A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey, im 9 months pregnant and live with my partner. all my life my dad has put me down and made me feel bad about my self, he wanted me to be this perfect little princess. when i started to become my own self he would have ago at me. he would have ago at me about the music i like, the clothes i wear, the friends i have. yes i bet every dad does this but it got me really down, he used to have ago at me every moment. he used to say stuff like "that isnt music, they cant sing, by the time they are 40 they will be deaf" he critized me about everything. when i rebelled he said to me "the sooner you move out the better" he said he'd disown me if i coloured my hair or get piercings so i did. my dad controls my mum, he gives her just enough money to get food for their house. she's too scared to stand up for her self. I've heard my mum crying when my dad told her to pack her bags for moving pans!! my dad drives and my mum doesnt. she doesnt have enough money to catch a bus unless shes scared. since i moved out its only my mum that phones me not my dad, when they come to see me its only my mum that talks to me. the last time they came my mum and partner went outside for a smoke, leaving me and my dad, my dad turned round and said "if you carry on like you are you'll end up deaf, you'll get Tinnitus" only because i was listening to a music channel. he also called me fat. i feel he is bullying me, he doesnt say it in front of others now, probably because my partner would kick him out. i do not want him coming around any more, i dont want him critizising my parenting skills when my boy comes or in the future critizing him! im scared if i tell my mum i dont want dad coming round she'll not come round any more for reasons iv stated above, help!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): Its your home. When he is disrespectful to you, just make a light hearted comment like....anymore of your cheek and you can go! Laugh when you say it. Hes been a dominating figure in your life for so long that you are scared of him. But guess what. Bullies are cowards. Hence the fact he wont talk to you badly in front of your partner. I do feel sorry for your mum but couldnt you offer to go on an evening assertiveness course with her at your local college? I did with my mother when she had problems much like you mum. I just said i didnt want to go alone and asked for her company. Your dad wont need to know, tell him you are flower arranging! Pretty soon he will find himself up against two fiesty women! All the best
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 January 2010):
Not every man acts this way at all. Most Dads clearly worry, but they certainly don't over control like this. You now have a choice. You can either put up with it, or you can just tell him where to go. Your number one priority is your unborn child, who will be sensing you stress. Your father is just a bully who wants to control you because it makes him feel better. You need to stop him coming around, or you need to really tell him how you feel, then stop him. Never take this from anyone. Focus on yourself and your baby.
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