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female
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*adfishtoo16
writes: I was with a man for almost two years. He was the love of my life but he was also an alcoholic. His friends hated me and most of all his mother hated me. He is also very very close with his mom. Well, we were engaged and though we had our problems, (like him not coming home at night and me taking complete care of him), I loved him more than anything and wanted to marry him and start the family we both wanted. One day I came home and found all of his things gone from the home we shared. He told me he needed space. Eventually he told me he didn't want me and was plain awful. He put me through hell and I didn't think I would get over him. A few months later I met a guy and we started dating and have a great relationship. We have been dating for 7 mo. He is great except he isn't emotional like my ex. We don't really kiss and hug but he takes care of me in every other way. My ex decided a few months ago that he cannot live without me and made a mistake and wants me to marry him and move with him and start a family. I love him so much, but I care a lot about my new man. I see my ex a lot and every time he tries to get me to kiss him and come back and though I love him I can't touch him. I always go home to my current guy. I don't know what to do. Do I follow my heart which lies with my ex or do I follow my brain and stay with the guy who is stable, caring etc? I love them both but have a history with my ex. Please help me!
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (22 January 2006):
 I usually say to people with problems like this; 'follow your heart' but, this time, I'm unsure. I think your brain might be right on this occassion.
I know you still have feelings for your ex but, as you say, he put you through hell and could possibly do it again. This new guy, although not as affectionate, he treats you well and that's the kind of man you need in your life.
I don't believe that many people ever change and this maybe true for your ex. You've met a good man and this is a perfect opportunity to move on with your life with someone who deserves you.
I know, whatever we all say on here, you will make your own decision in the end. Our hearts and brains rarely agree but sometimes, you have to think about the long term effects of your decisions, and not follow the instincts which try to control us. Good luck with everything, whoever you choose.
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female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (22 January 2006):
 You have a history with your ex?
Well, it might be a history, but it is a shit history!!
And it's not going to get any better than that.
Soon, you and your new guy will also have some history together... history creeps up on you in no time at all!
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (22 January 2006):
 You may not be aware of your need for thrills and drama in your relationships, but that's what leaps out at me after reading your letter.Drama is fine, I guess, as long as you both accept that it fills a need for you, but when you start introducing children into this sort of relationship, it can really be a disaster. Kids need and crave a nice, stable, caring home life. You already have that with your new guy; did you notice that?If you go back to your Drama King, you're in for more thrills and spills all right, along with breakups and reunions, more fights and makeups, substance abuse... but any kids you have are going to learn that this emotional rollercoaster is normal, and it's going to screw them up.So if you really feel ready to settle down and have a family, you should NOT be thinking of going back to the man whose friends and family "hate" you, who is utterly dependant on you and who may or may not come home at night, because he's an alcoholic. Stay with the guy who has shown that he loves you and helps provide a relaxed and calm environment. He's much better for you.
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A
female
reader, StarNews +, writes (22 January 2006):
 You current man is an obvious catch, no explanation really necessary here. If you leave him, you may regret it and realize just how much you loved him. I think I would take the one who is stable and caring, and deal with his minor faults of not being as affectionate or emotional.
On the other hand, if you want the ex, who is an alcohollic, who doesnt come home at night, put you thru hell, and abandoned you without notice, then you are asking for a miserable life. If you add kids to that, they may even have a father who will abandon them.
You have a history of 7 months with a good man. Why mess that up to be with a complete loser?
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