. Explain how you feel, and why you act the way you do. If you let him in that little bit, you are taking the first step to ensure all your future relationships don't end up messed up.
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