A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When I was 16 me and this guy dated for one year, we used to go the same school and he was my first love and I was his.. We really loved each other. We were too young and we ended up breaking with each other. However, we managed to stay best friends (something which all our friends still don't understand how especially that we truly loved each other).. We went to different universities in different countries but we always always stayed in touch. He was always there for me and I for him. He dated other girls and I dated other guys.. We did move on and we managed to get over each other and fall for other people. We are now both 22, still very very close. And even though his last girlfriend told him to cut me out of his life, and my ex boyfriend of 4 years used to tell me to do the same, we refused to let anyone come between us and were always so close. He knows ALL about me and i know all about him and we can talk about absolutely anything.Anyway my boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up recently, and he broke up with his girlfriend of two years and who I am sure he had feelings for.. after 3 or 4 months one night he confessed to me that he loves me, that he has loved me all these 6 years but never had the guts to tell me because I was with another guy.. He told me no one understands him like I do and that he really wanted us to give it a chance.. At first I told him it's better if we don't do this because we managed to overcome all the obstacles in the past and stay best friends and that I did not want to jeopardize our friendship. Plus we are both of different religions and for both our families this is a major issue, so its not gonna be easy.He assured me our friendship will not be affected and that he cared for me too much to jeopardize anything, and frankly i did believe him. So gradually things started developing and we ended up together once again. I can say he is amazing. But he has one problem: he has some intimacy issues, he cannot handle pressure and if he does something wrong he backs off instead of confronting the person in front of him. Plus I know for a fact that he never tells any girl that he wants to end a relationship with her and he always takes the coward's way out and stops talking to his girlfriend. So everything was great between us and the only thing that annoyed me was that he barely answers the phone when i call him/ text him and he only contacts me when he wants.. I tried talking to him about it more than once and he promised he'll change that. However, he had to leave the country and left without saying or seeing me, he only sent a message telling me that he loves me and that he doesnt want anything to change, and that he will call me every day. It's been a week now and I barely heard from him, he only sent me a text once saying he was too busy and tired but never replied to my calls or text messages. I think i must mention that he hasnt called or replied to any of his friends either (since they are all my friends too).. I mean he's always been like this with everyone, including me when we were friends, but shouldnt he put a little bit more effort now that we are together in a long distance relationship (till he comes back after 4 months)? He didnt have to come confess to me that he loves me after all this time and when we are best friends if he was just playing around or having fun right? cuz im sure i mean a lot to him like he means to me.. So help me what is going on here and what should i do? I feel that talking to him about it wont help cuz like i said he hates confrontation and this will push him away (because I know him very well).. I feel trapped that I dont know what to do and i care about him too much to ever lose him in a any way! P.S I did send him a few long messages before (when we were friends and even when we got back together) whenever I felt annoyed with him but it really doesnt work, he ignores until he feels like talking to me. And not because he is mean but because he hates pressure.
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best friend, broke up, different countries, got back together, long distance, move on, my ex, text, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, penguin64  +, writes (8 January 2010):
 Right....It's difficult because in every relationship you have to comprimise with each other but the thing is how much should you have to change in order to please someone? I believe that he should be making more effort to speak to you. because if not then you'll drift apart. I've got a friend that talks to me about her and her boyriend and she has the same problem. The thing is... You need to look at what you need from a relationship and see if it is the same as eachother. because if you need someone who will talk to you about the problems you both have but the other person isn't like that or just doesn't see it as a big deal then u need to decide if u can deal with that or explain to him that the sooner you talk about it the sooner it'll get sorted and will be alot better in the long run.
Long distance relationships are hard enough but if you don't hear from them it's almost asif u might aswell not be with them. If he doesn't put the effort in then it's unfair on you. think of the things you are missing out on waiting around for him to call. you could be getting on with your own life but itstead you're the only one being considerate. of course, there could be a billion reasons why he's acting this way...But can you really spend countless moments being left wondering what they are?
Good luck
xx
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