A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 17-year-old student in college here in England, I have a good social life and friends. I am satisfied with my life, doing well in my studies.However, a recent incident has made me upset and made me question whether my best friend really is my best friend.This is a bit long, so apologies if it's too long... I just want to give people an overview of the situation.I'd had a long day at college, came back home and got myself a drink, then went upstairs to the bathroom, and was shocked to find my best friend (who's 17) having sex with my dad on the bathroom floor. My dad said "We're [i.e. him and my best friend] moving in together at the end of the month!"I ran out the room, and into the garden, and vomited.I told my friend to get out of the house, and he left, grumbling about the situation saying "Why the hell did he kick me out??"Then I confronted my dad about it, and he said "Don't tell anyone about it! It's a secret!! It's none of your business!"Then he drove off, leaving me in the house all alone. I haven't seen him since then. An hour later, my mum came in from work with shopping, and asked me how I was.I said I was a bit upset and she asked me why, I just said it was school. However, a few hours later I admitted the real reason, and she was as horrified as I was and said she wanted to speak to him.She phoned his mobile but got through to voicemail.How are me and my mum supposed to cope with this?? I feel so depressed and it feels like I never really knew my dad.Please help me.Jake
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (5 October 2007):
 I really feel for your situation. I think if I was in that situation, I would have thrown up as well, but I wouldn't have waited until getting to the garden.
I have to compliment you. You did something that's extremely difficult. Telling your mom must have been one of the hardest trials you have ever been through.
This is not your friend. Friends don't do this. I know there's many questions you have. They'll come to you. Neither you or your mom should carry any blame for what happened. You couldn't determine something like this would have happened. I don't think anything your mom could have done differently would have changed the outcome of his behavior either.
I know you love your dad and your mom. To take information that one is violating their marriage, and giving it to the victim is very commendable. It shows great strength, and courage.
You and your mom stick by each other. Each of you alone working through would be hard, but together you'll thrive off the strength of each other.
I would seek professional help to assist the both of you in sorting out this behavior. Take care, I wish both of you the best of luck.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (5 October 2007):
 Firstly, you must understand that this is something beyond your control. Secondly, no, that friend is no friend.
The way I read your email is that your father was having a homosexual affair with your friend. That being said, there are support groups for spouces with gay partners (this is for your mom), and support groups for children of gay parents. They will be able to relate to your situation, at least a little. Check out your local community centers, and if you can not find anything there, either start one yourself, OR find an online support group. A place to start looking if you really can not find anything is the local gay community center where they would have access to a list of such support groups.
I know this is not much comfort to you. This is a betrayal on multiple levels. Your friendship with your friend, your image of your dad, your dad's relationship with your mom...it is not just the affair, not just the pending separation/divorce, and not just about being with your friend, there is his secret life revealed too. Any one of these things could be devasating, but to get all three at one time is a crisis.
In the meanwhile, make sure to get your mother to a lawyer and protect all your assets and joint accounts. You and her will need to support each other, and protecting your property is the first step. No telling how long your dad has been planning this, and now is not the time to wait to see what happens.
Good Luck.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, Cutie Pie +, writes (4 October 2007):
 I no that you might of heard this a thousand times before....but you can't help falling in love with someone.
But I don't think that this is right!
I think that you should confront your dad....and tell him how you feel and what it is doing to your mum.
I also think that you should stick with your mum....stay close and don't make an arguement out of this otherwise your dad has won really.
So do you think that he loves this person and is actually going to move out?
I feel really sorry for you....you must be devistated and angry towards your dad. I would be!
If you ever need to speak to me just email me whenever you want to.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, masquerade711 +, writes (4 October 2007):
 Wow, this is quite the situation. I'm not sure I even know what to say.
First of all, I'm sorry that this happened to you. Finding out that a parent is cheating is hard on their kids regardless of who it's with, but when it's with your best friend, that makes it even harder.
You and your mom are going to have to stick together on this one. Let her know that you're there for her, and you know she's there for you too. As for your dad, it might take awhile, but try to forgive him. I mean, regardless of what he's done, he's still your dad. Forgiveness will most likely not come easily, and it could be quite a long time before you're ready to let him back in to your life again, but this will make you stronger as a person, if nothing else.
I hope this helps, and remember I'm praying for you. :)
xxJulesxx
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