A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago I found out that my husband was having an affair. I was devastated, as is natural. He decided however that he was going to break it off with her and make it work with me and our son. About a month ago (2 or 3 months after they had broken up) I discovered that they were back together, confronted him, he confessed and swore that it was a temporary thing due to certain circumstances in her life. Anyway, it turns out that she manupulated him back into her life so that she could have a go at getting pregnant. By lying about being on the pill, she suceeded and apparently was not going to tell him as it was not an attempt to get him away from me. She has admited to lying to him and tricking him. He now is in an awful situation because he feels that even though the child was not his choice, not even an accident, he needs to be a father to it. I have told him that I will support his decision and do what I can. He however still has not broken up with her, he feels he cannot do this until they can settle amicably about support and visitation (she doesn't want the baby to not know me at all). In the mean time I am sitting here trying to be patient I don't know how long I need to give him. My heart tells me that it will be okay and that there is no need to upset our 11 year old son by kicking his daddy out. I am so lost and alone and don't know what to do. How many times can I forgive him? Is there hope for us? Any insight, please?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): i was 11 when my parents split up and the worst part of it was the argueing before the break up as they wanted to stay together for me. i was relived when they broke up as my mother was happy. 1/3 marriages split up and it is comman and i have found it made me a stronger person. You are still young and have plently of time to find somebody who treats you with respect!
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (31 December 2007):
 Well, first I would insist on a DNA test just to make sure the child is his.
Next, I do not understand why your husband is still seeing her, and asking for visitation rights to a child that has yet to be proven is his.
You need to get proof that she planned a child he did not want, (a letter, confession on video, something tangible). Depending on how the law works where you live, he might be able to protect your family by suing for fraud and entrapment.
I think YOU need to see a lawyer and make sure that you and your son will be safe from her. Find out how to set up your finances to make sure that even if she can bankrupt him, she can not attack you or your son. You may have to leave him to ensure this.
Please, just make sure that you remain secure in all this, no matter what stupid decision your husband makes. He can not be trusted to watch over the best interest of your son.
-Frank B Kermit
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