A
female
age
41-50,
*ictoria Louise
writes:Please help me, in the early hours of Friday morning my fiance finished with me, reason being that he simply doesnt feel the same anymore. We have been together almost 3 years, engaged for almost 1 - he proposed on christmas morning.The year has been a very difficult one for me, my father had terminal cancer and I spent alot of time with the family and needed his support which in hindsight wasnt always there.My father passed away two weeks ago and I cannot believe Leon would end things just a week after his funeral.I could not possibly love him more, I wish more than anything I could just fall out of love with him and end the pain I am in but I cant. I cant eat or sleep, I am crying constantly and cannot begin to imagine my life without him in it. I appreciate it has been a tough year but I never for a second thought that we werent strong enough to get through it.The only indication I have had that things werent the same was that he hasnt been as attentive as he used to be, but I put that down to stress and when i confronted him about wheter he still found me attractive he assured me that he did. He has since advised that it was these conversations that made him realise he wasnt doing the things he should because he didnt feel the same anymore.I just dont know how to cope, I have to move out of the home we rent together to stay with my grieving mum and he is moving back with his parents.Is there anything I can do to help me get over him or to help him realise he might be making a mistake and this could be worked out?
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (29 August 2007):
 Hi there,
I'm sorry for your loss...
Grief is a painful process, whether it be through death or through the lost love of a partner, you are trying to deal with both....
I agree with the previous post, contact CRUISE the berevement helpline, they know only too well the pain you are trying to endure, and talking about your feelings will help you.
You must try to take each day as it comes and although you probabably do not see a light at the end of the tunnel,know that eventually it will show itself. Believe me time is the greatest healer of all and you will get through this with the love and support of your family.
Support your mum as she will you, and concentrate on the future, embrace life and try not to focus continually on the negatives, count your blessings too.
Things will come right in the end!
Remember we are here and thinking of you.
Good luck and keep us posted.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): Time heals all wounds. Please remember that. And on your wedding day, when you're with a man who really oves you amd wants to stick by your side no matter what, remember that. And remember the pain you once felt and know that you're so much better off without a man who could do that to you. Trust me, he is a cowardly man and I don't think he could deal with all the things happening to you. For him to propose then just a few months later decide he doesn't feel the same about you, shows that he isn't very thoughtful with his feelings or other's. I know you will get past this, and that it will make you a stronger person, and you will find true love. All things happen for a reason. He was not the one for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): I can't believe that he would be so callous as to end things so soon after you have had a terrible loss. Sometimes, when something so awful happens, it can make people re-evaluate what they want from life and make rash decisions, and it sounds as if your boyfriend has done this. Be really honest with yourself - do you want to be with someone who can do this to you when you are in such a vulnerable position? If you were my daughter, I would tell you that him not being there might end up being one of the better things to happen to you after everything you've gone through. I know that may sound impossible for you to consider at the moment, but trust me - for anyone to be able to leave you at your hour of need is quite frankly beyond me. The advice to stay busy from the previous writer is absolutely correct - even if that means getting up and going to the shops. Things really will get better for you, but you have enough to be getting on with, without having the additional stress of Mr Cold hearted on your mind too - you be strong girl, time is a healer, take care xxx
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (28 August 2007):
 Ah babe, i'm sorry to hear about everything that you have been through, can i suggest that you maybe go and see your doctor and see if they can refer you for some counselling to help you try and get through what has happened.
When it comes to your fiancee only time will tell, but i think you need to concentrate on you and your mother for now, moving back in with her will probably be good for both of you at the moment as you can support each other.
If you and your fiancee are meant to be together the time apart will make you both see this.
Take care babe and i wish you all the best.xx.
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (28 August 2007):
 I am sorry for your loss. I wish I had better advice.
Don't do anything to try to get this guy back. If he could leave you during this time then he's never going to be there for you when you need him. He seems to be honest about it, and he's recognizing this and breaking it off. So let him go.
I know this doesn't help you cope, and the double blow really hurts. So here's my best, short-run advice: stay busy. Work to get yourself out of the joint-home and into your mom's; you'll probably be a help to her during this time. Once that is done, get moving: join a club, play a sport, try out for a choir, anything. Do something, away from the house with people. Something you like (anything). Eventually you'll find that breathing is easier.
Good luck hon. Know that you're in our thoughts.
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