A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been having some problems with my boyfriend lately. we've been together for quite a while now. He's been trying to make up what he did to me, and we've been seeing each other and trying to get our relationship back to normal. Just yesterday we were in bed going to take a nap and maybe have sexual contact. Before we did anything, I lay down and I pulled a clump of hair from the pillow. It was NOT my hair. I have brown straight hair, this hair was long black and curly. I asked my boyfriend what it was. He seemed nervous and he said I dont know. Maybe it's my cousins hair they were here the other day. I said they were in your room and in your bed? And it just so happened a clump of their hair fell out? Not once did he say I didnt cheat on you or anything of that kind. He said sorry. Thats about it. He lied to me twice about a month ago about talking to a girl. I broke up with him, and were back together. Now this happened. I emailed him saying I deserve to know the truth. I know he wont tell me the truth he says he cant lose me. But I dont want to sit here while the man I love is making love to me and having sex with some other girl. WTF!! Someone help me. What's a way for him to tell me the truth or to find out what's going on. I dont want to make a false accusation, but it's fishy don't you think??
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broke up, cousin, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): Yes it sounds fishy. Ask him face to face whether he did cheat on you and if so, why?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): He won't let you leave him?
Has he got you chained to the kitchen sink or something?
Just do it.
Phil
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso the situation isn't any better. Last night for new years we hung out and after we were drinking and later on in the evening I found two strawberry condoms in the sink. They were still in wrappin. but I said what is this? he said I put them there because I waa trying to break us up. I didn't put them there. then he said they were his sisters I checked with his sister it wasn't her. he says it wasn't him and he didn't do anything. how the hell am I supposed to believe that? but he's telling me all these things he loves me and he wouldn't cheat on me because he's happy blah blah blah. I just keep saying to myself did they magically appear?? I don't know what to do or how? My boyfriend is very hard to deal with so if I say I'm gonna leave him he won't believe me and its kind of like he won't let me. HELP!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): Go with the gut instinct. Just reading your post I would say he has cheated. My married friend was sweeping the kitchen floor (as she did daily because she has 3 children) and she swept up a long dark hair. My friend is blonde. She held it up at her husband and he admitted it then and there - he had invited a woman back to their house when she was out. Keep the hair and pursue it - and also start checking everything else. If he has cheated I hope you get the proof and I hope you leave him because what he is doing (pulling wool over your eyes) is humiliating.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): Starfairy is just about right. Trust your instincts. Unless he's got a Blue Roan Cocker Spaniel in need of grooming that jumps onto his pillows, there's little doubt about what he's been up to.
If he chooses not to tell you what's been going on you won't be able to make him tell you the truth. In any case, there's not much point in trying to extract a confession because you already have a prety good idea of what the truth is.
I suppose you could ask his cousin if he or she has left a clump of hair in his bed but if there's some collusion between them there's little point in going down that route either.
Why would he say 'sorry' if there's nothing to be sorry about?
Time to get rid of him I reckon - unless you're willing to share him with someone else!
Phil
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A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (31 December 2007):
 Female intuition and gut instinct rarely turns out to be wrong.
You're right, it does sound very fishy.
Unfortunately, without a confession from him or some concrete evidence, there's not much you can do.
But he's rocked your trust in him, and trust is the hardest thing to build back up.
I would go with your instincts.
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