A
female
age
30-35,
*aurac
writes:I'm 17 years old and very close to my dad, Hes been a single father since I was 3 and has made it a point to be close to my brother and I. I am a complete daddy's girl and do no wrong in his eyes. Until now!!!I have been dating my bf for almost 8 months now (he is 19) and we are sexually active. I'm not on birth control because it seems to weird to talk to my dad about it so my bf pulls out. A few hours ago we were having sex in my room ( my dad usually works late on Wednesdays) we had the music on and didn't hear him come home. MY bf was about to *** so he pulled out and when my dad walks in he sees both of us naked me on my knees in front of my bf mouth open ready for him to ***. Just as my dad walks in the room he hears my bf say " taste my *** you little slut" and literally sees my guy fire all over my face. he walked out slammed the door and started yelling at us. my bf got dressed and went out my window and I don't know what to do now? Do i talk to my dad? How will my bf react ??? I need parents , bf.s and i guess everyones view! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, mr41 +, writes (15 March 2009):
 i would just talk to your dad and let him know that you do have sex now and then let him know that you were too shy to ask for the pill
A
female
reader, laurac +, writes (15 March 2009):
laurac is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell my dad and I finally talked and after alot of yelling and tears we actually had a nice talk and he doesnt hate me :) Thanks you all for the advice. And yes I made an appointment with my doctor for birth control . I wont be that stupid again!
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A
female
reader, laurac +, writes (12 March 2009):
laurac is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree that wat my dad saw was worse then jsut walking in on your daughter having sex. Thats what worries me the most. I dont want him to think less of me for it or think less of my bf. MY bf is a very respectful guy that wouldnt do or saying anything that I wasnt 100% comfortable with. For some reason even I dont know why but we both enjoying dirty talk during sex. HE oftens says comments like the one my dad heard but only becaus Im ok with it. My bf and I talked last night and we both agree that we need to give my dad his space. But my bf wants to apologize to him and eplain that he does love and respect me. As for condoms and birth control, we are aware that the pulling out isnt 100% effective and yes that is very inmature on our part but I always thought it was to weird talking to w my dad about birth control. But after school today we are both going to the clinic. We did use condoms in the beginning but my bf said sex feels better with out them and yes we are both STD free and completely committed to each other.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (12 March 2009):
 Something similar (though much less wild by comparison) happened to me.
There were two occasions. The first, my dad found a condom wrapper in my room (my BF at the time and I looked everywhere when we lost it). After that, he had my mom get me on the pill.
The second time, he came home when my BF and I had ditched school to get it on at my house. Somehow, my dad knew, and yelled at us both to come out of my room. He accepted our lie that nothing was happening, in part because he wanted to believe it.
My dad raised me as a single dad since he and my mom divorced when I was 6, and I too was a total daddy's girl.
There is really no way around this. You need to be up front with your dad, and just say you're sorry for what he saw, but yes, you are sexually active. Tell him how much you love him, and that you don't want this to put space between you, that he is the most important person in your life.
It will be awkward, and it won't be much better for the next few weeks. Your BF should also come over (when things have cooled) and apologize to your dad for disrespecting his home. And that's all that needs to be said.
And please get on the pill. If you think it's bad what he saw, imagine how bad it would be if you got pregnant. Then he knows for absolute sure that you are having sex. You should be seeing a gyno regularly now anyways. Or go to a Planned Parenthood clinic, they can give you a prescription for pennies on the dollar.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): Oh my. That's something no parent should ever see. It's one thing to know that your child is doing it; it's quite another to see it. And poor dad probably didn't even know to begin with.
For starters you have to reassure your father that it was consensual, that you're OK with the dirty talk specifically, and with what you and your b/f have been doing generally (I assume that's true and part of why you're so distressed). In his shoes I'd be more freaked out about that (what you describe is more like a porn flic than anything I've ever been involved with) than the fact that you're sexually active. Once he knows that you're doing it knowingly and willingly, he should (with time and perhaps a stiff drink) come around to the reality that you've grown up some.
Now for the next part. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you sincerely believed that withdrawl is an effective form of birth control. It is not, and if you're not pregnant yet, it's only a matter of time. By not using condom, you're trusting your b/f's word that he doesn't have anything communicable to infect you with. That's dumb, and you (and your bf) should go to a planned parenthood clinic or its equivalent to be tested for STDs. If the the tests show you're clean, you can go on the pill and continue without condoms only so long as neither of you is with anyone else (at all, ever, even once). You've been taking stupid risks, and if I were in your father's place I'd be more angry about that than what I saw.
Chill, kiddo. It's going to be tough to get through this. Your relationship with your dad is gonna be changed, no helping that. But if he's been a single parent since you've been 3, if he loves you, you'll work it out just fine, in time.
Take good care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): Hey,
Calmly talk to your dad about this. Tell him that you love him and your bf. Explain that you are not still his 12 year old, and you need to make decisions for yourself.
hope this helps, all the best with this guy.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (12 March 2009):
 I expect your dads initial reaction, and reason for shouting, is the shock - his litle grl isnt his little girl anymore, and while he knows that, it is always really hard for a parent to accept - they usually do accept this over time but they dont need a movie of events to proove it.
your dad will come to terms with what he saw, but you have to be honest with him and talk to him about what has happened so that you both know the other is ok with it and that even though it is embarrassing, you dont want to hurt his feeling, tell him if it embarrassed you, appologise for the situation and express to him that you are in a loving relationship with your partner.
unfortunately it will be difficult for your father to get the mental image out of his head and probably extremely embarrassing for everyone, including your partner, but laugh it off a little in time, be sensitive about it, face up to it and generally be open abot it, there isnt much else that he could see that he hasnt already seen, let everyone know you are still his daughter and you love and respect him, tell him you will always ned him there for you, tell your partner your sorry he had to face that and tht you both need to be more careful in future and sensible too - pulling out is not the safest method and if you are old enough to be having sex you should be wise enough to get some practical medical advice about the pill. your father doesnt have to know about you taking the pill, you can see the gp in confidence or go to your local sexual health clinic for a private informal chat and free contraceptions. you can also buy condoms if you cant face the gp or sexual health clinics.
I hope you sort everything out and it turns out well for you - stay safe
xxxx
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A
female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (12 March 2009):
 I can't imagine what you're going thru. Maybe write your dad a letter (hand it to him), let him know that you and your bf love each other - so he doesn't think his little girl is just being used. Ask for forgiveness for breaking his heart, and also express how grateful you are for all his done. This could be a start.
And whats done is done, don't stress about too much. Good luck sweetie.
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